In need of opinions, thoughts, and corrections please! It seems to technical and choppy to me! Thanks!

The Race Against Time

To be good, we must do good; and by doing good we take a sure means of being good, as the use and exercise of the muscles increase their power.
--Tryon Edwards (1809 - 1894)

Extreme Makeover: Home Edition is a truly superb reality show that first aired on December 3, 2003. Each 60 minute episode features a race against time that would normally take four months to achieve, involving a team of designers, contractors and several hundred workers who have just seven days to totally rebuild an entire house, including the exterior and landscaping. Each episode begins with host Ty Pennington's famous "Good morning!" wake-up call, when he, along with the other designers, surprises the unsuspecting family with news that their home has been chosen. The families then get to go on a seven day vacation until the house is complete. The viewers get to witness not only the unbelievable transformation of the house, but also how the home makeover has impacted the lives of the deserving families. The family arrives from their vacation in a tinted limo and the only thing they can see is a huge bus. Ty and the family then proceed to tell the bus driver to “move that bus! “ The show officially ends when Ty gives the keys to the lucky family.
Extreme Makeover: Home Edition which has won two Emmy Awards as Best Reality Program (non-competitive) is entering its 4th season on ABC and has millions of viewers. In its second season it was one of the ten most popular shows on American television and since then has slipped in ratings. The show is a by-product of Extreme Makeover; provides medical operations, weight loss programs and other beauty help to people who want to look better. Both programs are produced by Endemol USA, a division of Endemol Holding.

Former Trading Spaces carpenter guru, Ty Pennington is a “Jack of all trades.” In addition to being an author he has signed a multi-year deal with Sears as an ambassador for the Sears American Dream Campaign.
The design team includes host and carpenter Ty Pennington, Paul DiMeo (carpentry/attitude), Paige Hemmis (carpentry/nut & bolts), Michael Moloney (interiors/glamour), Constance Ramos (building/planning), Ed Sanders (construction), Preston Sharp (exteriors/big ideas) and Eduardo Xol (landscaping), plus Tanya McQueen (designer) and Daniel Kucan (designer).
My favorite Home Edition makeover is for the Piestewa family. Private-First-Class Lori Piestewa, 23, was killed in action on March 23, 2003 when her convoy was ambushed in Iraq. Lori died trying to save the lives of her friends, Jessica Lynch and Shoshannah Johnson, navigating a Humvee through gunfire and debris when it was hit by a rocket-propelled grenade. She was the first American woman killed in Iraq and believed to be the first Native American woman to die in a foreign war. She left behind two children who are being cared for by their grandparents, who currently live in a 1,200-square-foot mobile home. Before PFC Piestewa died, she told her best friend, PFC Jessica Lynch that her dream was to return to her home in Tuba City, Arizona and build her parents a house to which they could retire. With the help of neighboring tribes and Home Edition there was a house built in Flagstaff, AZ with a scenic mountain backdrop. On that mountain the makeover team made a memorial for Lori Piestewa.

I think there are several factors in why this ABC primetime show is so popular. I think this show reinforces some beliefs that we were taught growing up. First of all people always root for the underdog. I think the Cinderella complex, going from rags to riches, is the main interest because of the mindset that, that could be me. Secondly, people like to think there is justice in the world. Good things happen to good people. Next, individuality, people are naturally curious about other people. No one person on earth is alike; we‘re all unique and we all come from different backgrounds. Another factor could be Leviticus 19:18 which states “… thou shalt love thy neighbor…” You do well for others because it’s the nice and right thing to do. Hard work pays off could be another deeply held belief. The designers and crew are working within a strict time limit to get things done, often working through the night. Lastly, Extreme Makeover: Home Edition enforces the importance of family and home. I think the show is making a statement; this is where it starts so why not make it important.

For every action there is a reaction and from every good deed can come a bad deed. Under law these new homes are taxable. Will these deserving families be able to pay taxes on these new lavish homes? Variety has reported that producers for the show have “an innovative scheme” for getting around the tax law. And Newsweek states the show leases the homes, paying an amount for two weeks. The IRS allows tax-free rentals of less than 15 days, so at least two known renovation projects get off tax-free. Under a “leaseholder improvement” loophole producers apparently believe the renovations are just that, tax-free. Newsweek interviewed outside tax professionals that said the IRS would probably not agree.

The show has helped many people from low-income families to families that have lost loved ones. Obviously some good has been done for these families. They have a new lease on life and are given that second chance that many of us are not fortunate enough to receive. But are all problems solved after receiving such a gift? What would studies show post-Extreme Makeover: Home Edition? Are the creators of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition applying the golden rule or are they endorsing tax evasion?

Extreme Makeover: Home Edition is a (truly is a hollow adjective here) superb reality show that first aired on December 3, 2003. Each 60 minute episode features a team of designers, contractors and several hundred workers who must race against time: (you could subsititute the colon with a semicolon or a hyphen if you want) they only have a week to rebuild a house, a task that would normally take 4 months to do. Each episode begins with host Ty Pennington's famous "Good morning!" wake-up call, when he, along with the other designers surprise the unsuspecting family that their home would be redesigned. The families then get to go on a seven day vacation until the renovation has completed. When the family returns from their vacation in a tinted limo, they see a bus blocking their view of their new home. Now, Ty and the family tell the bus driver to “move that bus!" so the family can be amazed at the renovation. The show ends when Ty gives the keys to this lucky family.

(Start a new paragraph here because you are talking about something new.) Extreme Makeover: Home Edition a winner of two Emmy Awards as Best Reality Program (non-competitive), is entering its 4th season on ABC and is watched by millions. In its second season, it was one of the ten most popular shows on American television but it has become less popular now. The show is a by-product of Extreme Makeover; provides medical operations, weight loss programs and other beauty help to people who want to look better. Both programs are produced by Endemol USA, a division of Endemol Holding. (I am confused by the bold sentenecs. Are you trying to say that the Home Edition of Extreme Makeover also provides medical operations, weight loss programs, etc... ?)

The show has helped a rainbow of families, those who have financial problems, and those who have lost loved ones. (Could you possibly say from what these people have unfortunately died?) Evidently, families benefit enormously from this show. They have a new lease on life and are given that second chance that many of us are not fortunate enough to receive. (I don't think this is what you mean, perhaps you should write that their homes are now much more elegant, etc...) But are all problems solved after receiving such a gift? What would studies show post-Extreme Makeover: Home Edition? Are the creators of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition applying the golden rule or are they endorsing tax evasion?

Notes:

- Alert: you are introducing ideas and thoughts in your last paragraph. The last paragraph must merely restate your thesis and arguments, it must not introduce anything new, at all! You have some excellent arguments against the show, but you need to put the arguments in the beginning of your critical essay, not at the end. This I won't do for you, try it yourself!

- Your essay is quite informative; I wouldn't consider it technical. If you want your essay to flow more smoothly, proofread the sentences yourself and change accordingly. Make sure you write good sentences, which should reiterate information and should introduce new information to the reader. Further, don't introduce things too quickly or too abruptly, or you will wind up with choppy sentences.

Remember to come back if you need more proofreading and help! Very good start!

Thanks for your time!