Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... Don't
waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up
your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can
extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer?
Take a nap

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay
and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more
than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system.
Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass
(green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your
recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine,
that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even
more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms
up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to
one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular
exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ... Foods are fried these days in vegetable
oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more
vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO . Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the
best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had
about food and diets.

And remember:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of
arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather
to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other
- body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming : Woo Hoo,
what a ride!
1 2
Thanks Abodeka for the healthy advice.
Emotion: big smile
What a great story! I really enjoyed it!!!
Students: Are you brave enough to let our tutors analyse your pronunciation?
Waaaah crazy Dr. Prankenstein is baaaack!
Abodeka Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... Don't waste them on exercise.
.
.
... a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system.
Need grain? Eat chicken.
Beef is also a good source of field grass and a pork chop can give you 100%
of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit
so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil.
In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO . Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

It's funny Emotion: big smile
I'll explain to my friend (who is a vegeterian) that a steak is nothing but a mechanism which delivers vegetables to the system. Emotion: big smile

Abodeka, I don't know why, but I'm pretty sure that you like only this joke but not that doctor, aren't you?
...or you really would like to have an appointment with such a doctor and to hear all of these "special" advices? Emotion: wink

Well, Abodeka...interesting advice ..........the doctor sounds pretty interesting too!Emotion: wink
Teachers: We supply a list of EFL job vacancies
Lol, that's funny. I think it might be a satire though^^ Interesting logical behind it, nicely written.
It's funny yes, but who are we kidding huh ? No doctor in his/her right mind would write that.
Students: We have free audio pronunciation exercises.
Show more