If so, don't hesitate: tell us:-) Yesterday I read an article on the subject the British humour and accordingly to the author the Brits have the best humour in Europe. Oh, dear!

My joke (from Macedonia): Two people have started a company but didn't get well and ended up so they were very upset about the loss of money and have had issues with creditors and debts. They met on the street. The first one said, 'I am so depressed, I can't sleep. What about you?' The second declared, 'As for me, I sleep like a baby.' 'What do you mean?' 'During one hour I weep, during the next one I sleep and so forth.'
It is typical Macedonian humour!
1 2 3
British have the best humour, surely not

Anyway I have,
So Im thinking why's that ball getting bigger?.......then it hit me
This is mine.

No Sex Tonight

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT?"

I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.
Students: We have free audio pronunciation exercises.
Oh dear!
We are very serious here....

Where are the jokes????
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?" The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
In my opinion, Mark Twain was the most famous humorist. I post his joke following.
One day, King George III, to go to eat lunch in a small inn that he did not eating, only eat two eggs cooked. Wait until he finished, the owner brought the invoice. "What! "His astonishing, "Two eggs are actually two pounds! eggs must be very rare here. "" No, Your Majesty. "the owner said, "Egg is not rare, but King rare. "
Teachers: We supply a list of EFL job vacancies
My second joke:

A knight and his men return to their castle after a long hard day of fighting.'Hello, Sir Modred! How are we doing?' asks the king. 'Sire', answers the knight,'I have been robbing and pillaging for you all day, burning the towns of your enemies in the west.' 'What?' cries the king. 'I don't have any enemies in the west.' 'Oh?' says the knight. 'Well, you do now'
what's the difference between robbing and pilaging? i looked it up in the dictionary pillage means "to rob goods by force esp in time of war, plunder" but then in this context robbing and pilaging have the same meaning innit?
Robbing means: you are armed and try to get people's money or valuable items like a pearl necklace. Pillaging is more rough and you try to get everything because it is war or black out and the chances of getting caught are very, very slight. In fact, you don't expect to be redhanded or even caught later. During pillaging people try go get even provisions or arms and this is not the aim of the robbery.
Site Hint: Check out our list of pronunciation videos.
Show more