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I am practicing to write task 1 in the Ielts test with one of my friend. We really need feedback for these two essays. Please help us ! Emotion: smile

The line chart shows average attendance at the cinema among various age groups in the US from 2000 to 2011.

A glance at the line chart provided reveals differences between the average attendance rates of various age groups in the US over the 11-year period from 2000 to 2011.

Overall, the highest attendance rate was attributed to people from 15 to 24 years old, while the polar opposite was true for the age group of 35 and over. In addition, all four figures of the four age groups grew up over time.

To begin with, the figure for the 15-24 age group rose sustainedly from 15% in 2000 to some 44% after nearly 6 years. After that, it fluctuated somewhere in the vicinity of 45% then increased to about 50% in 2007. Then, it reached a plateau at about 37% in 2008s before ascending in the remaining years. As for the 35-and-over age group, it climbed stably from approximately 0% in 2000 to around 12% in 2011.

As regards the two remaining figures, the one for 7-14 age group leaped to 30% in 2007s from 10% in 2000. Then it fell down slightly in 2008 before peaking at nearly 40% in 2010. Likewise, the figure for 25-35 age group climbed stably to around 25% in 2007, then dipped down about 5% in the subsequent year before peaking at around 32% in 2009s. After all, both figures showed downwards trend after their peaks.
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The provided line graph illustrates how the number of people among different ages going to the cinema was changed in the US during a 11-year period from 2000 to 2011.

Overall, a quick glance at the graph shows that all groups of people observed a significant fluctuation in the number of cinema goers. It is also noticeable that 15-24 was the most favorable age to attend the cinema, while humans aging 35 and over accounted for the least significant proportion among the four groups.

In 2000, there was only 1% of 35-year-old residents going to the cinema. This figure then went up steadily and stood at approximately 12% at the end of the period. In the meantime, 7-14 and 25-35 age group observed a startling parallel. These two figures respectively began at 10% and 3%, then simultaneously fluctuated to reach the same point, at 30% in 2011.

In sharp contrast, people aging 15-24 went to the cinema the most. In 2000, about 16% of cinema goers were 15-24 years old. During the next 10 years, this figure fluctuated dramatically and reached the peak at over 50% in 2011.

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Please read my advice for Task 1 essays:

IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice

Vocabulary Words For Task 1: Reference Post


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A glance (That is bad, very bad! The maths professor wants you to study the graph very carefully so you can accurately report the information. A "glance" is just the opposite of a close study. ) at the line chart (There is no such thing as a line chart. There are pie charts, bar charts, eye charts, organization charts and Gantt charts. No "line charts". Read my advice about the names of the different types of figures. ) provided (Unnatural. Do not use "given" or 'provided.) reveals differences (Not good. What is plotted, actually?) between the average attendance (Attendance at school? Attendance at concerts? Be specific.) rates (Wrong word. Read my advice about the word "rate." There are interest rates, employment rates or birth rates. These are standard demographic measures. ) of various (That is very vague. How many? Report the data precisely and accurately. What are the age groups?) age groups in the US over the 11-year period from 2000 to 2011.

Overall, the highest attendance rate (wrong word) was attributed to (wrong usage.) for people from 15 to 24 years old, while the polar opposite (Not good) was true for the age group of 35 and over. In addition, all four figures (wrong word. Read my advice. The figure is the graph itself.) of the four age groups grew up (wrong usage. A baby grows up to be an adult.) over time.

To begin with, the figure for the 15-24 age group rose sustainedly from 15% in 2000 to some (wrong word) 44% after nearly 6 years. After that, it fluctuated (wrong word) somewhere in the vicinity (That is not good math/science description. Be precise.) of 45% then increased to about 50% in 2007. Then, it reached a plateau at about 37% in 2008s before ascending in the remaining years. As for the 35-and-over age group, it climbed stably (wrong word) from approximately 0% in 2000 to around 12% in 2011.

As regards the two remaining figures, the one percentage for 7-14 age group leaped (Do not use dramatic words in Task 1. Use scientific words.) tripled to 30% in 2007s from 10% in 2000. Then it fell down (wrong word. If you fall down, you are lying on the ground.) slightly in 2008 before peaking at nearly 40% in 2010. Likewise, the figure for 25-35 age group climbed stably to around 25% in 2007, then dipped down about 5% in the subsequent year before peaking at around 32% in 2009s. After all, both figures showed downwards trend after their peaks.


