+0
This is a part of my essay, hope some one can help and correct

Thanks in advance

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The third idea for women’s rights is to make her privilege to lead a big business (Company or Industry). Some of business companies prefer to hire a man not a woman even if they are both have the same experience and knowledge. The reason of that some people think that the woman is less confidence and independent than man and she might have more mistakes than the man does. That opinion start to be changed when they noticed many successful samples of business women who lead her own business and succeed. So the only thing that woman needs is to give her a chance to find herself in a proper place.
Comments  
first of all, i'd like to tell you that i am a chinese, i just want make some foreign friends here.

i read your short essay, because of different culture, i can't give you any corrections, but i could give you some chinese tips.

i don't think women are not confidence and independent, some of them have both of the characteristcs. but in chinese traditonal concept, some people always think that men always more power than wemen. maybe because of in chinese history, every king was men.

my MSN (removed by mod), i hope we can make friends.
Hi Allen, Thank you for your comments

I think u missunderstood me. My essay is about Women's rights and I try to say that some countries don't respect the woman, that for some reasons and my previous paragraph was the third reason that I think why they do not respect the woman. So my paragraph is to correct the openion of the women ability : )

I'm a girl and I belive in WOMAN ABILITY
Students: We have free audio pronunciation exercises.
the woman is less confidence and independent
Is it right to use less confidence or it should be less confident?
I'm just wandering since i'm not good in englishEmotion: sad
Hello, Nana. I am not a teacher but would like to help you. What I see from that part of your essay is that you still make some obvious mistakes.

The third idea for women’s rights is to make her privilege to lead a big business (Company or Industry). Some of the business companies prefer to hire a man not a woman even if they both have the same experience and knowledge [You don`t need to put are, if you do, you`ll need an adjective after it which doesn`t quite suit the rest of the clause]. The reason about that is some people think that women are less confident and independent and might make more mistakes than men are likely to. [ When generalizing, you don`t have to put the in front ot woman, it`s all the same for women as a whole, so just use the plural. Moreover confidence is a noun, you clearly need an adjective to compare, so you should use confident. ] That opinion started to change when they noticed how many examples of successful business women who lead their own business there are. [ You need to check the formation of the Passive Voice. I also don`t think sample is the appropriate word to use here, it`s used rather for a product or an object but when it comes to women, they are living things, so example is better. Successful and succeed both reffer to success, so you don`t need to repeat yourself. I`ve also slightly changed the construction of the sentence to emphasize the effect of your statement.] So the only thing that a woman needs is to be given her a chance to find herself at the proper place. [ Again passive and you say proper which needs a the in front.]

This is my suggestion for correcting your mistakes. I might not be right about some things either, but I`m a learner, not a teacher. I`ll be glad to hear from anyone objecting to my opinion, so that I can learn from my mistakes, too.