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Hi all,

I discover that I use too much "Please" in my email. Can you teach me how to ignore it, but still make people think I am polite. Please see the example as below: Thank you.

Thank you for your statement.
Two invoices were missing. Would you please fax them to me?

By the way, I found two apples you sent us last week was damaged. Can you please check and replace them.

Moreover, my boss want to order ten apples more. Would you please give us a better price and provide the quotation to me?

Finally, our shipping address is changed to No. 1, Wong Tai Sin Street. Please update your record accordingly.
Comments  
You can use these:

Would you kindly send ...

Thank you for providing a quotation...

I'd be grateful to you for replacing them...
Yim000
Hi all,

I discover that I use too much "Please" in my email. Can you teach me how to ignore it, but still make people think I am polite. Please see the example as below: Thank you.

Thank you for your statement.
Two invoices were missing. Would you please fax them to me?

By the way, I found two apples you sent us last week was damaged. Can you please check and replace them.

Moreover, my boss want to order ten apples more. Would you please give us a better price and provide the quotation to me?

Finally, our shipping address is changed to No. 1, Wong Tai Sin Street. Please update your record accordingly.

Well, How does it look to you?

Personally, if I have more than 2 issues to be addressed, I would use a “list” format. So I don’t have to sound nagging.

Dear xxxx

Thank you for your statement. There is a couple of issues that requires attentions. We’d be most grateful if expeditious action is taken as follows.

1) Two invoices were missing. Would you please fax them to me?

2) I found two apples delivered to us last week damaged. Can you please check and replace them.

3) My boss wants to order ten apples more and likes for you to give us a better price. Can you send us a quote?

Please note that our shipping address is changed to No. 1, . Please update your record accordingly.

We’d be most appreciative if you can get back to me at your earliest convenience.

Regards,

XXX
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Thank you Pieanne and Goodman.

Goodman,

Your edited version still have four "Please". Any suggestion to omit it?

Pieanne,

In your edited version, I see you use "Thank you & I am grateful" to replace the "Please".

Does a native speaker say it like this? I want to be polite, but I am afraid to make people think "too polite".

Please comment. Thank you.
You'll have to wait for a native's opinion, I'm afraid... They are used, but maybe not in every line of an email/letter...
There are a few alternative words/expressions than can be used in place of the word "please", but the problem is that they often have differing nuances.

"Please return the completed order form as soon as possible." (Direct request)
"It would be appreciated if you could return the completed order form as soon as possible." (Implied request)
"Kindly return the order form as soon as possible." (Sounds more polite than is necessary.)

Personally, I think you should go with the list format suggestion. You could say "Please address each of the items below as soon as possible" in the header and omit "please" from each of the list items altogether.
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I think your question was how you could compose a business letter without using "please" repeatedly. Having a "Please" is always a nice jesture but avoid overly using it. Without "please" your letter may sound demanding and carry a tone of "order".
Dear ***

Thank you for your statement. There is a couple of issues that requires attentions. We’d be most grateful if expeditious action is taken as follows.

1) Two invoices were missing. Would you fax a new copy to me?

2) I found two apples delivered to us last week damaged. Can you check and replace them.

3) My boss wants to order ten apples more and likes for you to give us a better price. Can you send us a quote?

Please note that our shipping address is changed to No. 1, Wong Tai Sin Street. Please update your record accordingly.

We’d be most appreciative if you can get back to me at your earliest convenience.

Regards,

***

Hope this satisfy your comment.

Goodman