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Hello, thanks for taking the time for looking at my post. I´m an American currently living in Spain and need some help with from my native speakers. Im applying for graduate school and need some feedback and advice. My letter is not yet completed but I would like any suggestions you might have. Thanks again!

To whom it may concern,

I am writing to express my interest in applying for a Master´s Degree in ***and ****Studies at the University of ****** for the fall 2011 semester. The program in particular caught my interest, because of the flexibility of classes offered at the Edwards Campus and emphasis in knowledge and skills that are necessary to compete in the international job sector.

I have obtained my Bachelor´s of Arts in International Studies and Spanish from ********** University in December 2009. I have had a decent academic record with a vigorous course load which I was able to complete before my anticipated graduation date. During my undergraduate career I was the campus coordinator for Hispanics of Today, which was to promote the Hispanic culture and diversity on campus through fundraisers and campus activities.

During my time at *********, I was given the opportunity to study abroad in India and South America where I was a participant in economic and cultural lectures offered by our host organizations.

After completion of my Bachelor´s degree, I am currently living in *******, Spain where I am a North American Language and Cultural Assistant through the Ministry of Education of Spain. I act as a teaching assistant, sharing my knowledge of the English language and North American culture in a public high school. I am sure that knowledge of Spanish and English will be advantages in obtaining a Master´s Degree in ******and ******* Studies as well as working in public service.

My career aim is to obtain employment with the Department of State in the United States government relating to consular affairs and Foreign Service. When I moved abroad, I found contentment in meeting with the consular office who informed me about all my rights as a citizen of the United States living abroad by offering support and consular assistance. I would like to acquire a strong background in strategic and analytical thinking as well knowledge and managerial skills to which would better prepare me for public service for U.S. citizens and interests abroad.

In conclusion, I would like to say that I am eager to gain new experiences and knowledge and feel that this program is the best way to achieve my goal. I am positive that a Master´s Degree in ****** and ********* Studies from the University ******** will give me a proper foundation and will of a diverse learning environment for my professional career.

Thank you for considering my application. I look forward to your positive response.
Comments  
Hi izzle284; I offer some suggestions for your letter.

Regards,
A-Emotion: stars

To whom it may concern,
I am writing to express my interest in applying for a Master´s Degree in ***and ****Studies at the University of ****** for the fall 2011 semester. The This program in particular caught my interest, because of the flexibility of classes offered at the Edwards Campus and emphasis on the in knowledge and skills that are necessary to compete in the international job sector.
I have obtained my Bachelor´s of Arts in International Studies and Spanish from ********** University in December 2009. I have had a decent (decent can be a bit negative - use another word) academic record despite with a vigorous course load which enabled me I was able to complete before my anticipated scheduled graduation date. During my undergraduate career, I was the campus coordinator for Hispanics of Today, which is an organization established was to promote the Hispanic culture and diversity on campus through fundraisers and campus activities.
During my time at **, I was given the opportunity to study abroad in India and South America where I was a participant in economic and cultural lectures offered by our host organizations.
After Since completingion of my Bachelor´s degree, I have been currently living in *******, Spain where I am a North American Language and Cultural Assistant through the Ministry of Education of Spain. I act as a teaching assistant, sharing my knowledge of the English language and North American culture in a public high school. I am sure that my fluency in both knowledge of Spanish and English will be an advantages in obtaining a Master´s Degree in ******and ******* Studies as well as working in public service.
My career aim is to obtain employment with the Department of State in the United States government relating to consular affairs and Foreign Service. When I moved abroad, I found contentment in meeting with the consular office who informed me about all my rights as a citizen of the United States living abroad by offering support and consular assistance. I would like to acquire a strong background in strategic and analytical thinking as well knowledge and managerial skills to which would better prepare me for public service for U.S. citizens and interests abroad.
In conclusion, I would like to say that I am eager to gain new experiences and knowledge and feel that this program is the best way to achieve my goal. I am positive that a Master´s Degree in ****** and ********* Studies from the University ******** will give me a proper foundation and will offer a diverse learning environment for my professional career.

Thank you for considering my application. I look forward to your positive response.
AlpheccaStars, thank you so much for your help!! I'm not the best letter writter so I can use all the help I get. I really appreciate you taking time proof my letter.
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Actually I have another question for you if you don't mind?

When you said to substitute "decent" could I use "modest" instead? I mean I want to get across that I did well in college but I wasn't cum laude or anything like that. I want to be honest but not negative, if that makes sense.
Some words you might use are: good, solid, consistent, and respectable. These are all positive, but not over-inflated.

Thank you so much. Also I made a few changes to some paragraphs, I was wondering if you could take a look and offer any suggestions.

I have obtained my Bachelor´s of Arts in International Studies and Spanish from ******* in December 2009. I have had a respectable academic record with a vigorous course load which I was able to complete before my anticipated graduation date. During my undergraduate career I was the campus coordinator for Hispanics of Today, which was to promote the Hispanic culture and diversity on campus through fundraisers and campus activities. Every year our organization acts as representatives of our university at the United States Hispanic Leadership Institute conference, which is an internationally recognized Latino organization where they promote youth empowerment and civic responsibility to young Latino students.

During my time at ********, I was given the opportunity to study abroad in India and various countries South America where I was a participant in economic and cultural lectures offered by our host organizations. My study abroad experiences were a positive catalyst for self-discovery and maturity. Study abroad had a major impact on my life by giving me first hand knowledge of different cultures, economic, and political systems expanding my intercultural development. I believe because of my study abroad experiences and now my current position living over seas has sparked my interest in the international job sector, but more specifically helping my citizens of my country who are embracing a new experience.
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Hi izzle284,
I've made a few more suggestions for your consideration.

I have obtained my Bachelor´s of Arts (Bachelor of Arts / BA / Bachelor's degree) in International Studies and Spanish from ******* in December 2009. I have had a respectable academic record with a vigorous course load that which I was able to complete before my anticipated graduation date. During my undergraduate career I was the campus coordinator for Hispanics of Today, which was (if the group still exists, use present tense - is organised / was organised ...) to promote the Hispanic culture and diversity on campus through fundraisers and campus activities. Every year our organization acts as representatives from of our university at the United States Hispanic Leadership Institute conference, which is an internationally recognized Latino organization where they promote youth empowerment and civic responsibility to young Latino students.
During my time at **, I was given the opportunity to study abroad in India and various countries South America where I was a participant (use participant if you presented a lecture, use "I attended" if you only listened to thelectures) in economic and cultural lectures offered by our host organizations. My study abroad experiences were a positive catalyst for my self-discovery and maturation maturity. Study abroad had a major impact on my life by giving me first-hand knowledge of different cultural, economic, and political systems and expanding my intercultural development. I believe that both because of my study abroad experiences and now my current position living overseas over seas has sparked my interest in the international job sector, and that has been reinforced by more specifically helping my citizens of my country who are embracing a new experience.