Hello,

I am preparing for IELTS. This is my first try to fulfil all requirements of an essay (IELTS writing task two) . Also, I am not sure about my vocabulary and grammar.

The topic is:

The only way to reduce the amount of traffic in cities today is by reducing the need for people to travel from home for work, education or shopping. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Generally, most of people use to travel the same route every day and that causes increasing traffic problems in the cities. One of the offered solutions is the reduction of need to travel to jobs, schools and shopping centres. There are both, advantages and disadvantages of this idea.

Firstly, the use of public transport is not very common in many parts of society. For instance, citizens who can afford to own a vehicle in most cases do that, even though they could travel by tram or bus instead. Therefore, streets are full of cars with only the driver inside them. As a consequence, traffic jams probably will not be lowered without a brand new approach to this situation in society.

Secondly, the reduction of need to travel could lead to the lack of real communication between people. Although, using the Internet it is possible to do almost everything, including paying bills, sharing the information and getting in touch with colleague all over the world, it is still not a human based daily environment. Eventually, making inhabitants to stay more in their houses can cause serious psychological troubles in a long-time run.

Finally, people should choose their living place according to the destinations of travel. Nevertheless, that is not always possible since many jobs are located in the centres of cities. However, it is a factor to consider.

In conclusion, there are many ways to solve the problem, but encouraging people to move less is not the best solution. It is not one countries problem and the future depends on the viewpoint of society.

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Thank you for comments Emotion: smile
Here is my second draft:

Generally, most of people travel the same route every day and that causes increasing traffic problems in the cities. One of the offered solutions is the reduction of need to travel to jobs, schools and shopping centres. In my opinion, there are better ways to deal with this problem.

Firstly, the amount of traffic in cities could be reduced by encouraging the use of public transport, which is not very common in many parts of society. For instance, citizens who can afford to own a vehicle in most cases do that, even though they could travel by tram or bus instead. Therefore, streets are full of cars with only the driver inside them. As a consequence, traffic jams probably will not be lowered without a brand new approach to this situation in society.

Secondly, the reduction of need to travel could lead to the lack of real communication between people. Although, the Internet enables to do almost everything, including paying bills, sharing information and getting in touch with colleague all over the world, it is still not a human based environment. Eventually, making people stay more in their houses can cause serious psychological troubles.

Finally, working from a distance may have a negative effect to the quality of results. Also, the separation of people makes them harder to improve by learning from each other mistakes

To conclude, even though nowadays people can do the most of their daily tasks at home, the need of travel is still very important and should not be replaced by any reasons. In addition, the amount of traffic in cities can be lowered by other ways.
I don't understand your first point. First you discussed public transportation, but then you started to talk about cars.
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hi,it was a nice attempt but us thesis as well as essay is murky and difficult to understand.....it is not co related...........