hey guys!!
i'm just working on applications for universities and i'm starting to feel desperate with all those motivation letters and stuff...
i hope one of you can help me with this one and tell me if i made too many mistakes. Emotion: wink
thanks a lot!!!

Honestly, I still did not know exactly what I wanted to study, when I was almost done with school. On one hand I was interested in the regular German program of Business Studies (BWL) but on the other hand this idea also did not convince me a hundred percent.

For that reason I decided to go abroad to gain some international experiences and to develop my personality. That way, I realized how important it is for me, to learn about other cultures, their countries and to be able to communicate, without difficulties, in other languages. As a part of the Aupair-Program where you live and work in an American family environment, you also get to meet and make friends with people from other contries all over the world. I can proudly admit, that those 13 months in the US did not only help me to improve my English language skills a lot, but rather to broaden my horizon in so many ways and to build up my personality and self-confidence.

During this time I also did a lot of research concerning the different study courses and I was immediately convinced by the program “International Business”, that combines Business Studies with an international aspect.

For the fact that being able to speak more than one foreign language fluently is one of my long-lasting aims, I organized a stay abroad in Spain for a total of more than 3 months. In this time I also attended an intensive course in a Spanish Academy and managed to finish this course with 92% in a B1+-level-test. To learn even more about the language, the culture and country I will be going to Spain again in the end of May 2008, for a period of at least 5 weeks.

I want to study International Business because I do not want to limit my studies to the German economic area but to prepare myself for the international market, to learn and understand economics but to also become a part of it. The chance to study in classes only up to 50 people where the course instructions are a 100% in English, is a big motivation for me and I am looking forward to give proof of my ambition, willingness to perform, learning aptitude and team spirit.
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I have stricken out some inappropriate material and underlined other problem areas. You have trouble with commas:

Honestly, I still did not know exactly what I wanted to study, when I was almost done with [high?] school. On one hand I was interested in the regular German program of Business Studies (BWL) but on the other hand this idea also did not convince me a hundred percent.

For that reason I decided to go abroad to gain some international experiences and to develop my personality. That way, I realized how important it is for me, to learn about other cultures, their countries and to be able to communicate, without difficulties, in other languages. As a part of the Aupair-Program where you live and work in an American family environment, you also get to meet and make friends with people from other contries all over the world. I can proudly admit, that those 13 months in the US did not only help me to improve my English language skills a lot, but rather to broaden my horizon in so many ways and to build up my personality and self-confidence.

During this time I also did a lot of research concerning the different study courses and I was immediately convinced by the program “International Business”, that combines Business Studies with an international aspect.

For the fact that being able to speak more than one foreign language fluently is one of my long-lasting aims, I organized a stay abroad in Spain for a total of more than 3 months. In this time I also attended an intensive course in a Spanish Academy and managed to finish this course with 92% in a B1+-level-test. To learn even more about the language, the culture and country I will be going to Spain again in the end of May 2008, for a period of at least 5 weeks.
I want to study International Business because I do not want to limit my studies to the German economic area but to prepare myself for the international market, to learn and understand economics but to also become a part of it. The chance to study in classes only up to 50 people where the course instructions are a 100% in English, is a big motivation for me and I am looking forward to give proof of my ambition, willingness to perform, learning aptitude and team spirit.
thanks a lot!!!
i just didn't know sometimes how to correct the things you underlined o.O anyway, i tried to fix it a little bit at least!
Emotion: smile