Rob, this is my homework. I would be very grateful if you check it!..

Topic for The essay: A government's main priority is to provide education for its people

It is generally accepted that the educational level of each country have a direct relationship with its developement . In other words, as much people have access to education, the country have more opportunities to grow. Therefore goverments have to spend an important part of their budget to provide good educational levels for their people. Since the last century, most of goverments have understood the importance of education and they have made large programmes for teaching people to read and write.

Nowadays, people need more tools than read and write to get a job and goverments must make a bigger effort in education to provide it them. Furthermore, countries need education to support its democracies since people need education to be aware of their rights and to demand respect for them. However, governments have to attend other important needs for its people such as providing health and work.

It is generally accepted that sometimes is most urgently for people be able to get food and basic health assistance than education, above all, citizens of poor countries. Nevertheless, I firmly believe that if governments do not put attention on education's development, it is very probable that their hand work remain in basic levels and their industries not become to develop themselves and earn too much money.

Finally, It seems to me that goverments not only have to invest in basic education, but also in high education because only the research and university work could provide new tools and new solutions for countries' needs and along with this, people could get more opportunities to develop themselves as persons.
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First, don't use I in this paper because you haven't really instantiated part of your experience. You are only stating what you think and you wouldn't be writing this paper unless that's what you really think, I hope so.

I don't see the thesis statement, or if I do, I don't see your supporting of it. It sounds to me that your thesis is: Since the last century, most of goverments have understood the importance of education and they have made large programes for teaching people to read and write.

You never actually talked about how most of the governments understood the importance of education in the last century. Also, which programs? Next, where does this whole section on health and work comes from?
Hi Sofia,

As I said in class, you need to work on the basic structure: introduction, body and conclusion.
Remember the sentences of the intro. Introducing the general topic then narrow that topic down to focus on the question. Restate the question in your own words and most importantly, state your thesis statement. The thesis statement is normally the last sentence of the Intro.
We need to know your point of view and your support for it. Remember to STAY ON TOPIC.
Each paragraph of the body section should be a point that supports your thesis.
The conclusion should leave the reader with a feeling of completion.

For the moment, concentrate on the structure of your essay, don't worry too much about the finer grammatical points at the moment.

Everything that Jacko said is valid too!
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Woodward is a teacher! OMG, I should be more careful with my comments, seriously! I just have a question, do we really have to follow that old, boring, hackneyed style of writing: introduction, body, and conclusion? I do it for my college paper, but do we really have to?
Sorry as I didn't mean style, but structure of writing.
LOL...don't worry about your comments. I'm a teacher but it doesn't mean I know everything. I love to know other people's opinions and ideas, be they from other teachers or students. Don't Change what you have been doing until now!

Though it seems traditionally boring and typical, the I-B-C type of essay, it is usually the best way to express your thesis, and often the people that mark international exams like Sofia is doing, love this type of thing. When you have this type of structure and you know what to do in each part (how to organise it), it is so much easier to write your 250 or so words in the short amount of time that the exams ask for.
Sometimes in class work though, there are teachers that stear away from this tradition type. It depends on the school and the teacher and whether the sun is shining or not.Emotion: wink

Stick to the I-B-C style essay in the traditional exams though, just to be on the safe side.
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Yeah, and I'll find my own structure, hopefully when I become a seasoned writer, though I have no plans in becoming one.
For me, as a teacher, the task is quite clear. To drive the more executive type of students towards creativity, and the creative ones towards executiveness.( while practicing and producing the language of course) . So the classical I B C type of structural limitations would be useful to be prometed in the second group. Though an essay bt itself is a creative task. The limitation of thinking by any inflexible rules are not productive I beleive. But that's just an opinion.
I agree with you Pieter. Creativity should be let to flow freely, the only problem with that is that International examiners are stuck in their typical I-B-C ways and anything other than what they are used to is a shock to their system. I am totally for students freely expressing themselves, I wish the examiners (and the exam marking guides) thought the same way.
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