This is my Nar/Des essay that is due today. How's it sound? Any comments? Does my intro and conclusion work?

Fearing Labor

Childbirth is the most astonishing experience women can endure, and many feel lucky to have survived. Along with any pregnancy comes fear: whether is the issue of pain or problems that could develop, the fear is there and it is real.

On the night of October 28, 2003, I lay in bed wondering if I was going to make it through the next twenty-four hours. Inducing labor was a scary thing for me. What kind of pain would I go through? What problems would arise? I had so many questions. I turned on the small fan, hoping the sound would calm me so I could sleep, but it did not work. I lay there in the dark for hours tossing and turning. When the alarm clock rang, I crawled out of bed, turned off my fan and waddled into the bathroom. As I showered, my mind raced with the same questions as the night before. I finished up in the bathroom, my husband loaded the car and off we went to the hospital.

It was still dark outside when I checked in and the nurses were very friendly. I changed into the hospital attire and crawled into bed. My doctor entered the room, described the induction, and administered my Pitocin drip, the drug used to induce labor. He told me not to eat since it would upset my stomach, which did not seem to matter since I was already queasy from anxiety. As the hours crept by, I grew agitated. I had irregular contractions but nothing seemed to transpire. By 7 pm, my doctor appeared, disconnected the drip and informed me that we would try again tomorrow. I was livid; I had just wasted the whole day with no results.

They re-administered the Pitocin drip first thing in the morning. This time was rather different. My contractions were more regular, and stronger. I felt as though I was exploding from the inside out. Eventually the anesthesiologist arrived to administer the epidural, a local anesthetic used in pain control. He took out an enormous needle, and as I looked at it, a sense of fear rushed through me. As it pierced into my back and entered my spine, I experienced a muscle spasm. I hoped it did not do any damage. Soon after, I had no feeling from my waist down. I never experienced partial paralysis before and I never wanted to again. A short time later, my doctor reappeared to check my status. He discovered that I was not dilating and the baby was wedged on my pelvis. What did this mean? I was frightened. Was something wrong with me? Is my baby ok? All my anxiety came rushing back when he started to talk about a Caesarean Section. I never had surgery before and I did not know what to do. Calmly, the Doctor reassured me that it was a normal procedure and everything would be fine. I was a bit leery but I had no choice. He scheduled the surgery for 7 pm and once again, disengaged the drip.

They transported me into the surgery room and placed me on a gurney. While I was lying there, an excruciating pain shot through my back. I reported this to my doctor and he responded, “Relax and it will go away.” I thought to myself, “Relax! How can I relax when you are planning a major operation on me? Relax, yeah right.” I took a deep breath and thought to myself, “its okay.” After a while, the pain subsided. While preparing for the surgery, the doctor took off my gown and left me exposed for the whole team of doctors to observe. I was not very pleased being nude in front of twenty people. They placed a curtain near my chest so I could not witness the brutalization that I was about to undergo. Before the doctor began the procedure, he asked me repeatedly, “Can you feel this?” and with each question, I responded, “No”. He informed me “Ok, your cut open.” This, in no way, put my mind at ease. In fact, it horrified me. As my husband walked into the room, he noticed the look of sheer terror on my face. He tried to reassure me that everything was all right but in my mind, nothing was all right. The procedure was underway. It took some time but I realized that I had to go through this so I started to relax. Right after that moment, I heard the cry. The one I had waited nine months to hear. There was my baby, screaming but okay. They presented him to me for a brief moment and rushed him away to perform the normal battery of tests. Everything was all right now. It was over.

That night as I lay in the recovery room I thought, “How could anyone want to go through this?” The whole day had been a nightmare and I felt as though they had put me on the butcher’s assembly line. My fear was gone and I made it through alive. It was then my husband brought in the baby. As I held him in my arms, the past thirty-six hours seemed to vanish. His tiny eyes peering at me as though he thought his day had been worse. It might have been, but as I looked at what I created, I came to the realization that no amount of fear could ever surpass the miracle of life. Even after all the physical discomfort and mental anguish, the overwhelming sense of love that fills you is worth it and I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.
whether it is
checked in, (add comma)
put two blank spaces after a period
pierced (omit into)
wedged in (not on)
Was (not is) my baby OK
Caesarean or caesarean section (note capital)
doctor, not Doctor
once again disengaged (no comma)
you're cut, not your
This in no way (no commas)
all right, but
through this, so
heard the cry-- the one (the second part is not a separate sentence as you have it)

Very well done, indeed, Court. (And I empathize with the spinal anesthetic-- I've suffered its effects several times now.)

Thank you so much for your comments! I greatly appreciate it!

Site Hint: Check out our list of pronunciation videos.
Great essay I must say.Wish I could write something like that.Help me improve my English please,I'll be sitting for my GCSE paper next year!!!