plaese help in writing this letter of motivation, is there any need to mention some personal information like hobbies, non professional facts ...etc

thanks in advanced for your help.

I am writing to you to apply for the Master’s Degree in Management of Information Systems.

During the 5 years of my undergraduate education; I studied electrical engineering with specialization in Computer engineering. The emphasis of my studies was understanding the fundamentals of computer engineering that govern modern technologies. And I also learned about other diverse topics such as communications, programming, and digital electronics.

During the 7 years of my professional life in the field of information technology as systems and networking engineer, I found that the management of the information systems and projects is the missed link, here in the part of world.

To further my career aspirations of becoming part of a senior management team, I want to obtain a Master's Degree in Engineering and Management of Information Systems. Having this knowledge will allow me to better understand management principles, and contribute in the transfer of knowledge and the modern management theories to my country. With all the uncertainty and changes in the world, political, economic, and technological, I believe that management must have a solid understanding, supported by a strong academic foundation, of how to guide companies through these challenging times.
I don't know if you need to mention some of your hobbies, etc. But here are some very small corrections to your draft:

I would like to apply for the Master’s Degree in Management of Information Systems.

During the 5 years of my undergraduate education I studied electrical engineering with specialization in Computer engineering. The emphasis of my studies was understanding the fundamentals of computer engineering that govern modern technologies. I also learned about other diverse topics such as communications, programming, and digital electronics.

During the 7 years of my professional life in the field of information technology as a systems and networking engineer, I have found that management of information systems and projects is the missing link, here in this part of the world.

To further my career aspirations of becoming part of a senior management team, I want to obtain a Master's Degree in Engineering and Management of Information Systems. Having this knowledge will allow me to better understand management principles, and contribute in the transfer of knowledge and modern management theories to my country. With all the uncertainty and changes in the world, political, economic, and technological, I believe that management must have a solid understanding, supported by a strong academic foundation, of how to guide companies through these challenging times.
Thanks a lot

You are the first one who replies to my post, so I appreciate this very much, thanks a gain.

And I hope the others will participate
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Please Help, your comments and advices will be highly appreciated
Any comments !!!!
What is wrong with my Post 112 viewers and only 1 reply?

I am asking, could anybody help me and comment on my motivation letter Please!
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Your letter's ok. Anon already helped you tidy up the few errors.
Nona The BritYour letter's ok. Anon already helped you tidy up the few errors.
Thanks NONA is there any need to mention some personal information and other deatils like hobbies, non professional facts ...etc
You could briefly mention those if they help you sound like a good applicant. For example if you can use them to demonstrate your leadership qualities, determination etc etc.

It would also be a good idea to mention your future career goals and how this qualification would help you achieve them.
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