Hello,

I really need help writing a response to this essay topic: "How do you define success?" I have made four different attempts at an essay but I cannot seem to produce something that flows logically. Below is my latest attempt, I would appreciate any suggestions for improved structure ideas, or ways to link the themes.

Note, I have a 400 word limit for the essay.

How do you define success?

One of my fondest memories of growing up was watching Magic Johnson and the Los Angeles Lakers with my father. Magic was known for making his teammates better, and was successful in leading the LA Lakers to 5 NBA championships in the 1980s. He has also been successful in creating the Magic Johnson foundation serving to improve the quality of life for people living in urban communities. I believe Magic to be successful not only for his basketball accomplishments, but also for his positive impact on urban communities.

I define my success as realizing my potential to have a positive impact on the organizations or communities around me, including my family, people I work with and the communities I am a part of. In our daily lives we interact with many people, through which we have opportunities to create positive changes. To be successful I believe that these opportunities need to be seized and their potential realized.

This type of success I believe is achieved through the connections we develop with others. During my second year at ZS Associates, I began tutoring a third grade boy, named Jose, through the Jewish Coalition for Literacy. Over the course of several months, I developed a connection with Jose through teaching him chess strategy and guiding his reading and writing lessons. Hearing from Jose’s teacher about the confidence he demonstrated in giving his class’ graduation speech, I felt extremely gratified by his accomplishment. The connections we develop are important to success because they are our vehicles for change.

Taking that experience with me, after learning how gratifying it is to help a new immigrant boy find confidence within himself, I searched for outreach opportunities to local communities for my fellow ZS colleagues. I motivated several colleagues to participate in a six week children’s Saturday basketball program organized by Real Options for City Kids. I was proud of creating an opportunity for my colleagues to better serve the community.

Just as life is rather multifaceted, success to me means having a loving family and great friendships, but it also means to be able to satisfy my desire to connect with people and have a positive impact in the community.

Extra paragraph, but it doesn't fit in the current structure well:
I also believe that greater success can be achieved working as a team toward a common goal. As president of my undergraduate Industrial Engineering honor society, I helped lead the growth of the organization and provide a platform for continued development. In keeping close relations with the organization, I often return to speak with friends and new members. Having seen their recent accomplishments, I feel a sense of gratification in leaving behind an organization that has continued to improve on its past success.
Looks good to me. Delete the apostrophe after 'class' and insert 'not only' between 'me' and 'means'.

And delete the extra paragraph; it is unnecessary.
I define success as "Satisfaction". If you are satisfied you have succeeded. There are people who are satisfied even if they have lost the race and some are sad despite of winning. The real winner is the one who is satisfied and happy in the end. Satisfaction is blessing and is directly proportional to happiness.

...... whats next ??
no idea Emotion: sad