Hello, I would like someone to take a look at this essay - i am applying to Columbia Univ - and would realy need some help.

This is the topic:

What are your short-term and long-term post-MBA goals? How will Columbia Business School help you

achieve these goals? (recommended 1000 word limit)

I would like to know mostly how can i link the background part to the goals part - since both of them are important and connected.

Any other comments are welcomed and needed as well.

Thank you very much for your time and help.

One more thing, i already posted this message on another topic, but i didn't know hot to register than, so i am sorry for cousing any truble- i also don't know how to find that message i wrote than. since it was a reply to a post. Sorry again.

this is the essay

I was born in Romania at a time when the communist dictator Ceausescu was running – and ruining – the country. On 17 of December 1989 the Romanian people have commenced the Revolution. It was one of the bloodiest revolutions that brought the fall of the communism in Europe, with more than 1000 victims. While the fight hasn’t reached my city, we all watched the revolution live on TV. Time after time, the people (mostly students) were gathering in the Bucharest center and then were fired upon by groups loyal to the regime. I was only eight years old than, yet I remember what I’ve seen than like it were yesterday. Although I didn’t know it at the time, those events were bound to have a profound impact on my life in general and on my values system in particular. Freedom, respect for human rights and the continuous fight for one’s believes are values that those that died have thought me.

These values have guided me later in life. While in university, I created a student cell with the stated mission of promoting the democracy in the campus. The institution, although it gets a large share of its budget from the government, has a religious profile – whatever subjects one chooses to study, he is obliged to take courses on religion. Some professors even forbid students from attending their classes if they don’t were religious symbols.

I had to work during the university in order to pay for the studies. Even so, I managed to finish my B.A. in Economy and Logistics with high grades. It was a healthy experience, but I also learned that much has to be done in order to improve my countries economy in order to resolve social issues.

The next step I took was to enroll in the Army. Here my reasonability and values were mostly challenged. I had to take two part time jobs in addition to serving full time in the army (since in Israel is compulsory and paid only symbolically) in order to provide a decent living to my wife, which was a student and could also work only part time. My values were challenged when I had to turn down offers to become an officer in the Army because otherwise I would had to agree to serve in the Palestinian occupied territories – which I refused to do since it was against my conscience and the values of freedom, human rights and democracy in which I believe.

I’ve finished my serving time 8 months ago and started working Very soon I came to realize that I wasn’t satisfied by being a simple wage earner, but I wanted to be the one that leads. I took some practical courses about opening a new business and management and begun planning. With my first business plan I applied for a loan.

While waiting for the commissions’ decision, I enrolled and activated in Iahad-Meretz, the only party in Israel that has as its flag respect for human rights. In parallel I join a group whose goal is to promote understanding between religious and laic citizens.

Since pursuing an MBA was so important for my personal fulfillment, I’ve also taken the GMAT and the TOEFL. I obtained good results and I decided to enroll abroad in the best universities.

At this point I have also been notified that my loan request was approved. I’ve decided not to take this loan, but to pursue the MBA first since it better serves my long-term and short-term goals.

My long-term goal is to promote democracy and social justice in Israel and Romania (since I’m a Romanian and Israeli) by increasing these countries wealth. This way more resources can be allocated to education and social issues. I will achieve this by leading an international company that will be active in these countries, thus improving the economic environment.

The way to reach that position is by working my way to the top in one of the largest international companies. The short-term goals than are to first obtain a position in such a company and then to advance by merit all the way up to the management. Of course, this will also be a learning experience for myself both in management and in international business environment and relations.

It is of utmost importance for me than to pursue not an just a MBA at an unknown university but to do it at one of the best universities in the world. This way I can accuire more knowledge, experience and international perspectives that will give me extra advantages over other candidates.

The conlcusion therefore is that I must pusue the MBA at Columbia University. After gathering as much information as I could – by attending an information session in Tel Aviv, speaking with allumni, reading presentaion materials, reviews and through comparation with other universities - I have decided that Columbia University is the place where I want to study.

There you get the knowledge from poople that have original ideas and, more imporatnt, also apply them in their fields, becoming role models for others. Their work is acclaimed by leading publications and have an impact in the world business environment.

By being a stundent at Columbia I can expect to learn from the experience of business leaders that present case studies from the real world and from teachers that are also consultans of big companies. Moreover, the internships provide the hands on experience one needs in order to learn from the best.

And there is the “New York Advantage”. There are two reasons why it is so important. First, because of the proximity to Wall Street. There the teachers can study business in the real world. The business leaders can take active part in the courses and the students can live the the place that influneces the world economy the most. To all this must be added the recruting opportunities.

The second reason that makes the location extremely important is the interantional perspective. New York is realy the leading international city of the world. This is reflected in Columbia University as well. More than half of the faculty members have lived or worked abroad. Most of the students have lived, worked and studied abroad. There are the Chazen Institute for International Business and the study tours all around the world.

Thank you
You are not really answering their question very fully - I would say that this part is the only paragraph that directly addresses what they are asking.

'My long-term goal is to promote democracy and social justice in Israel and Romania (since I’m a Romanian and Israeli) by increasing these countries wealth. This way more resources can be allocated to education and social issues. I will achieve this by leading an international company that will be active in these countries, thus improving the economic environment.'

Your back ground is relevant to this, but should be made only to back up this point, so move to the reason after stating your goal and keep it much briefer.

You need to talk about your short-term post-MBA goals as well.

Be be organised.

1) Your long term goals

2) Your short term goals

3)Why you have those goals

4) How columbia will hep you achieve these goals

I want to thank you for your feedback. It is very helpfull.