The task is not to write every detail on every curve. It is "summarize" and "make comparisons" You did not do this.

Instead, you wrote a very long (nearly 230 words) detailed essay. You will not lose points for writing more; however, longer essays generally do not get high scores. There are many reasons.

First, the longer the essay, the more chances you have to make errors, and you will lose points for these errors.

Second, especially in Task 1, you are likely writing about everything, rather than following the instructions and picking out only the significant points. This will cost you points.

Third, you will take a lot of the limited time writing, and not have time left over to proofread your essay. You will miss the silly mistakes, and that lowers your score.

Fourth, you will not have enough time to devote to Task 2, and get a lower score there. Task 2 counts twice as much for your overall score.
Aim to write 170-190 words for Task 1.
You can use this word counter: https://www.ieltsscore.com/word-counter/

Students: We have free audio pronunciation exercises.
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The provided (delete. unnatural) line graph illustrates (wrong word. Read my advice. Illustrate is not an appropriate verb for plots or tables of data. Use it for maps, flowcharts, and diagrams. Those figures are pictures. "Illustrate" means "show a picture of something." For plots you can use compare, plot, give, show and sometimes depict. For tables, use list or give. ) how (wrong word) the number of people (Number is a count. Like 23,876 or 139,764 or 348. That is not what is on this graph. You cannot compare numbers, because you have no idea what the exact counts are. ) among different ages going to the cinema was changed (wrong verb form - Who made it change? The CD in my player was changed by my mother. ) in the US during a the / an 11-year period from 2000 to 2011.

Overall, a quick glance at the graph shows (That is bad, very bad! The maths professor wants you to study the graph very carefully so you can accurately report the information. A "quick glance" is just the opposite of a close study. The math professor will not be pleased with this report. ) that all groups of people observed (wrong word. They observed the films in the theaters, but that is not what you should be writing here.) a significant fluctuation (wrong word. Read my advice about the word "fluctuation." It is hardly used correctly.) in the number (wrong word.) of cinema goers. It is also noticeable that 15-24 was the most favorable age (wrong expression. ) to attend the cinema, while humans (wrong word. We do not use "human" to mean "people" in this context..) adults aging (wrong form.) 35 and over accounted for the least significant proportion among the four groups. (You did not define these four groups in the first paragraph.)

In 2000, there was only 1% of 35-year-old residents (wrong word. Also wrong usage. The graph does not plot the people who were 35 years old in a separate curve.) going to the cinema. This figure then went up steadily and stood at approximately 12% at the end of the period. In the meantime, 7-14 and 25-35 age group observed (wrong word.) a startling (wrong word. - This is an opinion word - your reaction is "surprise." Do not show emotions in Task 1.) parallel. These two figures (wrong word. ) respectively began at 10% and 3%, then simultaneously fluctuated (wrong word. to reach the same point, at 30% in 2011.

In sharp contrast, people aging (wrong form. ) 15-24 went to the cinema the most. In 2000, about 16% of cinema goers were 15-24 years old. (That is completely wrong. The graph does not show the proportion of all movie goers by age group. ) During the next 10 years, this figure (wrong word. ) fluctuated (wrong word.) dramatically and reached the peak (wrong word.) at over 50% in 2011.


If you follow my vocabulary advice, you will write much better task 1 essays.

Comments  
Students: Are you brave enough to let our tutors analyse your pronunciation?



Sample essay (~190 words)

The line graph compares the percentage of people in four different age groups who went to a cinema at least once a month between 2000 and 2011. The groups are children 7-14, adolescents 15-24, young adults 25-34 and adults older than 34.

Overall the highest percentages are for the adolescents, followed by the children, and then the young adults. The group with the smallest values are the older adults. Attendance rose for all age groups, with the adolescents having the greatest relative change.

In detail, in 2000, less than one in six people of any age group did this activity. In the youngest two groups, for example, it was 10 and 15%, and less than 5% for the older groups. There were, over the period, two large gaps, the first between the 15-24 age groups and the second highest, the children. The second was a gap as large as 20% between the young and older adults. In 2011, the majority of the adolescents were frequent movie-goers, compared to 30% for both the children and young adults and about 13% for the oldest group.

Thanks for your detailed feedback! I do not know where to check my vocabulary in task 1 and your advice really comes in hand!

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