I am trying this new..I am a 26 year old returning to college for the first time since I graduated..so bear with me I am just trying to get some help to refresh my skills so that I don't flunk English 101 for my children's sake...

thanks

In the last few years, Alabama has fallen in a state of crisis. The government system will declare a huge deficit on October 1st of 2003. Politicians have caused this mess, yet they decided that the taxpayers should fix it. Although Governor Bob Riley's 1.2 billion dollar tax increase sounds good to some people, Alabama tax payers, that plan to vote yes on September 9th, are foolish to think that this would fix the state's problems and not cause troubles in their own households.
The tax law changes the Governor put together for a state vote will be catastrophic to many hardworking individuals. It will put a strain on working class families that already live on a shoestring budget. He is planning to cut out, altogether, deductions on federal, Social Security, and Medicare taxes just to start with and the turn around and raise property taxes; thus, raising mortgage payments for all Alabama residents. All the while, knowing that doing all of this will eat up all the tax breaks that the federal government has just implemented for Americans. Eventually, taxes will be put on everything from vending machines to motor oil. Where would the taxation eventually stop?
The proposed tax increase will inevitably cause more chaos on the state's already staggering budget disaster. Families at the bottom of the middle class will drop into even lower income situations, which would in turn make them in a position to have to ask the state of Alabama for help. The politicians also plan to change the number of school days from 175 to 180; meaning more money will be needed to be able to run all the school systems for 5 more days a year. Also, contained in the tax agenda is an increase of taxes on companies and businesses; which will ensure that they will leave the state causing the unemployment rates to soar, and more people needing help from tax dollars that did not need it before. How would that help the situation at hand?
Politicians are the cause of the massive deficit with their over spending and carelessness of our hard earned dollars. How would giving them more money to squander improve our state's predicament? In 2002 alone, the state school system threw away over 807 million dollars on non-educational services according to the C.S.E. (Citizens for a Sound Economy). They are saying our school systems are in jeopardy; then why wasn't that money used for more necessary things such as books, desks, computers, etc. Over the last nine years, government spending for growth has increased by 39% and now they want Alabamians to puck up the bill for their remodeling jobs. They are not even going to mark this new money they are sasking for with anywhere specific to go towards. The politicians will decide where it will go and for what purpose as they see fit.
The real problems that exist in the system will not even be addressed. Some of these problems would be the certain state funded programs that people abuse and take advantage of everyday. Programs like Medicaid, Food Stamps, and Welfare are used inappropriately and frivolously. These tax dollars, that you and I earned, are being given to people that do not even try to make a living. For example, teens and young mothers are getting medical expenses and food expenses paid for while they carry and have children that they cannot even possibly afford to even raise. All of this without ever having to pay one cent of it back to the people that gave them the money. They view these programs as the lottery. Their winning ticket is to have as many children as they can so they can continue to draw more money from the state; while individuals that struggle to get by and work tirelessly get nothing for the family's needs or efforts. No one minds helping a neighbor in a time of need, but people do not like to be taken advantage of or mistreated. Other unnecessary programs and dollars misspent are the Junior Miss Pageants that get $54,340 just so some little girl can be crowned the most beautiful; and then the taxpayers pay $323,613 for the governor's mansion so that he can have a nicer home to live in, unlike some residents of this state. These dollars are being wasted for no purpose. Do you not think better use could have come of this money?
Bottom line, as long as Montgomery thinks it is fine to spend our tax money that we entrust to them for anything they get the whim to do with it, Alabama will be stuck in a financial crisis and burden that we cannot begin to carry. In other words, there would be no greater purpose served in giving the politicians another 1.2 billion dollars to throw to the wind. In turn, think about all these things that have been presented to you and when you go to the polls on September 9th, vote no to the corruption of your money.

