In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

Humankind has developed increasingly, especially in cultural and economic facets. Therefore, people in some countries were subconsciously ingrained that having a house gain more benefit than renting. However, in my own perspective, I think this trend may have a negative impact on our society. This essay aims to seek the causes and the nature of this trend.

To begin with, a thorough inspection of their desire reveals economic and social-classes pressure as a culprit. With the emergence of economic schemes which rapidly develop all over the globe, the economic pressure is much harsher, especially in a mega-metropolis where the price of real estate leaps and bounds constantly. Thus, owning a house where the rent money is the major income of the owners is the dream life of someone else. Not to mention, having your own house is considered to be a sign of wealth and pride in many cultures. For instance, in some Asian countries such as Viet Nam and China, people always teach their kids to have to diligent in both study and work so that they can buy a house in the future.

Secondly, I also believe that this tendency undoubtedly influences our society negatively. Some individuals suppose that this motivation incentivizes those people to work harder to make ends meet, while I would argue that this trend created chronic pressure for them, both physically and mentally. As the result, they might impose themselves under the enormous pressure of work and even go bankrupt because of the deficiency of financial-management ability. Not to mention, purchasing a house in a large city takes more than just hard work, especially in cities that its real estate value is greatly high. For example, the price of an apartment in any building on Times Square (New York) costs a fortune, meanwhile, the annual income of dwellers is nearly one-twentieth of that price.

To conclude, the desire for homeownership is not only derived from cultural factors but also associated with profit-oriented purposes in the long term. In consequence, it may contribute to put financial and mental pressure on purchasers as well as make the real estate’s price unexpectedly higher in general.

Your essay is too long. It is a problem because your use of English is rather unnatural, and you will lose more points on a longer essay compared to a shorter one.

You wrote 360 words. The minimum is 250. You will not lose points for writing more; however, longer essays generally do not get high band scores. And there are many reasons for this.

First, the longer the essay, the more chances you have to make errors, and you will lose points for each of those errors.

Second, your writing may be repetitious and wordy. This will cost you points in task response or coherence and cohesion.

Third, you will likely stray off-topic, and examiners will deduct points if you are not focused on the topic. Do not write about things that are not specifically given in the task. You will also be tempted to use weak or unsound arguments or even lose your direction and contradict yourself. Develop just two or three argument points with examples and personal experiences. It is much better to have two well-developed and fleshed-out argument points than to have four which are just individual separate statements.

Fourth, you will spend a lot of time writing, and not have sufficient time left over to proofread your essay. You will miss the silly mistakes, which everyone makes, and that lowers your score.

Fifth, you will not have enough time for Task 1, and get a lower score there. You should allow 40 minutes for task and 20 minutes for Task 1. The word counts are designed so that you have ample time for brainstorming and then writing the two parts.

Aim to write around 270 words for Task 2. Practice writing a lot of essays so you get a feeling for the length.

Humankind has developed increasingly, especially in cultural and economic facets. (That makes no sense. I have no idea what your idea is.) Therefore, people in some countries were subconsciously ingrained (I don't know what you mean. They were brainwashed? ) that having a house gain (wrong verb form) more benefits than renting. However, in my own perspective, I think this trend (Wrong word. The topic does not mention any trend.) may have a negative impact on our society. This essay aims to seek the causes and the nature of this trend.


Never mention your essay. The examiner knows you are writing an essay, and they know the topic. Don't tell them what they know already.

You must answer the task prompts in the opening paragraph, so the examiner has an idea of your position. So you need to give a short answer to each of these questions.

Why might this be the case?

Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?


For example:

It is the nature of all animals, including humans, to have a place that is secure and comfortable, and belongs to you. But I believe this instinct to own your own house is a negative situation because being tied to property restricts your options for the future.



To begin with, a thorough inspection of their (Whose?) desire (For what?) reveals economic and social-classes pressure as a culprit. With the emergence of economic schemes which rapidly develop all over the globe, the economic pressure is much harsher, (That is a lot of words that is incomprehensible. Write what you mean clearly and succinctly.) especially in a mega-metropolis where the price of real estate leaps and bounds (wrong use of an idiom, I think.) constantly. Thus, owning a house where the rent money is the major income of the owners is the dream life of someone else. (I think you mean that many people want to be a landlord, owning income-producing properties.) Not to mention, having your own house is considered to be a sign of wealth and pride in many cultures. For instance, in some Asian countries such as Viet Nam and China, people always teach their children kids to have to (wrong verb) diligent in both study and work so that they can buy a house in the future.

Secondly, Second, I also believe that (Do not write your position or opinion in the body paragraphs. You position is stated in the opening paragraph - the thesis statement - and your arguments supporting it are in the body paragraphs.) this tendency undoubtedly influences our society negatively. Some individuals suppose that this motivation incentivizes those people to work harder to make ends meet, while it is far more likely to create I would argue that this trend created chronic pressure for them, both physically and mentally. As the result, they might impose (wrong usage) themselves under the enormous pressure of work and even go bankrupt because of the deficiency of financial-management ability. (That does not make sense. Your argument is not logical. Hard-working poeple are often good money managers because they know the value of money.) Not to mention, purchasing a house in a large city takes more than just hard work, especially in cities that its where real estate values are is greatly (wrong word) high. For example, the price of an apartment in any building on Times Square (New York) costs a fortune, (comma splice error) meanwhile, the annual income of dwellers (wrong word) is nearly one-twentieth of that price.

To conclude, the desire for homeownership is not only derived from cultural factors but also associated with profit-oriented purposes in the long term. In consequence, it may contribute to put financial and mental pressure on purchasers as well as make the real estate’s (wrong form) prices unexpectedly higher in general. (You did not have the increase of housing prices in a body paragraph. Do not add new points in the conclusion paragraph.)