I'm planning to give my IELTS in June. I've started my practice and begun with writing. Would appreciate feedback/evaluation and scores. This will help me understand where I'm at and what should be my next steps. Thanks!

Q: Some governments spend a lot of money on exploring space. Some feel that this investment is justified while others think that money should be spent on public services like healthcare and education. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

The governments play a major role in the focus areas of a country. There are certain governments who prioritize space exploration which is supported by some, while others feel that the investment be better put in public services - namely healthcare and education. We'll be looking at the pros and cons of each of the two, and figure out which approach sounds more sensible.

Major development comes after ground-breaking discoveries, and we humans need it for tackling modern problems. With increasing demands, we need to invent ways to create more resources, or find alternative sources of them. This can be achieived by researching the space and unveiling the existence of our planet, and how the elements for sustaining life got on earth. We can study the creation of precious and rare metals that came on our land as asteroids from the space. Also, we need to find other planets that will let our ecosystem survive.

However, even for the developed nations, there's an immediate need to allocate time and money for basic services. The healthcare systems were tested when a new virus mutated and spread in 2019, and World Health Organization declared this situation as a pandemic. Such problems can cause huge setups to collapse, and put life on earth into danger. Also, the growth of a country is dependent on innovation, and that comes by great minds working together. This is why the hour's need is to improve healthcare and education, which are basic services for the citizens.

While the resources are depleting and we need to go explore out of our atmosphere, there are other problems which need to be addressed by the governments immediately. Providing better services like healthcare and education will result in a postive change, and as a next step, we could then find how our world came into existence and look out for other worlds for the living.

Are you going to sit for IELTS this month? What is your target score?

yup. at least 7

Students: Are you brave enough to let our tutors analyse your pronunciation?

You haven't given yourself much time for practice!

Sp33dykThe Governments

When we talk about something in general, we use the plural (if it's countable).

Sp33dykthe focus areas of a country

That's unnatural, and therefore, its meaning is unclear. You should read more to improve your phrasing skills.

Try reading current news and current affairs websites, and perhaps start by reading articles on this website:

http://learnenglishteens.britishcouncil.org/magazine

Sp33dyksome, while others feel that the investment be better put in public services

Who does "others" refer to? Also, the other underlined part is clumsy. Simplify your sentences and focus on the ideas instead of on writing complicated sentences.

Sp33dykWe'll be looking at the pros and cons of each of the two, and figure out which approach sounds more sensible.

That's informal:

1- Do not use contractions in formal writing.

2- avoid using "pros and cons" in essays.

3- Avoid "we" and "you".

4- Phrasal verbs (such as "figure out") are often informal.

Instead, in the last sentence of the introduction, you should clearly outline your own stance.

Sp33dykMajor development comes after ground-breaking discoveries, and we humans need it for tackling modern problems.

That's a poor topic sentence.

1- It does not define the scope of the paragraph.

2- It is unrelated to the given topic.

A good topic sentence needs to:

1- mention (or relate to) the main topic.

2- say what the particular paragraph will discuss.


In your conclusion:

1- Do not introduce new ideas.

2- Just summarize clearly and concisely the main points/findings from your body paragraphs.

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Take a look at my replies in the following thread to learn about essay structure and avoid common mistakes.

https://www.englishforums.com/English/EssayAgreeDisagreeYoungEnjoyLife-Older/bjnlwx/post.htm