+0

I am preparing for my IELTS test at the moment and I am kind of worried about my writing skills. This morning, I wrote an essay about this following topic but I couldn't know whether I wrote it well or not, so I want to ask if I had made any mistakes or any expression errors in this essay. Thanks for considering my request.

Topic:

Computers are often argued to be the most important invention of the last hundred years. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Essay:

These days, it is not exaggerated to say that computers are the godsend to our humanity. With the advancement of computers nowadays, we can do everything, from getting information to even reducing the amount of task that people have to do. In my opinion, I strongly agree with this view which will be supported by relevant examples in this essay.

It is true that computers are the most important invention of the last century. With computers, we can get information in much easier way. Computer with Internet connection these days will make us have every knowledge at your fingertips. For example, in the past, if people wanted to get information about something, they had to go to go to the store, fork over an amount of money to buy a newspaper. This could be inconvenient as not everyone had time to drive downtown to get a piece of information like that. Therefore, computers are there to do its business, make our process in accessing to the world substantially simpler.

In addition, a lot of tasks nowadays are operated by computers. Operators just have to sit in a control room and make sure the machines work properly. A compelling example is the food industry, which is progressed by computers and machines completely. It is absolutely not coincident to realize that all the packaging of a food product brand is perfectly identical. The reason is that the computers are programmed to manufacture goods in a mass quantity with high accuracy. This will lead to the less demand of tasks these days, making workers can work with a high productivity without wasting too much effort.

All things considered, it is true that computers are regarded as the most necessary creation of the world. Computers can not only help people get information more easily, but also make plenty of jobs require less physical demand for workers today.

+1

I have moved your essay to the Essays forum. In the future, please post your essays here.

https://www.englishforums.com/English/EssayReportCompositionWriting/Forum9.htm

Thanks.

CJ

+1

These days, it is not exaggerated (wrong form. It is not an exaggeration...) to say that computers are the godsend to our humanity. (wrong expression. Humanity refers to the quality of kindness and goodness in people. Given the vitriol and smut on the Internet, "godsend" is questionable. ) With the advancement of computers nowadays, we can do everything, from getting information to even reducing the amount of task (wrong form.) that people have to do. In my opinion, I strongly agree with this view which will be supported by relevant examples in this essay.

(Never mention your essay, your writing, or what you are going to tell the reader in an academic essay. )


It is true that (unnecessary verbiage) Computers are the most important invention of the last century. With computers, we can get information in much easier way. Computer (You need the indefinite article or the plural form) with Internet (That is a separate invention. We had computers before the Internet was invented.) connection these days will make us have every knowledge (wrong form, wrong word) at your fingertips. For example, in the past, if people wanted to get information about something, they had to go to go to the store, fork over (too casual for an academic essay.) an amount of money to buy a newspaper. This could be inconvenient as not everyone had time to drive downtown to get a piece of information (A newspaper is not a piece of information.) like that. Therefore, computers are there to do its business, make our process in accessing to (wrong form. "Access to" when access is a noun only.) the world substantially simpler.

In addition, a lot of tasks nowadays are operated (wrong word.) by computers. Operators just have to sit in a control room and make sure the machines work properly. A compelling example is the food industry, which is progressed (wrong word.) by computers and machines completely. It is absolutely not coincident (wrong word.) to realize that all the packaging of a food product brand is perfectly identical. The reason is that the computers are programmed to manufacture goods in a mass quantity with high accuracy. This will lead to the less demand of tasks (??) these days, making (wrong word.) workers can work with a high productivity without wasting too much effort.

All things considered, it is true that computers are regarded as the most necessary creation of the world. (That is not the essay topic.) Computers can not only help people get information more easily, but also make plenty of (too casual. Inappropriate for an academic essay.) jobs require less physical demand for workers today. (Fewer jobs today involve manual labor; many of the tasks on assembly lines have been taken over by robots. )

Site Hint: Check out our list of pronunciation videos.
Comments  

I just realized that I forgot to change the possessive adjective while I was reviewing the essay, I was meant to write "at our fingertips" instead of "at your fingertips"

 AlpheccaStars's reply was promoted to an answer.
Students: Are you brave enough to let our tutors analyse your pronunciation?