Addiction

The sound of prison bars slammed shut with a resounding ring. It was a dreadful sound. To James, the sound seemed to be mocking at him, taunting him. It was insane. Like a broken machine, the echo played on in his head repeatedly. Fustrated, he charged towards the metal bars with a roar, gripping the bars till his knuckles turned white. He sank to the floor eventually, tears of anger and regret rolled down his cheeks, forming a small pool at the base of his feet.

Then, he arched his back in pain as tremors as sharp as needles shot through him. He started shivering, with small tremors every now and then. His eyes turned bloodshot, and beads of cold sweat formed on his upper lips. James was in agony. His fists clenched by his side, and he curled into a foetus position as the pain mounted. It was excruxiating. It was unbearable. Every second felt like a century, and time seemed to have come to a stop. He screamed, he cursed, and he moaned. Yet nothing seemed to be able to stop thepain. His hair found its way to his hair, whereby he proceeded to yank them by the roots in a desperate bid to stop the dreaded feeling. The feeling of going cold turkey.

Hallucinations. A young teenage boy strutting confidently, his grades were good, and he was popular among friends. Flash. A little older now, the boy stared hesitantly at the round white 'sweets' lying innocently on his palms, his friends jeering at him at the side. He gave a weak smile, and with trembling fingers, he proved his friends wrong. Flash. James laughing wildly, his eyes glazed over, hiccuping and giggling non-stop. His friends looking at him with admiration. He smirked. Flash. James sneaking into his parents' room with a wild look in his eyes. Grabbing the money box off the dresser, he ran back to his room before smashing it open. Flash. A lady sobbing, her eyes silently begging him to stop. James stared at his palm in disbelief. It was still smarting from that slap he gave to his mother. But the wad of money in his pocket, that was what he came for. He bolted out of the house. Flash. A candle flame flickered in the darkness, offering an occasional glimpse of a dishellved James. He held a satchet of white powder in his hands, crouching above the flame. Flash. Urgent pounding on the door. The door banged opened. Policemen everywhere. Handcuffs clicked shut as his rights were read out to him. The siren of the police car. Flash.

The defeaning roar in his ears finally died down. James whimpered pathetically. It was antagonising. He craved for the joy, the laughter that can only be found through the 'sweets'. He dragged himself over to the thin mattress, and lay down.His body sticky with sweat, the energy drained from him. He glanced down at his hands, where the numerous veins had collapse due to the injections. He ran his fingers over them lightly, and sank into a deep thought. Soon,his breathing even out, and he fell asleep.

The years passed. A young man walked out from beyond the prison. He had walked free. Walked away from his addiction to drugs. Walked away from the gloomy prison. Walked towards his freedom. James strolled out with a smile on his face; he had overcomed his addiction, and that was all that mattered. An aged lady hobbled towards him. James broke into a run, and embraced the old lady.

"Mum, thanks for not giving up on me. Thanks for giving me the chance to start over anew, thanks for being here for me. I love you." He whispered. He was finally free.
Hi there,

Less is more. I suggest you let the agony speak for itself.

That said, I'm not exactly an expert around here.
PotatowedgesAddiction

The sound of prison bars slammed shut with a resounding ring. It was a dreadful sound. To James, the sound seemed to be mocking at him, taunting him. It was insane. Like a broken machine, the echo played on in his head repeatedly. Fustrated, James charged towards the metal bars with a roar, gripping the bars till his knuckles turned white. He sank to the floor eventually, tears of anger and regret rolled down his cheeks, forming a small pool at the base of his feet.

Then, he arched his back in pain as tremors as sharp as needles shot through him. He started shivering, with small tremors every now and then. His eyes turned bloodshot, and beads of cold sweat formed on his upper lips. James was in agony. His fists clenched by his side, and he curled into a foetus position as the pain mounted. It was excruxiating. It was unbearable. Every second felt like a century, and time seemed to have come to a stop. He screamed, he cursed, and he moaned. Yet nothing seemed to be able to stop thepain. His hair found its way to his hair, whereby he proceeded to yank them by the roots in a desperate bid to stop the dreaded feeling. The feeling of going cold turkey.
tears of anger and regret rolled down his cheeks, forming a small pool at the base of his feet. A bit excessive! He must have cried barrels of tears.

beads of cold sweat formed on his upper lips How many mouths did he have?
Other errors needing attention:

His hair found its way to his hair, whereby he proceeded to yank them by the roots in a desperate bid to stop the dreaded feeling

his friends jeering at him at the side.

a dishellved James.

It was antagonising
where the numerous veins had collapse

sank into a deep thought. Soon,his breathing even out, and he fell asleep.
A young man walked out from beyond the prison.

He had walked free.

he had overcomed his addiction
I love you," he

Good lively writing - but you need to check these.
Site Hint: Check out our list of pronunciation videos.
oh, it's this long coz there's a requirement to meet. 350 words min. but thanks anyway! =D
Feebs11 tears of anger and regret rolled down his cheeks, forming a small pool at the base of his feet. A bit excessive! He must have cried barrels of tears.

beads of cold sweat formed on his upper lips How many mouths did he have?

Other errors needing attention:


His hair found its way to his hair, whereby he proceeded to yank them by the roots in a desperate bid to stop the dreaded feeling

his friends jeering at him at the side.

a dishellved James.

It was antagonising
where the numerous veins had collapse

sank into a deep thought. Soon,his breathing even out, and he fell asleep.

A young man walked out from beyond the prison.

He had walked free.

he had overcomed his addiction

I love you," he

Good lively writing - but you need to check these.

got it! thanks! =D