(I was a simpleton in my childhood. Here comes the conclusive prove.)
Once, when I was in 3rd grade, Zaba, my classmate, gave me some money and said to me ”keep this money for me and return it to me by the end of the school” I took her money without saying a word. After a while one of my classmates declared that someone had stolen her money. And she was going to check everyone for her money. I took no interest in the matter. Fortunately she started her search from the first row and Zaba used to sit in that row. As soon as she completed her search there Zaba came to me and took her money back. A few days latter I saw Zaba quarrelling with two other girls. “I have nothing to do with this,” said Zaba to one of the girls. “She has given me the money,” said the girl to the other girl who had restored her money from them. “No. she is lying. She has theft them from you. Now accusing me” Zaba tried to make the owner believe. I was at my wits end when I saw this. “So that was her scheme. Oh my God! What a risky service I have given to Zaba,” I said to myself and then thanked Allah Almighty for saving me from being such disgraced. I still thank Allah for that blessing. If that had happened to me (Allah forbids), I wouldn’t have the least courage to defend myself. After that I took nothing from Zaba and trusted the others less. I still trust people less and I always will.
To me, if you are on the right path, Nothing can harm you. Nice Story, though. Good Luck.
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sundarnaz”keep this money for me and return it to me by the end of the school”

The red parts are superfluous.


Other ways of finishing that would be to say at the end of the day or after school.

sundarnazsaid the girl to the other girl who had restored her money from them.

The yellow part is not natural.

anonymousThe yellow part is not natural.

What's your suggestion?

sundarnazWhat's your suggestion?

had taken back or had got back.

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Overall, the way that you have written is very formal and unnecessary in general situations that don't need to be formal.