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These sentences are part of my essay, I need grammar suggestions please;)

1) I had the chance to gain some knowledge about physicians working conditions when my sister was hospitalized in a Peruvian Hospital for three years.

2)It had also demonstrated to me why the health care system is the best in the world.

3)There are so many different kinds of careers in the medical field that interest me

4)Second, physician education and training are the most demanding of any other occupation.

5)The best way for people to find the right career is to understand their own personality and see what careers they like most.

6)The best way for people to find the right career is to understand their own personality and choose careers that match their interest.
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Notice mostly that I removed unnecessary verbiage:

1) I had the chance to gain some knowledge about physicians' working conditions when my sister was hospitalized in Peru for three years.

2) It also demonstrated to me why our (?-- or the appropriate pronoun) health care system is the best in the world.

3) There are many different careers in the medical field that interest me.

4) Second, medical education and training are the most demanding of any profession.

5) The best way to find the right career is to understand one's personality and discover which career one likes most. (THIS SEEMS TOO MUCH A TRUISM, PILITA)

6)The best way to find the right career is to understand one's personality and choose a career to match one's interests.
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Thank you for your help