Thanks for reading this and any help with grammar or content is very appreciated...since I am way out of practice...
1 2
I have some suggestions:

1. You might want to restructure your paper. First, explain carefully what is the current problem Alabama is facing? Is it Alabama as a whole or just Montgomery are you talking about? You shifted from Alabama to Montgomery. If you want to focus on Montgomery, then state that in your thesis. Then, discuss how the politicians are the major cause of the budget deficit and how the citizens of Alabama are the one paying for it. Also, avoid fallacious or equivocal exemplifications. You talked about young mothers and their propensity towards bringing more children to get money from the government. Is this really true? If not, someone who is knowledgeable about the matter will make these fallacious statements a hard hit against you.
2. Modularize your paper clearly.
3. Do not ask questions you don't answer in your paper, unless it is an effective rhetorical question.
4. Introduction is not really engaging. I live in California and you tell me that Alabama is in a state of crisis. I would be like, "Yeah and so? California is in the same condition. I feel ya but tha's all."
5. Avoid using subjective pronouns: I, me, we, us. When you write something, they are YOUR ideas that you believe in. There is no use of saying I think because you wouldn't write it anyway if you did not believe in it.
6. In the beginning, what are they voting on? Bill (impossible), proposition? Tell the readers.

You deliver your points across, but you need to restructure it.
I assume this is your thesis:

Although Governor Bob Riley's 1.2 billion dollar tax increase sounds good to some people, Alabama tax payers, that plan to vote yes on September 9th, are foolish to think that this would fix the state's problems and not cause troubles in their own households.

Your thesis has a passive effect rather than active.

I would suggest:

Some Alabama citizens confidently believe that Governor Bob Riley's $1.2 billion tax increase would fix the state's financial problems. However, the Governor's proposal would worsen the state's budget problems that would induce more financial suffering to the citizens.

Be careful in your word choices throughout your essay. It is of your best interest to use academic words, not necessarily bombastic writing. The tone of your paper sounds conversationalist, and essays seldom sound that way.
Students: We have free audio pronunciation exercises.
At the end of your essay, you tried to formulate a conclusion, but it is somewhat vague and underdeveloped. Remember, your conclusion IS the LAST thing your readers will read so you should give them an impression of your essay in their minds.

In conclusions:
- You can restate your thesis in a totally different words (boring).
- You can add up your stated ideas.
- You can propose a solution.
- You can call for further action.
- You canNOT introduce new ideas, even if they connect (somewhat loosely). For example, you talked about the budget deficit in Alabama and you started connecting that to another budget deficit in another state (valid). However, if you end your conclusion with, "California's Governor Gray Davis is responsible for the state deficit due to his allowing of illegal aliens in the state," then you've just opened a new can of worms.

If you want it to be interesting, you can hit it with a quote that reflects and is already establshed clearly throughout your essay that it no longer needs clarification. You can also introduce a quote that you can explore in your conclusion--be sure that your exploration connects though.

Tha's all I have to say. I hope I helped you a bit.
Well said Jacko
Thanks for your help I am going to try to do it over and see what I can accomplish...hopefully I can get it together in some understandable way...I will give it a try and then post it back...see what you think..remember I am a beginner all over again..so bear with me...been almost nine years since I looked at an English book...I don't necessarily need that to change diapers..lol

Thanks again,
Angelia
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Btw I hope Jacko you do not mind if I use the theisis statement you put together...It will help me with a place to start over...

