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Sorry, I didn't know how to put a title for this.

1) is the original sentence and I rephrased it by dividing it into two sentences(1-1). Could you please, take a look at both sentences and tell me how I could make it better?

1)Use this menu to switch the phone to Offline mode, in which the phone functions requring network connctions are deactivated, you can use non-wireless functions, such as, calendar, games, contacts, and voice recorder on an airplane during flight.

1-1) Use this menu to deactive functions that require network connections. Offline functions, such as, calendar, games, and voice recorder are still available when this mode is on.


Thank you in advance!! Emotion: smile

from Jen(who dreams of becoming a technical writer!!!!)
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Features ... do (not does). They're plural.
Comments  
Use the Offline mode to deactivate functions requiring network connections. While the mode is on you can still use non-wirelesss functions, such as calendar, games, contacts and voice recorder. This mode happens to be most useful during flights.

Hope this helps.

[8]

P.S.: Watch your spelling, you have several mistakes there.
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Hi Jen the cute!

Like the name...

I would also brake the first sentence up and propose the following:

This menu switches the phone to Offline mode, which deactivate functions that require network connections. Features such as the calendar, games, contacts and the voice recorder, which does not require network connections, are still available in Offline mode.

It seems as if this paragraph is aimed at users, and one should not expect from them to know what the meaning of any terms and jargon, like Offline mode is. It is therefore advisable to include the correct term, therefore enhancing their technical knowledge as well as teaching them the meaning of the term. If this paragraph is aimed specifically at in-flight users, you should still include that in your second sentence by chaning it to:

Features such as the calendar, games, contacts and the voice recorder, which does not require network connections, are still available in Offline mode and can be used in-flight.

Another consideration is that you can tell them where the mentioned features are stored - in many cases on the phone itself. Then your sentence can read:

Features such as the calendar, games, contacts and the voice recorder, which does not require network connections as they are stored on the phone, are still available in Offline mode and can be used during flight.

Hopes it helps.

From the Grey Fox (being a technical writer is to me the best job on earth - so go for it!)

 BarbaraPA's reply was promoted to an answer.
YoHf
Use the Offline mode to deactivate functions requiring network connections. While the mode is on you can still use non-wirelesss functions, such as calendar, games, contacts and voice recorder. This mode happens to be most useful during flights.

Hope this helps.

[8]

P.S.: Watch your spelling, you have several mistakes there.

Sorry, this seems not a good English, Yohf. What is meant by "most useful during flights"?
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