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So, as of late I have been prearing to take an IELTS test and today I tried doing one of the "Academic Writing" sample tasks. I do not know how to attach a PDF file on this site, so here is the link:
https://www.ielts.org/about-the-test/sample-test-questions

The task I did is the very first one in the list. I hope someone on this forum could find the time to give me some suggestions on how I could improve my graph description skills. I already did post this text on the forum once, but I did not get a reply, so I hope there will be one this time around. Thanks to anyone in advance!

Graph Description

The chart below describes the number of men and wemen in further education in Britain in three periods and wheter they were studying full-time or part time. Both charts represent three different time frames. The first being nineteen seventy to seventy one, the second represents the year nineteen eighty to eighty one and the last one describes the first year of the last decade of the twentieth century.
The most obvious conclusion we can come to is that the number of male students in further education who study only part-time has decreased somewhat from aproximately one million to about nine hundred thousand, while the number of male students, who dedicate all their time to sudying has almost tripled from around one hundred thousand to almost three hundred thousand students. Overall the number of male students has not really changed during this time span.
The second graph on the other hand shows undoubtable increase in the number of female students both in full-time as well as in part-time education. The number of females in part-time education over the three decades has grown by almost four hundred thousand students from aproximately seven hundred thousand to one point one million students. At the same time the ammount females studying full-time has more than quadrupled and increased from less than fifty thousand to more than three hundred thousand.
These charts explain the overall trend in our modern society, where females were being gradually granted more and more freedom in their choise of education and future career. And development such as these are the reason, why we must consider ourselves lucky to be living in a day and age, where every person is treated equally.
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Please don't post the same thing more than once. Be patient and wait for an answer.

https://www.EnglishForward.com/English/HelpLearningWriteGraph-Descriptions/bknzvp/post.htm