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Please check the grammar

Hi Miss Sally,

I just want to follow up the status of the our new system, I've already discussed/demostrated to you the flow of our new program, and also the document for your acceptance is already sent. May I know when can we close this project. Thanks.............
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Hi,

Hi Sally, (or 'Ms. Smith' if you are not on a first-name basis)

I just want to check on the status of the our new system. A you know, I've already discussed and demonstrated to you our new program. The document for your acceptance has already been sent. Please let me know when can we close this project. Thanks.............

Best wishes, Clive
Comments  
Thank you very much Clive