Hey, I wrote this essay for an english exam. Could anyone go through and point out the errors and give me advice?

Thanks in advance !


Stop gambling around !

For many centuries, studying at a university was only destined for the rich and privileged or those who possessed talent. Nowadays however, studying after finishing secondary school, has become much more of a standard. In my country, the Netherlands, the number of youngsters that enroll to universities has significantly increased over the past couple of years. As a result, some studies are demanded far more than they are available. To solve this problem, universities admit students based on a lottery system, in which the average of their secondary school exam achievements determines their chance of admission. However, recently the idea has been raised to replace this current system with an interview of application or an admission exam. In my opinion the current system should be replaced with an admission system that focuses on an individual their capabilities. The aim of this essay is to give arguments that advocate this view.

First of all, I argue that the current lottery system is utterly ineffective. Why would we draw lots when we can specifically look into a person’s certificates to get to know their strong and weak sides? If we select people based on their talents rather than on an average of their achievements, we would greatly improve our labour force since everyone would do what they are best at. Moreover, letting someone’s fate be determined just by drawing lots does not seem fair to me.

Secondly, we should embrace the fact that when there is a limited amount of places available for a study, competition for these places is a natural consequence. Drawing lots completely removes this consequence since no one really can compete with each other. If we would let people compete for places through admission exams or interviews that test one’s capabilities, this will guarantee that the most suitable can be selected.

Lastly, it should be noted that there are a plethora of studies ranging from, for example, astrophysics to philosophy to economy. If a person gets dismissed for a study, it surely is not the end of the world. There are plenty of other options available. Furthermore, if someone gets admitted in this current lottery system, research has found that there is a high chance that they are more likely to drop out of college. This is because the student has not been selected on their adequacy and capabilities, and as a result will face much difficulty and stress.

To summarize, the current lottery system does not take into account who are most capable to be admitted. It should therefore be replaced by a system which puts an emphasis on selecting people based on their capabilities. Then competition will flourish and everyone will find out what they are best at. Eventually, students will be much happier and our labour force much stronger. Should we not have already learned that gambling in the lottery is a waste of time ?

485 words

baai 92Hey, I wrote this essay for an English english exam.

What are the instructions for the essay, e.g. topic, length and time limit?

Some studies are in high demand and therefore more students apply than there arecan be accepted. A lottery was introduced for these studies. The average gradefor the examination subjects(grades) determines the chance of admission. Now they want to get rid of this system. Instead of the lottery system there would then be  a job interview or some sort of entrance examperformance. What do you think as a future student?
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Some studies are in high demand and therefore more students apply than there arecan be accepted. A lottery was introduced for these studies. The average gradefor the examination subjects determines the chance of admission. Now they want to get rid of this system. Instead of the lottery system there  would then be a job interview or some sort of entrance examperformance. What do you think as a future student?

2 hours an minimum of 300 words

Stop gambling around ! (Do not put a space before a punctuation mark. "Gambling does not really fit the topic.)

For many centuries, studying at a university was only destined for the rich and privileged or those who possessed talent. (That is not focused on the topic. There is nothing in the topic about the history of higher education.) Nowadays however, studying going to university after finishing secondary school, has become much more of a standard. In my country, the Netherlands, the number of youngsters (A youngster is a pre-teenager. How many 10-year-old kids go to university?) that enroll to in universities has significantly increased over the past couple (Couple is 2. Do you really mean since 2019? Has the pandemic caused a surge in applications?) of years. As a result, some studies majors do not have enough space and cannot accept everyone who applies. are demanded far more than they are available. To solve this problem, universities admit students based on a lottery system, in which their high school grade point average (GPA) average of their secondary school exam achievements determines their chance of admission. However, recently the idea a proposal has been raised to replace this current system with an interview of application or an admission exam. In my opinion the current system should be replaced with an admissions system that focuses on an individual's their capabilities. The aim of this essay is to give arguments that advocate this view.

Never mention your essay. The format of an essay is to present a thesis statement followed by arguments to support it. You have a thesis statement. It is not proper to say explicitly that you are going to defend it. That is understood. Do not explain an essay format to an essay grader!


First of all, I argue that the current lottery system is utterly ineffective. Why would we draw lots when we can specifically look into a person’s grades certificates (wrong word. A certificate is what you get for finishing a short course, such as "Microsoft Office" expert, welding, or computer network management. It only says that you passed the course. Very few high school leavers have any certificates. They take a summer vacation and then go to university.) to get to know their strong and weak sides? If we select people based on their talents rather than on an average of their performance in high school, achievements, we would greatly improve our labour force since everyone would do what they are best at. Moreover, letting someone’s fate be determined just by drawing lots does not seem fair to me.

Secondly, Second, we should consider embrace (Embrace means that it is a wonderful situation to be relished, appreciated and enjoyed. It might be better for universities to expand their programs so they can accommodate more students, don't you think?) the fact that when there is a limited amount of places available for a study, competition for these places is a natural consequence. Drawing lots completely removes this consequence since no one really can compete with each other. (You did not understand the topic very well.

Here is the description:

The average grade for the examination subjects (grades) determines the chance of admission.

As I read the description, the existing system gives highest priority and highest chances to the best ( A grade) high school students. However a few C-students can be admitted because they have a chance to win one of the proportion of slots assigned to this academic level.

For example, suppose there are 100 openings. 70 of these will be awarded to the A-students (where "A" is the top grade) that apply - by lottery -, 20 to the "B" students, and 10 to students having a C grade or lower. This system allows "late bloomers" - kids who are very intelligent but do not get good grades in high school to have a chance - but not as large as the "A" students - to be admitted for one of these popular subjects. ) If we would let people compete for places through admission exams or interviews that test one’s capabilities, this will guarantee that the most suitable can be selected.

Lastly, it should be noted that there are a plethora (not a good vocabulary choice. It is not academic. ) large selection of studies ranging from, for example, astrophysics to philosophy to economy. economics. If a person gets dismissed for a study, does not get their first choice, it surely is not the end of the world. There are plenty of other options available. Furthermore, if someone gets admitted in this current lottery system, research has found that there is a high chance that they are more likely to drop out of college. This is because the student has not been selected on their adequacy and capabilities, and as a result will face much difficulty and stress. (You did not understand the lottery system. It is not a good argument. )

To summarize, the current lottery system does not take into account who are most capable to be admitted. (You did not understand the topic.) It should therefore be replaced by a system which puts an emphasis on selecting people based on their capabilities. Then competition will flourish and everyone will find out what they are best at. Eventually, students will be much happier and our labour force much stronger. Should we not have already learned that gambling in the lottery (This system really is not like a national lottery where the winning tickets are millions of euros, but the chance of winning one of them is less than the chance of being killed by a lightning strike..) is a waste of time ?

Students: Are you brave enough to let our tutors analyse your pronunciation?

And as I understand the topic, they want to replace the "lottery" system, which is weighted by performance in high school, by an interview or an entrance exam.

I have a couple of comments on this replacement system.

1. Some kids are introverted or shy and do not do well on an interview, so they will likely not get admitted. Especially kids with a stutter or speech impediment will be handicapped.


2. Suppose there is one entrance exam. If you do well on it, you get admitted, but if you are nervous, or sick, or didn't sleep well the night before, or just have a bad day, sorry, you won't get admitted, no matter how well you did in the four years of high school.