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Facebook dominates many people’s life, especially students’. It can have negative effects on their study and physical development. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Write an essay (about 350 words) to express your opinion.

It is true that the digital revolution has had profound effects on our lives, and one of the latest advances in technology was the development of Facebook, a social network system which enables users to live in a virtual community. Therefore, a number of people say that it is detrimental to our lives, especially students’ as it affects their studies and physical development. To my view, while I believe that Facebook can have some negative impacts, I am in favour of its benefits.

On the one hand, it is true that Facebook brings about many bad consequence in the studies and daily lives of youngster. Firstly, owing to the attraction of several activities that Facebook offers, students often indulge themselves spending an inordinate amount of time on browsing it. Therefore, they are distracted from learning and inevitably fall behind with their studies. Secondly, it is common that youngster nowadays spend most of their time on Facebook to the exclusion of other activities, such as physical exercises and socializing. Consequently, these are more likely to prone to health problems including eystrain or obesity, and even more detrimental is the neglect of social skills required. In fact, these consequences can be put down to the intensive using of social networks, Facebook as an example.

On the other hand, I would argue that Facebook has numerous advantages, which outweigh its drawbacks. The first benefit is that it offers users a huge source of information. Particularly, for students, there are a large number of learning materials which is usually organized as studying pages or chatrooms. These types of format provide learners with free educational documents, and they can easily access to that just by a click or a keyword. Moreover, they can also join many chatroom to discuss with other students from all over the world, which will tremendously help them to understand the matters thoroughly in different approachs. Another benefit is that Facebook users can join in virtual groups about health or sports, in which members who have experience in a field share tips and give advice to other amateurs. Thereby, they can be inspired and motivated to take up a sport by their fellows.

In conclusion, despite the fact that Facebook somewhat has negative influence on students when it is used wrongly, I do believe that youngster can take its advantages tremendously if they are wise users.

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Subject: Please review my IELTS essay

Message body:
Topic: Facebook dominates many people’s life, especially students’. It can have negative effects on their study and physical development. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

My essay:

(Your text here...)
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It is true that (Those words add no content your your essay.) The digital revolution has had profound effects on our lives, and one of the latest advances in technology was the development of Facebook, a social network system which enables users to live in a virtual community. Therefore, (Incorrect usage of transition word) A number of people say that it is detrimental to our lives, especially students’ as it affects their studies and physical development. To my view, while I believe that Facebook can have some negative impacts, I am in favour of its benefits.

On the one hand, it is true that Facebook brings about many bad consequence in the studies and daily lives of youngster. (wrong form. You use it like it is the name of one person. Also, "youngster" not a good word choice. A youngster is an informal word for a child between 7 and 12 years old. The topic also includes older children.) Firstly, First, owing to the attraction of several activities that Facebook offers, students often indulge themselves spending an inordinate amount of time on browsing it. Therefore, they are distracted from learning and inevitably fall behind with their studies. Secondly, Second, it is common that youngster (wrong form) nowadays spend most of their time on Facebook to the exclusion of other activities, such as physical exercises and socializing. Consequently, these are more likely to prone (wrong usage. Prone is not a verb.) to health problems including eystrain or obesity, and even more detrimental is the neglect of social skills required. In fact, these consequences can be put down to the intensive using (wrong form) of social networks, Facebook as an example.

On the other hand, I would argue that Facebook has numerous advantages, (no comma) which outweigh its drawbacks. The first benefit is that it offers users a huge ("Huge" is too informal for an academic essay) valuable source of information. Particularly, for students, there is are a large amount number of material for learning materials which is usually organized as studying pages or chatrooms. (?? A chat room is not learning material.) These types of format (wrong word - resources) provide learners with free educational documents, and that they can easily access to that (wrong usage) just by a click or a keyword. Moreover, they can also join many chatroom (wrong form) to discuss with other students from all over the world, which will tremendously help them to understand the matters thoroughly in different approachs. Another benefit is that Facebook users can join in virtual groups about health or sports, in which members who have experience in a field share tips and give advice to other amateurs. Thereby, they can be inspired and motivated to take up a sport (wrong word order) by their fellow group members to take up a sport.

In conclusion, despite the fact that Facebook somewhat has negative influence on students when it is used wrongly, I do believe that youngster (wrong form) can take its advantages tremendously if they are wise users.

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Thank you!

P.s I am a new member so I didnt know where to post my essay and how to name the subject. Thanks for helping me and I will post in the right place later

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