Hi,

I'm currently applying for a small scholarship application which is asking for an autobiographical essay. I just need someone to proofread my work and to tell me if it's alright. English isn't my first language but I try really hard to correct my mistakes. I feel this essay has something missing, if anyone can tell me, I would greatly appreciate this! I have a deadline on April 12, 2007 so feedback would be greatly appreciated! Thanks!

“A Life Worth Living: An Autobiography”

One of the earliest memories I can remember was of a house. I remember it was this big, foreboding house that seemed to loom over people walking by. It was an old house, more than a hundred years old and it has literally survived its fair share of revolutions and coup d’etats. It was the house that I was born in. But the one thing I remember the most of that house, was that it was empty even though it was filled to the brim.

Growing up in the , I learned to value a lot of things. Family was one of them. It’s a Filipino tradition to have the whole family living close together. My entire family lived under one roof, from my grandmother to my little cousins.

My father was a Singaporean businessman, who often times would be out of the country, working and providing for us. My mother was a stay at home mom. She was a strong quiet woman, taking care of me, my sister and any of our relatives in need. She never complained about anything. Not when me or my sister would make a mess or when we would get into one of our meaningless fights about shampoo or something equally useless as that. Not when one of her brothers would ask her for some money or when my grandmother needed more to buy her medicine. I never heard her complain once, not even when my father walked out on us. I was probably around six or seven, I don’t even remember. I was a bright kid; I saw the signs, I didn’t need my mother to say it out loud. He stopped calling; that was all I needed to know he wasn’t coming back.

When he left, we also left that house. I don’t really know the reason why we did but it was probably because that place had too many memories for us. And let’s face it, being under one roof with all your relatives can get a tad overbearing, I especially hated their pitying eyes. So we left and found a house in a quieter town.

Even though I was young then, this whole event changed me. It made me less enthusiastic about life and much more jaded in my beliefs but ultimately, it later taught me that the most important thing one can have is a family. So you could say that family is my strength and my weakness.

I studied in the until my 3rd year of high school. Because my mother always said that a good education was important for us, a decent school was always the private ones. The school that I went to was very expensive and it was always a struggle for my mom to come up with the money. After graduating college, my sister moved to to work and send back money to help with the expenses. Somehow, someway, we were able to make it work.

At school, I got involved in a lot of extracurricular activities. I was mostly involved in music, sports and journalism. Those three were my main passion. I was in the school choir and I also had a brief stint in the school orchestra playing the violin. I became team captain for the Table Tennis and Basketball teams and also an editor for the school paper. I had good grades and I was a fairly diligent student.

When I was 16, my mother got engaged. I fully supported her. She was happy and that was all that mattered. Coming to the was a very big decision for the both of us. Not only did it mean that we were leaving everything familiar behind, it also meant having to stop my schooling to come here because of the strict time slot that we had. My mother was extremely hesitant, as always thinking of me first rather than her self, but to me all that mattered was that it was my turn to give something back and I convinced her that going to America was not a bad choice and looking at it from a different side it would open up much more opportunities for me than I would ever have in the Philippines. So, with my mother convinced, I stopped school halfway through the year, packed our belongings, said our goodbyes, and left.

After getting here and looking to continue my education, I was bounced around different schools but ultimately, I found myself in the High School Continuing Education Program at SCC. It was a good program which allowed me to finish my high school much faster than I would have otherwise. Even though it wasn’t exactly the conventional high school experience, I still was able to enjoy my time spent there. After three months of hard work, 8 classes later and a smile on my face, I finished with top grades.

Right now, I wish to continue on to college because I know that I still have more to give and much to learn. I want my mother and sister to know that their sacrifices for me growing up were worth it. I want to be able to give my younger cousin a better life by providing for his schooling, just like what my sister did for me. I want to be the one to help my family, but also, I want to do it for myself too. Helping other people gives me this different feeling of contentment, which is the reason why I want to be in the medical field. I want to save people and hopefully make a difference.

I am a firm believer of the saying that “a life with a purpose is a life worth living”. I have found my purpose, and now, it’s only a matter of pursuing it. This scholarship will very much help me in and I’ll hopefully be able to transfer to a UC school when I am done there. But most of all, this scholarship will help me take one step closer to my life’s purpose, to help those in need. And with that, I will have lived a worthy life.

Hi London20!

I really liked your autobiographical essay.Your writing is good,but maybe you should check some expressions like:like what my sister did for me,'herself' is just one word,and other expressions.Generally it was good,but what i liked most is the content.Actually my writing is really poor and childish,but i would really like to talk with you.My email is:Email Removed looking forward to chatting with you.Good luck.Bye.
I tried sending you an email but for some reason it didn't go through. Feel free to just email me instead at Email Removed">Email Removed .