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PRIDE

I ferry the boat up the incline

Through rocks and boulders

Through the hardships and shine

It rains hail onto my shoulders

I exhale reputation

Having had inhaled smoke

I live in a mansion

In which I lay and choke

It's the end I wait

Not the process that kills

With anxiety and stress I date

They sit there dwelling in my gills

But in the end it's an absolute pride

With red roses and blue butterflies

Earning respect by my side

Until they disappear

And the ferrying starts again

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It's interesting, Nalini. A good effort.

'Gills' seems out of place unless the character is a fish.

'Anxiety and stress' seems out of register—rather stuffy objective words.

'Red roses' is a bit clichéd.

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Instead of red roses, what about dancing daffodils?

Nalini RajeevInstead of red roses, what about dancing daffodils?

Really boring. Poetry is about creating new images, not recycling old, old ones.