My friend was recently involved in a drunk driving accident. I have to write a character letter for him. Here is what I have so far. The closing and intro are weak. Any help would be appreciated. I know my writing isn't that strong any way you can suggest to make it sound stronger would also be helpful.

The Honorable ***:

The detrimental actions of Alex *** have caused a great amount of distress and have been devastating to everyone involved. No amount of remorse, no matter how heartfelt, can excuse his actions. Despite the poor choices made by Mr. ***, I believe his actions to be out character.
I first met Alex when he was a freshman in high school. We were both members of the track team, and on our schools 3200 relay team. Over two years I trained with Alex the members of our relay team grew close, almost inseparable. Before meets we would get dinner together, and the four of us would many times hang out both before and after meets. My senior year, through hard work, dedication, and team work our relay set the school record, and qualified for the state meet, where Alex lead off for us, and lead much of the race. Since graduating I have kept in touch with Alex, and have came back to watch him run on a number of occasions.
I am currently a Student at *** University where I am studying Civil Engineering, and currently hold a 3.5 grade point average. After I graduate in the spring, I plan on attending graduate school, and further my education to get a degree in Structural Engineering. Over the past two Summers I have been employed at the Michigan Department of Transportation, where I have been interning and gaining valuable experience in my field of study. While attending *** High school I was a two time academic all-state runner, and a three time captain of the cross country team along with being the captain of the track team my senior year. Currently, I am the captain of Tri-States cross country team. I am also involved in the American Society of Civil Engineers, where last year I was the secretary of our local chapter at *** University.
Alex was always once of the hardest workers on the team. He was a middle distance runner, while I was a long distance. Almost all middle distance runners trained with the sprinters. Alex was one of two middle distance runners who choose to train with the long distance runners, who ran considerably more than the sprinters. The first time I met Alex was after he beat me in a workout as a freshman. Alex was well liked by everyone. He was the prom king his senior year. He was outgoing and sociable, and on the track he befriended many members of opposing teams, most notably one of our rivals, which made running against them more rewarding.
While Alex was out on bond, I was able to spend quite a bit of time with him. We went to church together every Sunday morning. On Sunday nights we would play euchre at his house, after he got out of Alcoholics Anonymous. Alex insisted on going to AA every night he could, and told me that it was good for him.
After Alex serves his debt to society for the poor choices he made, I have no doubt that he can and will be a productive member of society.
Are there really no errors in this?
It would help if you broke it into clear paragraphs, so that the mass of text was not so daunting to a potential reviewer.
Try out our live chat room.
The Honorable Judge Nettles-Nickerson:

The detrimental actions of Alex Hamil have caused a great amount of distress and have been devastating to everyone involved. No amount of remorse, no matter how heartfelt, can excuse his actions. Despite the poor choices made by Mr. Hamil, I believe his actions to be out character.

I first met Alex when he was a freshman in high school. We were both members of the track team, and on our schools 3200 relay team. Over two years I trained with Alex the members of our relay team grew close, almost inseparable. Before meets we would get dinner together, and the four of us would many times hang out both before and after meets. My senior year, through hard work, dedication, and team work our relay set the school record, and qualified for the state meet, where Alex lead off for us, and lead much of the race. Since graduating I have kept in touch with Alex, and have came back to watch him run on a number of occasions.

I am currently a Student at Tri-State University where I am studying Civil Engineering, and currently hold a 3.5 grade point average. After I graduate in the spring, I plan on attending graduate school, and further my education to get a degree in Structural Engineering. Over the past two Summers I have been employed at the Michigan Department of Transportation, where I have been interning and gaining valuable experience in my field of study. While attending Marshall High school I was a two time academic all-state runner, and a three time captain of the cross country team along with being the captain of the track team my senior year. Currently, I am the captain of Tri-States cross country team. I am also involved in the American Society of Civil Engineers, where last year I was the secretary of our local chapter at Tri-State University.

Alex was always once of the hardest workers on the team. He was a middle distance runner, while I was a long distance. Almost all middle distance runners trained with the sprinters. Alex was one of two middle distance runners who choose to train with the long distance runners, who ran considerably more than the sprinters. The first time I met Alex was after he beat me in a workout as a freshman. Alex was well liked by everyone. He was the prom king his senior year. He was outgoing and sociable, and on the track he befriended many members of opposing teams, most notably one of our rivals, which made running against them more rewarding.

While Alex was out on bond, I was able to spend quite a bit of time with him. We went to church together every Sunday morning. On Sunday nights we would play euchre at his house, after he got out of Alcoholics Anonymous. Alex insisted on going to AA every night he could, and told me that it was good for him.

After Alex serves his debt to society for the poor choices he made, I have no doubt that he can and will be a productive member of society.
A well-written letter. I just made a few cosmetic changes:

The Honorable Judge Nettles-Nickerson:

The detrimental actions of Alex Hamil have caused a great amount of distress and have been devastating to everyone involved. No amount of remorse, no matter how heartfelt, can excuse his actions. Despite the poor choices made by Mr. Hamil, I believe his actions to be out character.

