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Topic: More and more people are suffering from health problems caused by a modern lifestyle which cannot be treated with modern medicine. Some people think that a return to traditional medicine should be encouraged. To what extent do you agree?

In the last recent years, there has been an increase in the number of people being prone to various health issues resulted from contemporary ways of life which advanced medical treatment can not cure. Other people believe that the revival of interest in traditional remedies should be strongly stimulated. From my point of view, I partly agree with these statements

On the one hand, in the daily life, people are at higher risk of facing a large number of chronically acute diseases such as cancer, diabetes or autistic disoders due to various reasons . Firstly, the work environment has created an excessive amount of stress and pressure which can pose threats to the psychological conditions of workers. Moreover, the lack of physical excersises combing with the sedentary life style is a potential contribution to health impairment. Secondly, the excessive consumption of fast food and processed food instead of eating pre-made food possibly exerts detrimental effects on health condition. As a result, people are more vulnerable to many chronic diseases than the ones who have a naturally herbal and rooted lifestyle

On the other hand, herbal therapies should be motivated due to tremendously positive effects on people’s health. Firstly, traditional remedies are affordable and accessible. Particularly, many types of herbs and plants are available naturally and can simply processed or extracted through some stages. Therefore, patients can save more money if making use of traditional practice. Secondly, ancient treatments are widely perceived as safe and natural, that is not toxic. Specifically, because of the natural conditions and having no chemical components, people can avoid many serious allergies and side effects which may be caused by modern medical systems. For example, that many patients tend to abuse antibiotics when having common diseases such as cold treated easily by garlics may result in immunedeficiency

In conclusion, due to pessimistic habits in ways of living, people’s longevity is shortened by various chronic diseases. It’s highly recommended that people should adopt the most suitable medical treatment for themselves

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Please post essays in the essay forum so a moderator does not have to move your post.
https://www.englishforums.com/English/EssayReportCompositionWriting/Forum9.htm

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Your essay is quite lengthy. Concentrate on writing correctly rather than writing a lot.


In the last recent years, (wrong phrasing) there has been an increase in the number of people being prone to various health issues resulted (wrong form) from modern contemporary ways of life which advanced medical treatment can not cure. Other (wrong word) people believe that the revival of interest in traditional remedies should be strongly stimulated. (wrong word) From my point of view, I partly agree with these statements (missing punctuation)

On the one hand, in the daily life, (wrong phrasing) people are at higher risk of suffering from facing a large number of chronically acute (Chronic and acute are two nearly opposite different categories. These words are not put together. Acute conditions are severe and happen very suddenly, such as a heart attack or broken leg.. A chronic condition, by contrast is a long-developing syndrome, such as osteoporosis or asthma.) diseases such as cancer, diabetes or autistic (Autism is not a disease caused by a virus, bacterium, lifestyle, food or toxin. It is a genetic condition. ) disoders due to various reasons . Firstly, First, the work environment has created an excessive amount of stress and pressure which can pose threats to the psychological health conditions of workers. Moreover, the lack of physical excersises combing (wrong word, wrong form) with a the sedentary life style is a potential contribution to health impairment. Secondly, Second, the excessive consumption of fast food and processed food instead of eating pre-made (wrong word) food possibly exerts detrimental effects on everyone's health condition. As a result, these people are more vulnerable to many chronic diseases than the ones who have a naturally herbal and rooted (wrong word) lifestyle (missing punctuation)

On the other hand, herbal therapies should be motivated (wrong word) due to their tremendously positive effects on people’s health. Firstly, First, traditional remedies are affordable and accessible. Particularly, many types of herbs and plants are available naturally and can simply processed or extracted through some stages. Therefore, patients can save more money by if making use of traditional practice. Secondly, Second, ancient (wrong word) treatments are widely perceived as safe and natural, that is and are not toxic. Specifically, because of the natural conditions and having no chemical components, (All plants are composed of chemical elements. Vitamins are chemical complex chemicals.) people can avoid many serious allergies and side effects which may be caused by modern medical systems. For example, that many patients tend to abuse antibiotics when having common diseases such as cold treated easily by garlics may result in immunedeficiency (ungrammatical sentence, missing punctuation)

In conclusion, due to pessimistic (wrong word) habits in ways of living, people’s longevity (wrong word) is shortened by various chronic diseases. It’s (wrong usage. Do not use contractions in formal essays.) highly recommended that people should adopt the most suitable medical treatment for themselves (missing punctuation)