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Topic :The charts show the percentage of people working in different sectors in town
A and B in two years 1960 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and
reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.


The pie charts show the distribution of employment in town A and town B in 1960
and 2010. In general, people working in town A mainly chose the manufacturing
sector to worked. While in 1960, there was the highest proportion of employment
who working for the sales sector in town B.
In 1960, 41% of employment in town A had sales-related jobs, meanwhile the
percentage of workers worked in the manufacturing and services sectors had just at
30% each one. In contrast, at 70%, a vast majority of the proportion of sales workers
in town B, which by far higher than the proportion of those working at manufacturing
and services sectors, at 10% and 20% respectively.
In 2010, the percentage of manufacturing workers in town A increased from 29% to
64% while the figure for other sectors decreased to 20%. In town B, 1 in 2 of people
working in the sales sector whereas the proportion of manufacturing and service
workers grew to 25% and 22% respectively.

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Please read my advice for Task 1 essays.

IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice

Vocabulary Words For Task 1: Reference Post



Here is some good advice on structuring a Task 1 essay:

https://www.ieltsessentials.com/prepare/preparation-course/writing/ielts-academic-writing-task-1

An efficient and fast way to organize the report is into three main parts - an opening statement, overview and detail paragraphs:

The opening statement is your first paragraph where you state exactly what is being illustrated or compared in the graph, chart, table, diagram or map. You can use the prompt in combination with the graphic but write this in your own words.

The overview outlines the important and relevant information and trends that are evident in the graphic. Think of the big picture here. This is a general summary of what can be taken away from what you see. .

In the detail paragraphs you logically divide the information so that the trends you identified in the overview can be clearly seen. You must include specifics here (dates, numbers, percentages, measurements, etc.). Try to use logic when you organize these paragraphs.

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Please read the advice and revise your essay accordingly.


The How many? pie charts show the distribution of employment in town A and town B in 1960
and 2010. ( You need to start the next paragraph. But first, tell the reader how many segments there are what their names are.) In general, people working in town A mainly chose (There is nothing about a choice of jobs.) the manufacturing
sector to worked. (ungrammatical) While in 1960, there was the highest proportion of employment (Incorrect. Employment does not work.) who working (ungrammatical) for the sales sector in town B.
In 1960, 41% of employment (Incorrect. Employment does not have a job.) in town A had sales-related jobs, meanwhile the percentage of workers worked (ungrammatical) in the manufacturing and services sectors had just at 30% each one. In contrast, at 70%, a vast majority of the proportion (Majority of the proportion is a sub-category. There are no subcategories on these charts.) of sales workers
in town B, which by far higher than the proportion of those working at manufacturing
and services sectors, at 10% and 20% respectively. (This sentence is not grammatical. There is no main verb.)
In 2010, the percentage of manufacturing workers in town A increased from 29% to
64% while the figure for that of other sectors decreased to 20%. (Incorrect. One decreased to 20%, and the other to 16%) In town B, 1 in 2 of people working in the sales sector (This sentence is not grammatical. There is no main verb.) whereas the proportion of manufacturing and service workers grew to 25% and 22% respectively.



Example:

The four pie charts show the changes in the distribution of employment in two towns over a period of fifty years. One pair is a snapshot of the distribution in Town A in 1960 and 2010, and the other pair is for Town B in the same two years. There are three categories of employment: manufacturing, sales and services.

Note. The paragraph above describes the figure completely.

Here is an example for the "overall" paragraph. In this paragraph, write about the most obvious features.

Over this period, Town A changed from having a relatively even distribution of workers across the three categories to a town focused on manufacturing. In 2010, nearly two-thirds of its employment was in this sector. But Town B, in contrast, reduced its concentration of workers in the sales category from 70% to 53%. Although this sector still had a majority of the workers, Town B's employment was more diversified than in 1960.

Thank you very much for your help. My writing is still poor. I have learnt all the mistakes you showed me. I will try my best not to repeat the same mistakes next time.
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