+0

Dear all,

as many others I am currently in the application process for a master degree in a UK university. Most of them require a personal statement, while the standards reagrding length / allowed letters vary from program to program...

Of course I will change the Statement for each program, but I want to have a strong basis where I (ideally) only have to change the fifth paragraph, where I focus on the program itself... Here I think I can vary the most regarding the different length recommendations (for example, for Leeds I am not allowed to write more than 4000 letters, while Glasgow only says "one to two pages"...)


This is now already the seventh or eight draft I have after reading many examples here on the page, but I am not sure if I am heading in the right direction... So maybe you can help me to further improve my letter.

Many thanks already in advance!

-------------------------


Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to apply for the Master “International Business” for the 2020 autumn term. While already working since one and a half year at Siemens AG in Nuremberg, Germany, this program will be the next step to hold a management position within Siemens or another international company. Having reviewed several graduate programs, I am confident that the University of Leeds has an excellent business program that best meets my career goals.

I graduated in autumn 2018 at the “Cooperative State University Baden-Wurttemberg Karlsruhe” with the Bachelor of Arts in “Business Administration – Management in Industry”. In this university, getting work experience is already integrated. I was employed by the Siemens AG, where I spent the time between the theory semesters in different departments such as logistics, accounting and product controlling. Here I learned to quickly become acquainted with different topics and working with diverse teams.

It also provided me the opportunity to gain international work experience. I worked three months in Bangkok, Thailand in the sales department. Being for the first time in Asia, not only was the culture and language a challenge. During my time there I had to write a paper about the optimization of the Profit Center structure at Siemens. I needed to find a balance between my work there, writing my paper, research for the theoretical chapters, schedule meetings with my tutor and discussing the results with my Siemens department. In the end it was worth it, because the paper was graded with a 1.5. This experience, together with three months I spent in Madrid to learn Spanish after finishing school, set the stone for my ambition to work internationally in the future. For my master degree I want to enhance these international experience with studying in the United Kingdom to further improve my English skills and get to know the working environment there.

Immediately after my degree I started working at Siemens in the procurement controlling of the “Digital Industries” division. I am not only responsible for the controlling of several German factories, I am also key contact for our international locations in China, India, Czech Republic or Mexico. I work daily with our management, performance controlling, IT or development departments. At the moment I focus on several projects with crossfunctional teams to further digitalize our reporting, for example RPA solutions.

Before moving to the next position, I want to enhance my future possibilities with focus on finance and corporate strategy topics. I am already working in a challenging, international, digitalized procurement environment. With these experiences I can contribute practical insights to the different lectures, case studies or group projects. Now I want to discuss these experiences with others, get new perspectives, while also extend my theoretical background and improve my analytical and problem solving skills.

While my career is vitally important for me, so are my extracurricular activities. At the age of six I started competing in mountainbike races. I reached my goals with competing successfully in German championships and being part of the Baden-Wurttemberg squad in 2013 and 2014. During the years I learned to overcome injuries, handle busy schedules and give one hundred percent both in sports and school. These experiences help me now to cope with a fast-changing and chaotic working environment. After my active competition time, which I ended in favor of going abroad and focus on my studies, I started training the kids in our club. Mountainbiking is an individual sport, but I always enjoyed training in a group with others, to achieve goals together and develop friendships with my competitors. This helps me now to work with people from different departments, where opinions are often contrary. Other outdoor activities I do are alpine skiing, riding horses and running. Besides, I enjoy reading, music and theatre.

Thank you for your consideration. I look forward to your positive response.

Sincerely,

+0

Dear all,

As with many others, I am currently in the application process of applying for a master’s degree in a UK university. Most of them require a personal statement, while the standards reagrding length/word count allowed letters varies from program to program.

Of course I will change the statement for each program, but I want to have a strong basis where I (ideally) only have to change the fifth paragraph, where I focus on the program itself. Here I think I can vary the most regarding the different length recommendations (for example, for Leeds I am not allowed to write more than 4000 letters, while Glasgow only says "one to two pages").

This is now already the seventh or eighth draft I have after reading many examples here on the page, site, but I am not sure if I am heading in the right direction, so maybe you can help me to further improve my letter.

Many thanks already in advance!

-------------------------

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to apply for the Master of International Business program for the 2020 autumn term.

