Dear friends,

I am interested in your opinion on my draft cover letter for a position with a professional services firm. I would especially appreciate the comments of Mr. MountainHiker

Thanks in advance.

------------------------

Mr. James Wolf
Director of Recruitment
ABC
2 Elm street,
Anytown 1000
Anycountry

Anytown, January 8th, 2005

Enclosures (1)

Subject: Vacancy Notice

Dear Mr. James Wolf,

I write to you in response to the announcement published in “Anytown Business” paper about the vacancies in your firm. Although no vacancies in the Legal Department are currently advertised, perhaps you could keep my resume on file in case a vacancy matching my qualifications arises in your firm in the future.

As you may see from the enclosed resume, my work experience includes over five years as a lawyer and then a leading lawyer in a law firm, in addition to approximately one year of work as a legal advisor in commercial companies. During the work I have dealt with the complex customs and tax issues of cross-border transactions, as well as have drafted the corporate documents for a great deal of enterprises to be registered in Anycountry. My solid background in international law and in Anycountry taxation provides a good foundation to further specialize in the field of international taxes.

Over the last 2 years I have had the opportunity to develop management skills by overseeing and coordinating the work of younger colleagues, managing team projects with set deadlines.

My personal strengths are positive attitude, good interpersonal skills, ability to work in a team, meet challenges and deliver results.

If you find me a suitable candidate for a position within Your firm, I shall be most happy to discuss further details during an interview at a time convenient to you.

Kind regards,

First Last Name
Andik,

As I read your letter, I get the impression that you are very formal, rigid. That is the antithesis of me. I like to be opportunistic. Fine, there are guidelines, but are there other opportunities. Do I need to follow all the rules? What happens if I break them?

In your letter, you appear to be using an advertisement for another position an excuse for submitting your own resume for a legal position? True? If that is the case, why not ignore the “advertisement” and just set up your own meeting?

Let’s revise your letter. I will be making changes throughout?

You’ll note that I have not submitted your resume. At this point, you just want to meet the person. You can meet for coffee or whatever. If there is a connection, then provide a resume. Perhaps if it is a dead end, the person to whom you are writing will know of another opportunity? Keep your options open. Use this initial conversation as an ice breaker. You want to get face time. Who is going to refuse a cup of coffee and a half hour to get to know someone?

Good luck.

MountainHiker

Your name
Your address

January 8th, 2005

Mr. James Wolf
Director of Recruitment
ABC
2 Elm street,
Anytown 1000
Anycountry

Dear Mr. James Wolf: [colon in North America]

I am writing to you to learn more about your company. I would like to meet with you briefly to discuss your company.

I am a lawyer with greater than five years experience at a prominent law firm. My specialty is structuring complex customs and tax issues for cross-border transactions as well drafting corporate documents [for a great deal of enterprises to be registered in Anycountry….make the rest of the sentence flow.] At the present time I am a leading lawyer (partner?) who is responsible for developing less senior colleagues and managing team projects.

My personal strengths are a positive attitude, exceptional interpersonal skills, ability to work in a team, accept challenging assignments, ability to focus my energy and firm’s resources on the desired end result, and deliver results.

I would like to invite you for coffee to discuss your company. More specifically, I am interested in learning more about your company’s culture and its goals. I will call within two weeks to arrange to meet for coffee. I look forward to meeting you.

Kind regards,

First Last Name

See bold changes--edit: My personal strengths are a positive attitude, exceptional interpersonal skills, ability to work in a team, accept challenging assignments, ability to focus my energy and firm’s resources on the desired objectives, and deliver results.
MountainHiker, thanks a lot for your valuable comments. Although I never thought of myself as being formal and rigid, your words might be trueEmotion: smile, please bear in mind that my formal profession has effect. I have significantly revised my letter before sending it off. I already met with the person and landed the job. THanks so much!
Students: Are you brave enough to let our tutors analyse your pronunciation?
Andik,
please bear in mind that my formal profession has effect


Even more reason to break the rules, no? You want to be different from the rest of the clones.
I already met with the person and landed the job. THanks so much!


Fantastic! That's great news. Thanks for letting us know.

MountainHiker