Thanks,
Angelia
You're very much welcome, and I wouldn't mind your using the suggested thesis statement at all.
The year 2003 will be a year to remember for most residents of Alabama. On September 9th, the Governor of this state will put forth a $1.2 billion tax increase proposal to the public for a vote to decide yeah or nay on changing the state's tax system for the future. This is by far the largest tax increase ever asked for in the entire state's history. The governement system has declared that in October it will have accumulated a $675 million deficit. Politicians have caused this mess, yet they decided that the taxpayers should fix it. Some Alabama citizens confidently believe that Governor Bob Riley's $1.2 billion tax increase would fix the state's financial problems. However, the Governor's proposal would worsen the state's budget problems and induce more financial suffering to the citizens.
Politicians in the state of Alabama have never taken heed and been frugal with the budget; thus, this massive deficit has developed from the over spending and carelessness of hard earned dollars. Most likely, giving the state government more just gives the politicians more ability to squander more money; as a result, not improving our state's predicament at all. In 2002 alone, the state school system threw away over $807 million dollars on non-educational services according to the C.S.E. (Citizens for a Sound Economy). The Governor is saying our school systems are in jeopardy; then why wasn't that money used for more necessary things such as books, desks, computers, etc. to benefit the children. Over the last nine years, government spending for growth has increased by 39% and now they want Alabamians to pick up the bill for their remodeling jobs. This extra tax money that is being asked for is not even going to be marked with any specific place to go towards. The politicians will decide where it will go and for what purpose as they see fit.
The proposed tax increase will inevitably cause more chaos on the state's already staggering budget disaster. Families at the bottom of the middle class will drop into even lower income situations, which would in turn make them in a position to have to ask the state of Alabama for help. The politicians also plan to change the number of school days from 175 to 180; meaning more money will be needed to be able to run all the school systems for 5 more days a year. Also, contained in the tax agenda is a planned increase of taxes on companies and businesses; which will ensure that they will leave the state causing the unemployment rates to soar, and more people needing help from tax dollars that did not need it before. None of these situations would benefit the state or the residents.
The tax law changes put together by the Governor will be insufferable to many hardworking individuals. It will put a strain on working class families that already live on a shoestring budget. He has called for a complete cut of deductions on federal, Social Security, and Medicare taxes just to start with and then plans to raise the average tax rate of 5 percent to 6 percent on income taxes. Then he wants to raise property taxes; thus, raising mortgage payments for all Alabama residents. All the while, knowing that doing all of this will eat up every tax break that the federal government has just implemented for Americans. Eventually, taxes will be put on everything form vending machines to motor oil. In light of all this, a person would begin to wander where the endless taxing would stop.
The real problems that exist in the system will not even be addressed. Some of these problems would be the certain state funded programs that people exploit and misuse everyday. Programs like Medicaid, Food Stamps, and Welfare are utilized inappropriately and frivolously. These hard earned tax dollars are being given to people that do not attempt to make a living or better the circumstances they live under. All of this without ever having to pay one cent of it back to the people that gave them the money; meantime, causing a large void in accessible money. These programs are not offered to the families that work tirelessly and get nothing for their family's needs or for effort. No one minds helping a neighbor in a time of crisis, but people do not like to be taken advantage of or mistreated. Other examples of the superfluous programs and dollars misspent are the Junior Miss Pageants that get $54,340 just so some little girl can be crowned the most beautiful; and then the taxpayers pay $323,613 for the Governor's mansion so that he can have an elaborate home to live in, unlike some residents of this state. These dollars are being wasted for no seemingly necessary function: better uses could come of this money.
Bottom line, as long as Alabama politicians think it is acceptable to spend tax money entrusted to them for unsubstantiated costs and projects, Alabama residents will be stuck in a financial crisis and burden that the people cannot begin to carry. In other words, there would be no greater purpose served in handing over another 1.2 billion dollars that will be thrown to the wind. Logically, Alabama needs to cut back spending on programs and projects that do not profit the state of Alabama as a whole. Perhaps, even electing new officials that believe in getting the state government turned around and back on the right path to a better future of the state and for the families of Alabama. In turn, think about all these points that have been presented and take measures to ensure the lively hood of people that reside in this great state. The proper response to take when going to the polls on Septemeber 9th is to vote no to the corruption of money and lives in Alabama.

Okay there it is..I hope it is at least an improvement since that is like my 5th draft..lol so any errors in content and Grammar would be most appreciated if brought to my attention...

Thanks,
Angelia
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