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NO TRESPASSING WITHOUT PERMISSION.
-In a cementery:
PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.
-Dry cleaner's Bangkok:
DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULT.
-Hotel elevator, Paris:
PLEASE LEAVE YOUR VALUES AT THE FRONT DESK.
-A laundry room in Rome:
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.
Hope you enjoy them.
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS
-An advertisement by a Hong kong dentist:
TEETH EXTRACTED BY THE LATEST METHODISTS
-hotel in Japan:
COOLS AND HEATES: IF YOU WANT JUST CONDITION OF WARM AIR IN YOUR ROOM, PLEASE CONTROL YOURSELF.
-On an Athi River Highway:
TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.
hope you enjoy them.
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I have a City Guide book for my hometown in Japan. The local City Hall produced it, and it is a really great effort in helping English speakers to feel at home here (thanks). There are a couple of amusing suggestions in the book;
2) Prevention of fire
*DO NOT TOSS A CIGARETTE AND SMOKE IN BED. (OK, I'll find something else to toss, and I promise to smoke like a chimney.
*USUALLY KNOW HOW TO USE A FIRE EXTINGUISHER. (I promise I will only forget sometimes)
Japan is often troubled by earthquakes (local pronunciation is ASSQUAKES - cracks me up every time) so there is a local organisation to take care of these. The sign on the front of the building reads;
EARTHQUAKE COMMUNITY DISASTER CITIZEN PREVENTION CENTER I want to go in and find out more, but I am afraid of being labelled a 'Disaster Citizen' and added to the list of those who are to be prevented.
I recently asked someone their hobby. "Taking care of the earth" was the answer, but due to local pronunciation I heard "taking care of the ass_". What a hobby!!
THERE WILL BE A MOSCOW EXHIBITION OF ARTS BY 15,000 SOVIET REPUBLIC PAINTERS AND SCUPTORS. THESE WERE EXECUTED OVER THE PAST FEW YEARS.
-Hotel lobby, Bucharest:
THE LIFT IS BEING FIXED FOR THE NEXT DAY. DURING THAT TIME WE REGRET THAT YOU WILL BE UNBEARABLE.
-A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.
-Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations:
GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.
hope you enjoy them.
P.S. I once did a disgusting behaviour in the shower, but there was no sign there so I got away with it.
DO NOT ACTIVATE WITH WET HANDS.
-Hotel brochure, Italy:
THIS HOTEL IS RENOWNED FOR ITS PEACE AND SOLITUDE. IN FACT, CROWDS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD FLOCK HERE TO ENJOY ITS SOLITUDE.
THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMERMAID.
-On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
"Except" can't be put as the first word of the sentence.
(It's one of the grammar laws.)
Guest:my mother likes omelettes so go cry me a river! my opinion of this dog is public.
People are waiting to help.
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