+0
Could you please correct this essay? I would be really grateful if you could help me!

Wording:
Your class has attended a panel discussion on facilities which should receive money from local authorities. You have made the notes below:

Which facilities should receive money from local
authorities?
museums
sports centres
public gardens

Write an essay discussing two of the facilities in your notes. You should explain which facility it is more important for local authorities to give money to, giving reasons in support of your answer.

Essay:

Since we are still struggling with the economic crisis, local authorities are having a hard time, because they have to decide which facilities should be given money. It is obvious that there isn’t enough money for all the facilities that have requested it. The following paragraphs show two options of facilities that should be given money for their developement.

There are on one hand, the museums which are very important for the city and people living there. If the authorities want a cultivated nation they need to maintain history the best they can. Therefore financial support is needed to preserve all the works that were collected during the last years. Besides, museums also attract tourists who would benefit the city’s economy and make it well known.

The other option are the sports centres which are for the populations well being. It is well known that for a balanced healthy life one needs to practise sport. Furthermore, a great percentage of the school’s sport teams practise in the sports centres. This means that these kinds of facilities are often visited , so it needs also frequently maintenance.

In my opinion, the facility which should be given money are the sports centre, because they invite you to lead a healthy lifestyle. In addition, it is the most visited facility by youngsters, often used by them as a meeting place.
Comments  
KanouThere are on one hand, the museums
There are on one hand, museums. You haven't mentioned any particular museums so, you don't need the.
Kanouwhich are very important for the city and people living there.
You would need to make it clear from the beginning, which city you are talking about.
KanouTherefore financial support is needed to preserve all the works that were collected during the last years.
The last years of what? Do you mean recent years? If so, it would be better to write in recent years.
KanouThe other option are the sports centres which are for the populations well being.
The other option is the sports centres which are for the population's well being. You haven't mentioned any particular sports centres so, you don't need the.
KanouIt is well known that for a balanced healthy life one needs to practise sport.
It is well known that for a balanced and healthy life, one needs to practise sport.
KanouFurthermore, a great percentage of the school’s sport teams
Your use of an apostrophe gives the impression that you are referring to one school in particular. Is that what you meant?
Kanoupractise in the sports centres.
practise in the sports centres. You haven't mentioned any particular sports centres so, you don't need the.
KanouThis means that these kinds of facilities are often visited , so it needs also frequently maintenance.
This means that these kinds of facilities are often visited , so they This means that these kinds of facilities are often visited , so they frequently need maintenance.
KanouIn my opinion, the facility which should be given money are the sports centre,
In my opinion, the facilities (plural, because you are not mentioning one in particular) which should be given money are sports centres (plural, because you are not mentioning one in particular),
KanouIn addition, it is the most visited facility by youngsters,
In addition, they are the most visited facilities (plural, because you are not mentioning one in particular) by youngsters,
Kanouoften used by them as a meeting place.
often used by them as meeting places (plural, because you are not mentioning one in particular).
AnonymousDo you mean recent years?
Yes!
AnonymousYour use of an apostrophe gives the impression that you are referring to one school in particular. Is that what you meant?
No, I was referring to all schools that have a sport team. Therefore I wouldn't need an apostrophe, right?

I see that if I make a mistake I can mess up my whole essay! Emotion: surprise
Students: We have free audio pronunciation exercises.
KanouYes!
You could also write it as: during the last few years, in the last few years or over the last few years. You could even replace the word last with past.
KanouNo, I was referring to all schools that have a sport team. Therefore I wouldn't need an apostrophe, right?
Right.
KanouI see that if I make a mistake I can mess up my whole essay!
Maybe not mess up but, certainly give the wrong impression about part of it.
Thank you for your correction it helped me a lot =)
I'm just a little nervous because I have my exam next week.
There is no need for nervousness. If you do all the preparation that you can, then being nervous won't change that, so, you might as well not be. Emotion: smile
Teachers: We supply a list of EFL job vacancies
AnonymousThere is no need for nervousness. If you do all the preparation that you can, then being nervous won't change that, so, you might as well not be.
Thank you for your kind words!Emotion: smile