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Hello,

Is my paragraph proper English?

  • In my view, if a person wants to have a better life, he should be ready to change his job if it is necessary for two reasons. First, it shows that he has an ability to make money and support his family. For example, due to economic recession, nowadays, it is not unusual to see men are out of work and sit at home but their wafe works outside.( I'm not sure what you say in English). Second, it shows that he has a felxibility to react to the situation. For instance. when my uncle moved to Germany, he couldn't find a job in his profession , since he studied agriculture, so, he began to work for a pharmacy and delivered medicine. Now, he has a big company and 10 people are working for him.

Thank you so much for your time and effort.
Comments  
in my opinion, if one desires a better life, he should open to changing a job. There are two reasons why this should happen. First, it shows that a man is capable of providing for his family. However, due to economic recession, it is not uncommon to see an unemployed man step down from the role of breadwinner and let the wife bear the task.

On the other hand, a man who takes on new challenges in his career also displays his flexibility and resilience in reaction to the financial quandary. For instance, when my uncle moved to Germany, he couldn't find a job of his profession. Even though he majored in agricultural study, he still worked for a pharmacy and delivered medicine to the customers. Guess what? He is now an owner of a big company with 10 staff working for him.
you still need to work harder in terms of fluency and grammar proficiency.