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(Hey its me, the gay guy again...i think ill call myself Alex so you know who i am now lol) Well i completly agree with you LT...its a shame that this person feels it is so wrong to be in love....and so what if its with someone with the same gender?

And yeah it does seem that this woman is only following the "normal" thing...which i think is quite sad how this person bases her life on other peoples emotions and actions rather than her own...

"There were a lot of tears and sleepless nights. But I keep believing that it was wrong to have that kind of relationship."
Well hunny for me i had lots of tears and sleepless nights on the realisation that i could be gay...and you know what? After coming out to myself, I grew to accept it....I know exactly what you're going through....when i was younger...about 4 years ago i had a rough time accepting myself as, like you, i thought it was "wrong" and "unacceptable", and i didnt want to become someone who was gay (unfortunatly i had that viewpoint....but i was only 12...) anyway...it really does sound like you're in denial and you have the challenge to face of coming out and accepting yourself...because hun im telling you...you're not 100% straight...its likley that you are gay or even bisexual.

"It feels really good to win in this test of life. It was a struggle, and took me 7 years to win."
Love is stronger than you think....one day you'll realise you're still gay, and always have been...whether it be next week or next year...or even when you're married at the age of 30 something....love will come back and tell you who you really are...

"life is a struggle and full of tests..after winning or failing one, another is coming."
Yup...that other one coming is going to be lesbianism again i guarantee it...and it will keep coming until you realise you have to accept it...

"1+1 is 2, then say to yourself it is 2, even though you really like it to be 3 or 4 or 5."
Riiggghhhtt....homosexuality is a bit more complicated than 1+1....

And I pity you too because it is a hard thing to go through which ISNT a "test"...hun im seriously telling you this will come back to you another day in your life and make you realise you're gay/bi...or whatever....and i really really hope you find happiness with someone..anyone..male or female...and i do hope you find it easier to accept yourself than what you've stated thats happened to you over previous years as you evidently find it difficult to accept yourself in todays society ...

Alex ***
I'd like to comment on the post of Guest of March 25th.

I respect your honesty with your telling us your story. Even across monitors, the pain and anguish you went through most have been horrible, especially from your family background. You must have felt even more alone and separated from your family.

You loved her for 7 years. At 15, most teenagers make a big deal if they remain together for 6 months let alone. I'm trying to imagine how you felt during that time. The unmistakable feeling of love for her, and the unrelenting feeling of guilt associated with that love. You used the word struggle very appropriately.

After reading your post, I could only wonder, was all that anguish necessary?

I disagree with Alex on the point of trying to pigeon-hole someone's sexuality in box. Someone was considers themself straight can fall in love with someone of the same-sex, eventually and maybe later on, fall in love with someone of the opposite sex later on. Someone who sees themselves as gay, may also fall in love unexpected with someone of the opposite, but still feel more attraction towards people of their own gender. Basically my arguement is, you fall in love with, whoever you fall in love with, beyond gender.

Maybe with her, it might have been just a one-off, or maybe it might happen again too, and she still might be for the most part attracted to men, if this is the case. I don't know to whom she's attracted to more - or even if she can honestly answer it herself. However, if she manages to find love and happiness with a man - so be it. I just saddens me that you may be closing yourself to possibly greater peace of mind and happiness because of denying something that may be so basic in you. I'm also curious as to whether you find yourself looking more at men or women.

It saddens me because it seems that you had something special with her, I can only wonder if your relationship would have bloomed further if it had been given a chance. I'm not referring to something physical or sexual - I'm talking about intimacy and trust.

I get the feelings that what brought about your viewpoint that homosexuality is wrong is your religion. If you want to stick by your particular brand of religion, it is your choice which ought to be respected. If you feel that your abstaining from your feelings will save your soul - so be it.

Others who can be equally religious and dedicated feel that they are living their religion and still be happy with their same-sex partner and save their soul. It is up to you ultimately - your happiness is at stake.

"My belief: homosexuality is not a choice but rather is a test(and not everybody is facing this same test), to see if we are able to judge what is right and what is wrong, to judge what's the best thing for us, and then to follow the judgement, not our desires. it might not be as easy for everybody else as it had been for me, but i think the first step is to want to be better. we have only one life and i believe everybody want it be the best life lived. "

I agree with what you're saying here - but through that same reasoning, I come to a different conclusion. One has to see how one will live their life most fruitfully, a life with as little regrets as possible. It might not be easy, but one knows that is the best way, for oneself at least. The desire to not be different from the rest of society is won over by the judgement that one has to be honest, at least with oneself. That is when people realise I am the way I am and I'm not going to shy away from myself any longer.

Even when people reach that stage - internalised homophobia is still there. The attitudes and beliefs instilled from when we were young remain with us. That gays are sick, paedophiles, freaks, sinful creatures abhored by God (which is not quite correct at least Biblically), that gay men or lesbians act or behave in certain ways. The stereotype is still there and affects gay people. When coming to terms, its hard as one knows that they are none of things.

1 + 1 = 2. Most definately. But some people prefer not to work with that particular formula. Some may prefer 0.5 + 0.5 = 1, or which is equally true, honest and just. That formula may lead them to growth possibly, not that 1 + 1 = 2. There aren't even 2 forumalae but a multitude of them.

Good luck with your choices - may you be happy and never regret them no matter what they may be.

Za-Zen
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Hey its Alex again...

"I disagree with Alex on the point of trying to pigeon-hole someone's sexuality in box. Someone was considers themself straight can fall in love with someone of the same-sex, eventually and maybe later on, fall in love with someone of the opposite sex later on. Someone who sees themselves as gay, may also fall in love unexpected with someone of the opposite, but still feel more attraction towards people of their own gender. Basically my arguement is, you fall in love with, whoever you fall in love with, beyond gender."

Yeah Za-Zen i agree with you that someone whos gay an fall in love with someone who is of the opposite sex and/or vice versa.....sorry if i came across too strong and didnt make that clear...but yeh i do agree with you on that viewpoint...

And btw i'd just like to pointout that im christian and that was why it was difficult for me to accept myself....just like the other guest up there ^^^

Alex ***
David:
Well, this is not a proof but... did you ever choosed to be or not to be heterosexual? I never had to take a decision... I knew what I liked and they were women. I never choosed to be straight, I am straight.
I think its very possible that most gays never decided to become gays. Probably the only ones who had to take a decision were those who were undecided or doubtful about their preferences.

About what I think about gays... well, I don't have any problems as long they behave as normal persons (I do not mean they should hide their homosexuality, I mean they don't need to act). What I can't stand are those persons who are gay but behave as butterflies, 'flying' around moving themselves as if they had some problem with the muscles of their legs (unless they actually have a real problemEmotion: wink) and doing noises. The occasional screams or loud voices also make me nervous. But I don't like them just as I don't like hot blondes without brains.