Could you please correct this essay? I would be really grateful if you could help me!
Wording:
Your class has attended a panel discussion on facilities which should receive money from local authorities. You have made the notes below:
Which facilities should receive money from local
authorities?
museums
sports centres
public gardens
Write an essay discussing two of the facilities in your notes. You should explain which facility it is more important for local authorities to give money to, giving reasons in support of your answer.
Essay:
Since we are still struggling with the economic crisis, local authorities are having a hard time, because they have to decide which facilities should be given money. It is obvious that there isn’t enough money for all the facilities that have requested it. The following paragraphs show two options of facilities that should be given money for their developement.
There are on one hand, the museums which are very important for the city and people living there. If the authorities want a cultivated nation they need to maintain history the best they can. Therefore financial support is needed to preserve all the works that were collected during the last years. Besides, museums also attract tourists who would benefit the city’s economy and make it well known.
The other option are the sports centres which are for the populations well being. It is well known that for a balanced healthy life one needs to practise sport. Furthermore, a great percentage of the school’s sport teams practise in the sports centres. This means that these kinds of facilities are often visited , so it needs also frequently maintenance.
In my opinion, the facility which should be given money are the sports centre, because they invite you to lead a healthy lifestyle. In addition, it is the most visited facility by youngsters, often used by them as a meeting place.
Wording:
Your class has attended a panel discussion on facilities which should receive money from local authorities. You have made the notes below:
Which facilities should receive money from local
authorities?
museums
sports centres
public gardens
Write an essay discussing two of the facilities in your notes. You should explain which facility it is more important for local authorities to give money to, giving reasons in support of your answer.
Essay:
Since we are still struggling with the economic crisis, local authorities are having a hard time, because they have to decide which facilities should be given money. It is obvious that there isn’t enough money for all the facilities that have requested it. The following paragraphs show two options of facilities that should be given money for their developement.
There are on one hand, the museums which are very important for the city and people living there. If the authorities want a cultivated nation they need to maintain history the best they can. Therefore financial support is needed to preserve all the works that were collected during the last years. Besides, museums also attract tourists who would benefit the city’s economy and make it well known.
The other option are the sports centres which are for the populations well being. It is well known that for a balanced healthy life one needs to practise sport. Furthermore, a great percentage of the school’s sport teams practise in the sports centres. This means that these kinds of facilities are often visited , so it needs also frequently maintenance.
In my opinion, the facility which should be given money are the sports centre, because they invite you to lead a healthy lifestyle. In addition, it is the most visited facility by youngsters, often used by them as a meeting place.
Comments
I see that if I make a mistake I can mess up my whole essay!
I'm just a little nervous because I have my exam next week.