Dear Madam/Sir:


I'm writing in response to your advertisement for the PhD position in your university. I'm currently a second-year a MSc student majoring in computer networks(Telematic) at the xx University, and will complete my degree in September this year. I respectfully submit my candidature for the PhD position, for I believe I'm interested in academic research and can have a good performance in the PhD studies duration with my good academic knowledge and skills.

In 200x,I did very well in the national college entrance examination with a top 0.5% ranking in my province, and was admitted to the faculty of xx in xx University, a top-10 university in China with strengths in science and engineering disciplines. Then,due to my good academic performance with a top x% ranking in my department, I was recommended by the faculty to follow the international MSc program in xx university with full scholarship and tuition fee waver. During the MSc program, I have chance to obtain solid networking knowledge, practise related research skills and expand my exposure to recent advances on networking and related field. Especially, to the requirements in your PhD position advertisement, I have obtained a good knowledge in xx theory, xx theory and programming skills through courses in the MSc program.

Currently, I'm doing the thesis "xx" under supervision of Prof.xx and Prof.xxx from x group. The thesis is within the xx project a large international project founded by the European Community.My task is:
- Propose some scheduling schemes for xx
- Understand and modify the source codes of the discrete event simulator "xx" to implsement the scheduling schemes.
- Evaluate performance through processing the simulation result data. The evaluation is not confined to QoS. QoE(quality of experience) metrics, such
as PSNR of the received video on each peer, are also to be considered. So, some basic knowledge and analysis tools of video coding are involved.

I believe that a PhD. study in your research group will be a very good choice and a major step towards my academic pursuits, ambitions. I would be most grateful if I am given the opportunity for the position.

hi, is there anyone who can help me review my motivation letter and give some modification suggestion ?
Thank you very much!

Hi,


To be truthful with you, it's possible that no-one replied because your original post did not say 'please'.

It's also rather long.


Please read carefully, as I have made some edits as well as comments.


Overall, I feel that you should focus much more on the stated requirements.

(You want X ... I've got it. You want Y .... I've got it)


Do you think you should discuss your long-term goals more?


Do you think you should discuss your intellectual interest in the proposed field of study more?


Best wishes, Clive



Dear Madam/Sir:

I am writing in response to your advertisement for the PhD position in your university. I am currently a second-year MSc student majoring in computer networks(Telematic) at Xxx University, and will complete my degree in September this year. I respectfully submit my candidature for the PhD position,

for I believe I'm interested very weak statement

in academic research and can have a good performance in the PhD studies duration with my good academic knowledge and skills. all much too vague and wishy-washy

In 200x, I did very well in the national college entrance examination with a top 0.5% ranking in my province, and was admitted to the faculty of xx in xx University, a top-10 university in China with strengths in science and engineering disciplines. Then,due to my good academic performance with a top x% ranking in my department, I was recommended by the faculty to follow the international MSc program in xx university with full scholarship and tuition fee waver. Is all this highly relative to why you should be accepted for the PhD program? It just seems like background to me


During the MSc program, I have chance to obtain solid networking knowledge, practise related research skills and expand my exposure to recent advances on networking and related field. Especially, With regard to the requirements in your PhD position advertisement, I have obtained a good knowledge in xx theory, xx theory and programming skills through courses in my MSc program.

Currently, I am writing my thesis on "xx" under the supervision of Prof.xx and Prof.xxx from x group. The thesis is within (what does it mean to say that a thesis is within a project?)

the xx project), a large international project founded by the European Community. My task is:
- to propose some scheduling schemes for xx
- to understand and modify the source code of the discrete event simulator "xx" to implsement spelling error the scheduling schemes.
- to evaluate performance through processing the simulation results data. The evaluation is not confined to QoS. QoE(quality of experience) metrics, such as PSNR of the received video on each peer, are also to be considered. So, some basic only basic? knowledge and analysis tools of video coding are involved.

I believe that a PhD. position study in your research group is will be a very good choice and a major step towards my long-term academic pursuits and ambitions. I would be most grateful if I am given the opportunity for the position.


Students: Are you brave enough to let our tutors analyse your pronunciation?
I'm sorry for not saying 'please' , Thank you very much for your response and help!
Hi,
You're welcome.

Please post a revised version for further review if you wish to.

Clive