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Hello guys!! I need an opinion on my motivation letter and some help please Emotion: smile)
I should say it's first motivation letter in my life.. so I hope you guys will help meeeee. please!!!

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am hereby applying for entrance to Bachelor level Program to Classical Music Performance at the for the September, 2011 fall term. Now I am in my final year of studies at Lyceum №1 (high school), , in my native , where I receive Secondary Education in May 2011.


But first of all I would like to present some background about myself. My name is Arina XXX, I am living in . I was born in a musical family. Maybe because of that since my childhood I dreamt about being pianist. Almost every day I saw my mother playing on piano, father playing trumpet and learning new parts. It was so amazing in my eyes, and I said to myself, “Yes, I’ll be a musician!!” So, since that time I also tried to play piano, and soon my parents lead me to the in our city.

During my studies I was taking part in the different concerts, competitions and charitable evenings. For example, I took part in significant departure our music school in the State Academy of Music, in charitable concert for blind and dumb people. Also I got many diplomas and thankful letters from city administration. My teachers and director know me as a courteous and resourceful student.

Earlier, my family and I often moved from one place of living to another. That’s why I have changed three schools. But I’ve never been confused by this. On the contrary, it gives many pluses. It’s new friends, new contacts, links and acquaintances, new atmosphere. It completed in me such good qualities like kindness, humanity, responsiveness, curiosity, honesty, diligence. And, I hope, in Academy I without problem could find new friends, make contact with teachers and demonstrate these qualities in person.

I always wanted to go and study abroad. I have a good command of the English language, and I promise I will not have difficulty in studying any subjects taught in Norwegian. I always interested in different languages, especially, in Scandinavian, and for this moment I have big interest to Norwegian. However, I still strive to improve my vocabulary, writing and communicating skills and I know that studying in a foreign country would help greatly in this pursuit. I will also be able to learn about a new culture and meet people with different perspectives. I think this would give me the opportunity to re-discover and upgrade myself as a person and as a student of music.

The foremost reason I always wanted to study abroad is to explore the technology and the quality of education which countries in west possess. is not only famous for its fjords, but also for their exceptional education system. I always thought higher education in would enhance my knowledge and hone my co-curricular and extra-curricular skills. I always had a keen interest in music since my childhood and I believe would be the best place to achieve my career objectives.

The excellence of Yours studying program are time abroad, establishing relationships with others from around the world. And the practical experience I would gain would tremendously enrich me and help me in my quest to achieve excellence. I know that in Your Academy are studying young people not only from , but from many other countries. So I hope that I could meritorious represent Belarus in the of in . I know that Norway is very beautiful country, with incomparable nature, exceptional fjords and brilliant folk culture, and I will be very glad to show Norwegian culture in Belarus and Belarusian culture in .

In conclusion I would like to say that of in has very good reputation and high standard of education in . It’s proud to be and to study there. So I am positive that I could find my own way to start my music career there.

Thank You for your time and consideration.

I am looking forward to meet you soon.

Sincerely Yours,
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Hi Arisha, welcome to the Forums!
I've made some suggestions on your motivation letter below. You could make it better by not repeating yourself so much. For example you mention your home city several times. Instead of general ideas, you could give more personal information such as the instruments you play, and perhaps some favorite music, or difficult pieces that you have mastered.

I am hereby (hereby is extremely formal, and does not really fit the style of the rest of your essay. I would delete it.) applying for entrance to the Bachelor level Program in to Classical Music Performance at the Academy of Music for the September, 2011 fall term. Now I am in my final year of studies at Lyceum №1 (high school), Grodno, in my native Belarus, where I will finish my receive secondary education in May 2011.
But first of all I would like to present some background about myself. My name is Arina XXX, I am living in Grodno, Belarus. I was born into a musical family. Maybe because of that since my childhood I have dreamt about being a pianist. Almost every day I saw my mother playing the piano, father playing trumpet and learning new parts. It was so amazing in my eyes, and I said to myself, “Yes, I’ll be a musician!!” So, since that time I also tried to play (did you succeed?) piano, and soon my parents sent lead me to the (capitalize Music School only if you give the name of the school) Music School in our city.
During my Musical School studies I took was taking part in the different many concerts, competitions and charitable evenings. For example, I took part in significant departure our music school played at in the State Academy of Music in a charitable concert for blind and deaf (actually, a better term would be visually impaired and hearing-impaired) people. Also I received got many diplomas (do you mean awards? A diploma is what you get when you graduate.) and thankful letters from the city administration. My teachers and director know me as a courteous and resourceful student.
Earlier, my family and I often moved from one place of living to another. That’s why I have changed three schools three times. But I’ve never been confused by this. On the contrary, it gives many pluses. It’s made new friends, new contacts, links and acquaintances, and enjoyed the new atmosphere in each place. It instilled completed in me such good qualities like kindness, humanity, responsiveness, curiosity, honesty, and diligence. And, I hope, in the Academy I would have no without problems in could finding new friends, making contact with teachers and demonstrating these qualities in person.
I have always wanted to go and study abroad. I have a good command of the English language, and I promise I will not have difficulty in studying any subjects taught in Norwegian. I always have been interested in different languages, especially, in Scandinavian languages, and for this moment I have a special big interest in Norwegian. However, I still strive to improve my vocabulary, writing and communication skills and I know that studying in a foreign country would help greatly in this pursuit. I will also be able to learn about a new culture and meet people with different perspectives. I think this would give me the opportunity to re-discover and upgrade (enrich or develop would be better. Upgrade is used more for things, not people.) myself as a person and as a student of music.
The foremost reason I always wanted to study abroad is to explore the technology and the quality of education which countries in the west possess. Norway is not only famous for its fjords, but also for their exceptional education system. I always thought higher education in Norway would enhance my knowledge and hone my co-curricular and extra-curricular skills. I always had a keen interest in music since my childhood and I believe Norway would be the best place to achieve my career objectives.
The excellence of Yours studying (is this the name of a program?) program are (plural verb? The subject is singular.) time abroad, establishing relationships with others from around the world. And the practical experience I would gain would tremendously enrich me and help me in my quest to achieve excellence. I know that in Your Academy are studying young people not only from Norway, but from many other countries are studying. So I hope that I could meritoriously represent Belarus in the Academy of Music in Oslo. I know that Norway is very beautiful country, with incomparable nature, exceptional fjords and brilliant folk culture, and I will be very glad to show Norwegian culture in Belarus and Belarusian culture in Norway.
In conclusion I would like to say that Academy of Music in Oslo has very good reputation and high standard of education in Europe. It’s I would be proud to be and to study there. So I am positive that I could find my own way to start my music career there.
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AlpheccaStars, thank sooooo much!!!
You can't imagine how you helped me!! really!!!!
thank you many many times Emotion: smile))))

sorry, but if I correct my letter and add smth, will You look through it again?? please?? Emotion: smile
it's so important!! Emotion: smile
Hi Arisha:

If you rewrite your letter and post it in a reply to this thread, I will look at it again.

All the best,
A-Emotion: stars