I first met Alex when he was a freshman in high school. We were both members of the track team, and on our school's 3200-yard relay team. For the two years I trained with Alex, the members of our relay team grew close, almost inseparable. Before meets we would have dinner together, and the four of us would often socialize both before and after meets. In my senior year, through hard work, dedication, and teamwork, our relay set the school record, and qualified for the state meet, where Alex led off for us, and led through much of the race. Since graduating I have kept in touch with Alex, and have come back to watch him run on a number of occasions.

I am currently a student at Tri-State University, where I am studying Civil Engineering and hold a 3.5 grade point average. After I graduate in the spring, I plan on attending graduate school, and further my education with a degree in Structural Engineering. Over the past two summers, I have been employed at the Michigan Department of Transportation, where I have been interning and gaining valuable experience in my field of study. While attending Marshall High School, I was a two-time academic All-State runner, and a three-time captain of the cross country team, along with being the captain of the track team my senior year. Currently, I am the captain of our Tri-States cross country team. I am also involved in the American Society of Civil Engineers, where last year I was the secretary of our local chapter at Tri-State University.

Alex was always once of the hardest workers on the team. He was a middle distance runner, while I was a long distance one. Most middle distance runners trained with the sprinters, but Alex was one who chose to train with the long distance runners, which required much more endurance. The first time I met Alex was when he outran me in a workout as a freshman. Alex was well liked by everyone. He was the prom king his senior year. He was outgoing and sociable, and on the track he befriended many members of opposing teams, most notably one of our rivals, which made running against them more rewarding.

While Alex was out on bond, I was able to spend quite a bit of time with him. We went to church together every Sunday morning. On Sunday nights we would play euchre at his house, after he got out of Alcoholics Anonymous. Alex insisted on going to AA every night he could, and told me that it was good for him.

After Alex serves his debt to society for the poor choices he made, I have no doubt that he will return to being a productive member of society.
How should I close the letter? Respectfully submitted? Sincerely is to informal
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Yes, 'respectfully submitted' sounds nice. I also checked salutations just now, and the beginning of the letter should read:

The Honorable Judge Nettles-Nickerson
Judge of the ________ Court

Dear Judge Nettles-Nickerson:

BODY

Respectfully submitted,
I made a few revisions, can you look over this and see what you think, thanks.

The Honorable Judge Nettles-Nickerson
Judge of the 30th Judicial Circuit Court

Dear Judge Nettles-Nickerson:

The detrimental actions of Alex Hamil have caused a great amount of distress and have been devastating to everyone involved. No amount of remorse, no matter how heartfelt, can excuse his actions. Despite the poor choices made by Mr. Hamil, I believe his actions to be out character.

The first time I met Alex was when he outran me in a workout as a freshman. Alex was always one of the hardest workers on the team. He was a middle distance runner, while I was a long distance one. Most middle distance runners trained with the sprinters, but Alex was one who chose to train with the long distance runners, which required much more work. Alex was well liked by everyone. He was the prom king his senior year. He was outgoing and sociable, and on the track he befriended many members of opposing teams, most notably one of our rivals, which made running against them more rewarding.

For the two years I trained with Alex, the members of our 3200 meter relay team grew close, almost inseparable. Before meets we would have dinner together, and the four of us would often socialize both before and after meets. In my senior year, through hard work, dedication, and teamwork, our relay set the school record, and qualified for the state meet. Alex was a key component toward the success of our team. Since graduating, I have kept in touch with Alex and have come back to watch him run on a number of occasions.

I believe the time I spent with Alex, along with my current credentials allow me to accurately judge Alex’s character. I am currently a student at Tri-State University, where I am studying Civil Engineering and hold a 3.5 grade point average. After I graduate in the spring, I plan on attending graduate school, and further my education with a degree in Structural Engineering. Over the past two summers, I have been employed at the Michigan Department of Transportation, where I have been interning and gaining valuable experience in my field of study. While attending Marshall High School, I was a two-time academic All-State runner, and a three-time captain of the cross country team, along with being the captain of the track team my senior year. Currently, I am the captain of our Tri-States cross country team. I am also involved in the American Society of Civil Engineers, where last year I was the secretary of our local chapter at Tri-State University.

While Alex was out on bond, I was able to spend quite a bit of time with him. We went to church together every Sunday morning. On Sunday nights, after he got out of Alcoholics Anonymous, we would play euchre at his house. Alex insisted on going to AA every night he could, and told me that it was good for him.

After Alex serves his debt to society for the poor choices he made, I have no doubt that he will return to being a productive member of society.

Respectfully Submitted,
out of character
component of
credentials, (add the comma)
graduate school and further (delete the comma)
Respectfully submitted, (small 's')

(With all due respect, it seems to me on rereading this that there should be less about your achievements and more about Alex's.)
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