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1. As per our telephone conversation ,please note that now we can only offer you special customer 20% discount as extra 10% which we had given under sports award partnership agreement will be deducted.since sports award partnership agreement with your company will be expired upon the signing of partners for the next sport award.And this years sports award signing ceremony will be held tonight.

2. Kindly note that we are offering you 20% discount to Izvtravel under terms of nestle special customer benifits.This is valid until 31st of 2011.We do thank Izvtravel for the support given to sports award over the past years and for the relationship we present in between Nestle and Izvtravel.

Please check the above two paragraphs and tell me which is correct grammatically ? Those two paragraphs are about a two companies.company x and company y. Company x hold sport award ceremony every year and company y was their partner in previous year. Being a partner company y gets benefits like discount of 10%.however company y decided not to be partner of this years sports award of company x.But still company y get special customer 20% discount.what i am trying to say in the paragraph is that I cannot offer 30% discount to company as sports award partnership agreement will be expired upon the signing of new partners for sports award.
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hitchiker Please check the above two paragraphs and tell me which is correct grammatically ?
Both of the paragraphs have grammatical errors.
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Please highlight th errors in both paragraph and tell me which paragraph is better.
Hi;
I cannot tell you which paragraph is better because they say different things. The first one is clearer; the second is more difficult to understand. I have made some suggestions for your consideration.
Regards,
A-Emotion: stars

1. As per our telephone conversation, please note that now we can only offer you the special customer 20% discount because the extra 10%, which we had given you under the sports award partnership agreement will be deducted.since sports award partnership agreement with your company will expire be expired upon the signing of the partners for the next this year's sports award. The And this year's sports award signing ceremony will be held tonight.

2. Kindly note that we are offering you a 20% discount on to Izvtravel (I'm not sure about this - are you giving the discount to Izvtravel, or to some other customer who is buying Izvtravel?) under the terms of the Nestle special customer benefit benifits.This is valid until 31st of (Missing word) 2011. We do thank Izvtravel for their support given to the sports award over the past years and for the relationship we present(? have, play) in between Nestle and Izvtravel. (this does not make sense - what relationship are you talking about?)