Dear MountainHiker or somebody,
I have read a lot of different sorts of material on the internet and on this site about writing motivational letters, but it is my first experience. I have revised it, changed it and rewritten it thousand times, I need a fresh look of expert on it. I would be very much grateful if you could help me.

My main problems, as I see them myself, is the length, opening paragraph, language and childish manner... I just wanted to describe myself describing another person and adding some personal aspects of my life, is it a good idea? I am comletely confused. Looking forward any comments.
________________________________

Many people say about us “like father like daughter”, because I take after him in many ways. We often understand each other without saying a word and our viewpoints on many issues of life coincide. Even though my father has been always very strict to me, much more than my mother, the words he has said, the deeds he has done have been meant to make it better for me. Early in my childhood did I realize my father’s extraordinary influence on my life. Despite his long hours at work he always has had time for me. Each time he comes back home after another business trip abroad he brings me some presents and what is more important to me – real stories of other countries, other cultures. Growing up with such a strong role model, I have developed many of his ideas and enthusiasms such as a great desire to study new things, to improve myself, to achieve my goals and never lose heart even during very hard times.

My father started his business during perestroika period. It was not easy for him especially in the beginning when there were neither laws regulating market economy nor any practical experience of running business under market conditions and open economy. At that time my father took the risk of setting up his own business and began privatization of a chemical company producing plastic materials.

He encountered different problems and did all he could to solve them. For example in order to lower the costs he decided to refuse using imported raw materials. He initiated full-scale research process which resulted in obtaining high quality raw material similar to the imported one. During perestroika my father had to invest into new developments as well as diversify his business. Besides producing materials for other industries (refrigerators, TV sets) his company started manufacturing disposable plastic kitchenware, resins, paints, varnishes.

When I was a secondary school pupil I started to realize how hard it was for my father to secure well-being of my brother and me. Since my father had no economic training he had to learn everything himself. He acquired all his skills by trial-and-error method. At that time there were no possibilities to study business accessible to present day energetic young people.

Seeing it all with my own eyes I decided to get training in economy in order to help my father. I learned a lot from him how to be patient, determined, and purposeful. At the age of 13 I was admitted to economics-orientated school on the competitive basis. Of course, in the mid 90s there was no sufficient basis for studying all principles and rules of market activities, so I took up learning English to get an access to foreign information sources, scientific literature and master the complicated subject of business. After finishing school I decided to continue my training in economics and entered International Economics department at the Institute ***.

I have always been interested in the ways business is done in other countries, so having learned English I took up Italian and German. Now I am beginning to study French. Besides, each year I travel to Europe where I take different courses, and communicate with foreigners to strengthen my language abilities.

Foreign languages help me in my work at my father’s company. I interpret for him during international exhibitions, translate foreign market reviews and business correspondence. I think my sociability, flexibility, ability to work independently and in a team help me to do my job properly.

My parents have worked so hard for their children that I feel I must do my best to justify their hopes which they lay in me. I want to provide them with all the best conditions for life when they get older. This is the reason number one, why I want to receive good quality European education. In the future I want to apply the obtained knowledge and open and develop my own business in Russia. I am eager to change the current wrong stereotypes in relation to my country. I believe that young, energetic highly skilled and motivated people like me can efficiently contribute to this. We will be able to conduct civilized business, rationally use the rich natural resources of our country, attract internal and external investments for the country’s development, provide well-being of international level and strengthen economic and cultural relations.

So far I have a lot of energy, great desire for improvement as well as theoretical and practical experience, which is far from sufficient to reach the goals I set before myself.

Another reason of choosing your University is it’s high ratings among American and European universities. The education of such high standards received abroad is highly prestigious in Russia, even more in Siberia Many worldwide well-known business people, economists and politicians graduated from ***. Moreover my foreign friends expressed a lot of very positive opinions on your University teaching staff.

What is also very important for me is the country to stay for the period of studies. I have already been to *** 3 times and every trip increases my enthusiasm for this country. I am very interested in *** culture and history. I feel comfortable and natural communicating with *** and staying in ***. I believe I will easily adapt to new living conditions and social environment, because I lived in an *** host family last summer and didn’t experience any difficulties or problems.

Fortunately, I have the family that encourages me in everything I do. My plans to study abroad were met enthusiastically by my parents. Full approval and overall assistance of my father will help me to overcome obstacles which might arise in my way. His living example makes me much stronger and more patient. I will do my best in order not to disappoint him.

You might think the story about my father is too detailed and long, but I honestly consider him a great personality who has influenced my life very much.

Thank you for taking the time to consider my application.
I am looking forward to hearing from you in the near future,

Yours faithfully,
1 2
SGirl,

Can you please send me your letter by e-mail in MS Word format (preferably) at mountainhikerlotsofspam @ gmail.com and remove the "lotsofspam". The reason for the e-mail and MS Word request is that it is a lot easier to edit and provide comments.

Just some quick comments: your letter seems to lack a strong focus as to what you want to convey. It is more a stream of consciousness. The good news is that you have a strong grasp of English and I think I have a very compelling and interesting story to tell. So now it is just a matter of shaping your letter.

MH
I got your email and replied. You got some homework to do now. Emotion: smile
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With the invaluable help of Mountain Hiker my Motivation Letter has changed significantly. It took 14 (!) overall revisions and very hard work during last 4 days and nights. Now I am very happy with the finished product. If you'd like to see it with your own eyes, please feel free to ask for it via e-mail: a_c_eNOSPAM @ email.it (without "NOSPAM").

P.S.
Once again. Thank you, MH, so much...
Dear Siberial girl,

May I see your motivation letter. I really need to write a motivation letter.

Thanks
please write an e-mail to me and I'll answer it, attaching my ML
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Hello! Dear,

I would be very happy if you could help me in writting a moltivation letter since i wanted to use it in looking for an admission in a post graduate business administration school.

Thanks,
Duchee
see the post above, please
hello siberian_girl!

I need urgently a motivation letter in english but I speak very bad this language so I will be very gratefull to you if you accept to send me your motivation letter!;)

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