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When she realizes what I ask, she looks up, the smile on her face a second before has disappeared. "What? Are you kidding me?" she says. After some persuasion, she puts down her laptop and asks for a kiss in exchange for her company. It's a great deal for me. She changes her clothes and I get ready by putting on my shoes and off we go. The hallway is dimly lit and I can feel goosebumps develop on my skin in the cold breeze. We impatiently wait for the elevator as it gradually climbs up the well. Every second seems like an hour in the cold weather.

Are there any mistakes?
Thanks.
Comments  
The expression "impatiently wait for the elevator" usually means you're waiting for it to come to your current location, so you can enter it. Somehow, I think you're using it to mean you're waiting for it to complete it's journey with you already aboard. "Waiting for the elevator" is sort of a fixed expression. (Perhaps I misunderstand your intention.)

I hesitate to say this, but I recommend "the smile that was on her face a second before." This is one of those sentences which makes you read it to the end, then go back and adjust your interpretation. (Someone who processes rapidly might not notice it, but I found it a little awkward.)

In the US, we call it an elevator shaft, unless it's one of those modern ones which climb up the outside of the building. (I first read it as "wall.") The image is manque, since there is usually no view, or sense of anything other than the passing of time and changes in the G-force. But if it were an outside one, with a view, my objection would not apply. (But then you'd refer to it's tracks neither as a well nor a shaft.)
- A.
AvangiThe expression "impatiently wait for the elevator" usually means you're waiting for it to come to your current location, so you can enter it.
Yes. This is what I meant.
AvangiSomehow, I think you're using it to mean you're waiting for it to complete it's journey with you already aboard.
I wonder which part of the paragraph conveys this idea. Perhaps, it's because the story is not complete, thus confuses the reader. Part 3 is coming up soon. Emotion: smile
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Avangian elevator shaft
Thanks, Avangi. How about stair well?
Avangithose modern ones which climb up
Avangiis one of those sentences which makes you read
Avangi, I wonder why climb is plural while makes is singular.
"Stair well" is fine.

You have me on "climb" vs "makes." I didn't think about it at the time. I must have been "processing ahead" and forseen what a mess all those plurals would have been. I think perhaps you may choose which word you want the "which" to reference - the "one" or the "sentences." What would a guru say?? Just plain wrong??

Anyway, how do you know it's gradually climbing? Are you watching the numbers? I think it's this part that makes me think you're aboard.

I'm looking for a word to replace "develop," but I can't find one.
AvangiAnyway, how do you know it's gradually climbing? Are you watching the numbers? I think it's this part that makes me think you're aboard.
I have been living in that apartment building for months. I was also exaggerating to show how impatient I was, I guess.
Avangilooking for a word to replace "develop," but I can't find one.
What's wrong with it?
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New2grammar What's wrong with it?
Not much. It's a bit incongruous. "Goosebumps" is so down-to-earth, and "develop" is so analytical.