Monsterville
By: Taylor May

Hello, my name is Lisa. The town that I lived in wasn’t a real ordinary town. I lived in a town later known as Monsterville, Texas. Monsterville consisted of just over three thousand people. You may be wondering why my town became known as Monsterville. Well it goes something like this.
It all started on those hot summer nights when I would leave my window open for some air. Some nights when I would go to bed, I would hear things. Noises, bumps, scratching, tapping, whispering. Sometimes it even sounded like it was coming from inside the house. And I would see shadows across my window. I knew I couldn't tell because no one would believe me and that would just make it worse. Then one night, a monster came into my bedroom. It was a Tuesday. I remember the day because it was my birthday. Mommy gave me a cupcake with a candle in it. Daddy didn't say anything. Sometimes it's better that way. But that night after I went to bed, the monster came in through the window. He was dressed nice, but was very dirty. I pretended like I was asleep, but I kept my eyes open a little so I could watch him. I was very scared and tried not to breathe, or move. He walked over to the crib where my little brother sleeps and bent over it. I couldn't see what he was doing. He stood there for a minute and then he left, crawling out through the window.
The next morning, my mom came in to get Bobby and started yelling for Dad. Ambulances came. Everything got really busy. I tried to tell mom about the monster, but she said I was just having a bad dream and none of that really happened.
A couple of days later we all dressed up nice and went to church for Bobby. Ever since then, Mommy cries a lot and looks at me sad. Dad spends more time at work which is good because when he's home, he's very angry. They argued last Saturday and I haven't seen dad since. Dad said it was my fault that Bobby was dead, that I was jealous of all the attention he was getting. Mom said that wasn't true, that Bobby died because of pneumonia. I don't know who that is. I thought maybe that was the monsters name, but Mommy always said there was no monster so I didn't ask her about it.
A few weeks later the monster returned. I tried to be quiet, but he came over and stood at my bed. He said, "I know you're awake. The other night wasn't the first time I've been here, but tonight will be my last. I know that you're not happy here. Do you want to come with me? I promise no one will hurt you anymore." Before I could think, I nodded my head and everything got dark. I see myself lying on my bed. I think of visiting my mother before I leave but the night was no longer bright.
I like how you keep people interested by not letting them know what is happening. Keeping the suspense and curiousity up. I was expecting a continuation not such an abrupt ending. I am left with questions like Where did you go next? Then what happened? Why did the monster come into your room?
The beginning could easily lose people as the part about monsterville is not necesssary and not as good as the rest. (I almost didn't continue reading though fortunately I did)
I totally agree with your comments Woody. I would just like to know more about how the story really ends. I wouldn't say either where it happens because it is non-relevant information and there is no point in giving geographical information when the story could cater for people from complete different places.