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Hello, firstly I wanna take the chance to thank you for the huge effort that you offered and GOD BLESS YOU.

secondly I really need your help in writing an email since I'm not good in writing neither emails nor letters even in my mother tongue.
My situation is that I have a diploma in electronics engineering and I wanna email some universities enquire about completing my study doing bachelor in biomedical engineering. Also I wanna enquire about credit transfer since I'm shifting from electronics engineering to biomedical engineering.

I will be patiently waiting for you help and thank you
Comments  
First, you need to sit down with a paper and pen and jot down ideas.
MOST IMPORTANTLY YOU NEED TO FIND OUT WHO YOUR AUDIENCE IS.
Write an interesting essay that is not over done with abstract and second language writing.
Be original.
Avoid cliche.
Make an organizational plan.
"Bake the cake, and then decorate it."
I am writing to express my interest in applying for Bachelor of Engineering (Honours) - Biomedical Electronic Engineering. I mention that I'm international student (Sudanese), and I have graduated in year ****, from Multimedia University and got a diploma in Electronics Engineering with CGPA ***. Also I want to enquiry about credit transfer.
Studying at ***** is a perfect choice for me both academicall y and experientially. As the university is well-known for its Engineering courses, I expect to be able to start a successful career after I graduate. What is more, I have a passion for travel and understanding different cultures. I hope that the diversity and academical excellence of the Bachelor‘s program will bring out the best in me.

Thank you very much for considering my request. I am looking forward to the opportunity to study at your university and to making a great contribution to your community and I will be patiently waiting for further information.
With respect,
Teachers: We supply a list of EFL job vacancies
I am writing to express my interest in applying for Bachelor of Engineering (Honours) - Biomedical Electronic Engineering. I mention that I'm international student (Sudanese), and I have graduated in year **, from Multimedia University and got a diploma in Electronics Engineering with CGPA ***. Also I want to enquiry about credit transfer.
Studying at ***** is a perfect choice for me both academicall y and experientially. As the university is well-known for its Engineering courses, I expect to be able to start a successful career after I graduate. What is more, I have a passion for travel and understanding different cultures. I hope that the diversity and academical excellence of the Bachelor‘s program will bring out the best in me.

Thank you very much for considering my request. I am looking forward to the opportunity to study at your university and to making a great contribution to your community and I will be patiently waiting for further information.

could you check this,please