From past to present, art is remarkably invested by the government. It is often said that government should spend money for the development of other fields instead of wasting on the arts. I disagree with this opinion, I think art plays an important role in the development of each country so it definitely receives government support.

View from different sides, there are many things that art can help and other fields are not able to. To start with, art reflects historical and culture of a city, a country or generally mankind. Second, art bridges the gap between people, people enjoy and participate in art activities without any discrepancy. Thus, it also improves quality of life and boosts the tourism field. Thanks to art, Vietnam attracts many tourists every year, they come to Vietnam to enjoy art and understand our culture. Third, art provides some people with work, especially artists or singers, they are watched by hundreds to thousands of fans. As far as i know, many songs heard by billions of people, many movies have earned billions of dollars, …

Apparently, spending on art doesn’t affect other fields. Art not only brings enjoyment but also a unique feature of the country. For instance, every time leaders come to Viet Nam, they appreciate culture and art such as Dong Ho paintings or royal music. Moreover, in every country students are educated in the arts in addition to other subjects.

In conclusion, despite some discussions about art, it seems to be that investment in art is necessary and significant. Art will gradually disappear if we don’t support and protect it, we should contribute to the development of art whether individually or collectively.

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Topic:

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

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My essay:

(Your text here...)
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From past to present, (That is not a very natural (native) English expression.) art is remarkably invested (wrong verb form) by the government. It is often said (avoid these passive voice dummy-it clauses. They are not very tasteful.) that government should spend money for the development of other fields (poor word choice) instead of wasting it on the arts. I (Use an adverb of extent to answer the prompt.) totally disagree with this opinion, (comma splice error, ungrammatical sentence.) I think art plays an important role in the development of each country so it definitely receives (wrong verb form. You need a modal verb.) government support.

View from different sides, there are many things that art can help and other fields are not able to. To start with, art reflects historical (Historical is an adjective. You cannot use it as a noun.) and culture of a city, a country or generally mankind. Second, art bridges the gap between people, (comma splice error, ungrammatical sentence.) people enjoy and participate in art activities without any discrepancy. (wrong word choice) Thus, it also improves quality of life and boosts the tourism field. ("field is incorrect. you mean industry.)" Thanks to art, Vietnam attracts many tourists every year, (comma splice error, ungrammatical sentence.) they come to Vietnam to enjoy art and understand our culture. Third, art provides some people with work, especially artists or singers, (comma splice error, ungrammatical sentence.) they are watched by hundreds to thousands of fans. As far as i know, many songs heard by billions of people, many movies have earned billions of dollars, (ungrammatical sentence.) (Never use "..." in formal writing. Never use "etc." and never use "and so on.")

Apparently, spending on art doesn’t (Never use contractions in formal writing.) affect other fields. Art not only brings enjoyment but also a unique feature of the country. (I do not understand that.) For instance, every time leaders come to Viet Nam, they appreciate culture and art such as Dong Ho paintings or royal music. Moreover, in every country students are educated in the arts in addition to other subjects.

In conclusion, despite some discussions about art, it seems to be that investment in art is necessary and significant. Art will gradually disappear if we don’t support and protect it, (comma splice error, ungrammatical sentence.) we should contribute to the development of art whether individually or collectively.


You have many ungrammatical sentences. Most of them are due to comma splices errors.

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Your advices are really helpful. Thanks a lot for spending time and helping me with this essay.