While already I have been working since one and a half year at Siemens AG in Nuremberg, Germany for the past one and a half years, and this program will be the next step for me to hold a management position within Siemens or another international company. Having reviewed several graduate programs, I am confident that the University of Leeds has an excellent business program that best meets my career goals.

I graduated in autumn 2018 at from the Cooperative State University Baden-Wurttemberg Karlsruhe with the a Bachelor of Arts in Business Administration – Management in Industry. In this that university, getting work experience is an integral part of degree programs. already integrated. I was employed by the Siemens AG, where I spent the time between the theory semesters in different departments such as logistics, accounting and product control. ling. Here There, I learned to quickly become acquainted with different topics fields and working with diverse teams.

It Siemens also provided me the opportunity to gain international work experience. I worked for three months in Bangkok, Thailand in their sales department. Being for the That was my first time in Asia, not only was and I found adapting to the culture and language a challenge. During my time there, I had to write a paper about the optimization of the Profit Center structure at Siemens. I needed to find a balance between my work there, writing my paper, research for the theoretical chapters, and schedule meetings with my tutor and discussing as well as discuss the results with my Siemens department. In the end, it was worth it because the paper was earned a grade of 1.5. d with a 1.5. This experience, together with the three months I spent in Madrid to learn Spanish after finishing school, set the stone for established the foundation for my ambition to work internationally in the future. For my master’s degree, I want aim to enhance complement these international experience with by studying in the United Kingdom to further improve my English language skills and get to know the working environment there.

Immediately after my degree, I started working at Siemens in the procurement control ling of at their Digital Industries division. I am not only responsible for the control ling of several German factories, I am also the key contact for our international locations in China, India, the Czech Republic or and Mexico. I work liaise daily with our management, performance control, ling, IT or development and R&D departments. At the moment, I am focused on several projects with cross-functional teams to further digitalize our reporting, for example using RPA solutions.

[ *] Before moving to the next position, I want to enhance my future possibilities with focus on finance and corporate strategy topics. I am already working in a challenging, international, digitalized procurement environment. With these my experience, I can contribute practical insights to the different lectures, case studies or group projects. Now I am keen to want to discuss these experiences with others, get new perspectives, while also extending my theoretical background and improving my analytical and problem-solving skills.

[ *] While my career is vitally all-important for me, so are my extracurricular activities. At the age of six, I started competing in mountainbike races. I reached my goals with by competing successfully in German championships and being part of the Baden-Wurttemberg squad in 2013 and 2014. During the years, I have learned to overcome injuries, handle busy schedules and give one hundred percent both in sports and school. These experiences help me now to cope with a fast-changing and chaotic working environment. After my active competition time, which I ended in favor of going abroad and focusing on my studies, I started training the kids in our club. Mountainbiking is an individual sport, but I have always enjoyed training in a group with others to achieve goals together and develop friendships with my competitors. This helps me now to work with people from different departments, where opinions are often contrary. Other outdoor activities I do are alpine skiing, riding horses and running. Besides, I enjoy reading, music and going to the theatre.

Thank you for your consideration, and I look forward to your positive response.

Yours faithfully, Sincerely,

Boris Schmidt

-----------------------------------------

[ *]: I suggest you switch the positions of those two paragraphs around.

Comments  
Students: Are you brave enough to let our tutors analyse your pronunciation?

Hello teechr, thank you for your feedback to my text Emotion: smile

I already changed my letter based on your corrections, but I am most interested in your general impression about my text. Do you think I have any chances with my text? Is it useful for my application to describe my time in Bangkok or my sports ecperience in such details, or is it "too much information"? Honestly I am really unsure at the moment if I can further improve my letter, or if it is already ok to be "sent away"...

Hello teechr, thank you for your reply and the corrections Emotion: smile

I already correted my text, but I am mostly interested in the general impression you get from my text... Or better - will I have any changes with this text? i was unsure if I should describe my time in Thailand or my sports in such detail, but on the other side I wanted to show how I handle difficult situations and how I benefited from sports...

So besides the grammar / vocabulary corrections, do you think I could further improve some sections? Or is it already as "strong" as it can be?

Again, thank in advance.

The only thing I can suggest is if you can add some specific achievements (projects, certification, awards). Also, you can try to outline why the program you're applying for fits your expectations and vice versa.

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