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I want to know what i need to do in order to speak cleary, consisely and intelligently. I've learned that most of the time, i'm at a loss for words, coversationally speaking, and may come across as unintelligent because my wording just isn't there. It's embarrasing. And it's caused me from being a social person. I also find myself sabotaging relationships with people because of this speaking problem I have. What am I lacking? I mean, I would talk to anyone. Im not that shy. I read alot. I've studied grammar privately. I've taken classes on public speaking, grammar and critical thinking. I use vocabulary books and dictionaries everytime I need them. I've also read books on comprehension, critical thinking, reasoning and listening effectively and I still dont think I speak effectively. I can enunciate a word well and can even imitate public speaking figures or TV/Movie personalities quite well. I'm not delusional because i've recorded myself and i notice that i fumble alot or stop to think for a sec about the next word or the idea as a whole i'm trying to convey. It's as if I cannot make my words flow. I've noticed how people can just flow with words as if were born to speak. Like news anchors speak marvelously, I think. I would love to speak as a news anchor does. How do they do it, I wonder. It's all i think about, speaking clearly. What's wrong? Do i have a mental problem perhaps?
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Comments  (Page 2) 
Cláudio from Brasil writes.

There are several good responses to your inquiry. There is however, a peace of information that could be added and I apologize if you already know it but, some or maybe all news anchor are reading their texts from a screen placed in front of them called a teleprompter. They are professionally trained to speak in a certain tone and rythm as I am sure you're aware of. Also anywhere in world it is difficult to develop and maintain relationships of anykind. Communication is not just about speaking to people and the small groups of friends or acquittances that surround you and, tend to greatly influence your thoughts and behavior. Communicating well is the result perhaps, of a natural joy that comes from the set of your life experiences. You know what, try to move to the fun part of life. Relax, travel, don't read technical boring stuff. Read fun thoughtful literary works. Get to know people that are fun, they like reading then add traveling eating, dancing and sports you can do those things at any age. The this happens the stories, comments, jokes you want to tell will be expressed with the joy and self-confidence of someone who is having a good time in life. Have a joyous time in life don't alow yourself or someone else to force you in the direction of downing obsessions. Words, words they are so much more beautyful when dictated by good feelings. Have a good time.

the way I'm dealing with it Emotion: smile

-when I read , I read out loud for everyone in the neighborhood to hear, while reading I get to notice where exactly I do have speaking problems, therefore I work them out.

also when reading, I imagine that I'm actually reading in Arabic ,my native language, this really helps get over SELF CONCOIUSNESS



-recording any radio show then hearing it over and over, I use my i Pod, , then I try to respondto what its been said (talk to host) Emotion: stick out tongue



-Practice ALWAYS makes perfect.

- be patient.

Emotion: big smile

this feels good, I LOVE sharing personal learning techniques ..
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Anonymous
hi i m workimg in bpo..sometimes i fumble while speaking...i don't know how to over come with it..plz help me
I have three degrees and can really relate to the initial post. Couple of things have helped me overcome the problem, although not competely. Meditating has helped. Concentration techniques and breathing correctly while speaking have made a HUGE difference. Take a public speaking class. There is a comfort level problem that we need to exterminate. the class was terrifying but it helped significantly. Also, practice thinking faster when you speak. Instead of thinking of the words you just said, think of your next thought. I agree with an earlier post that this is simply self-awareness kicking in. Lastly, as pro athletes do, practice seeing yourself speaking how you want to speak in your minds eye. It's the same as actually practicing. All the best!
I´m going to use this today as my way of letting out and trying to understand what happened to me today. Then I´m going to conclude how I can help myself overcome this problem.
Today I was the host of a book discussion we held at the university. We were seven people in the room. I had prepared an outline for the discussion and reread the chapter to assure myself I could remember the location of info I read in case I had to make reference to it. As the discussion started I made the mistake of trying to let things flow too much and in about 5 minutes covered almost the whole chapter. Then I tried to develop the discussion according to the feedback I was recieving and that was a disaster. There was no coherency in the discussion and I found myself at a loss for words. The next 25-30 minutes were a nightmare. I found myself trying to improvise trusting that I knew the chapter well. The problem was that I am very bad at expressing my thoughts, putting them to words. In our discussion, I would say two words to begin a sentence and then stop to figure out what the rest of the sentence was going to say. There were odd silences while the group waited for me to finish the sentences. As this progressed I became more and more self-concious and started excusing my incapacities in front of the group. All I wanted to do was to get the meeting over with.
This is not the first time I have difficulties trying to put my thoughts into words. It´s a real struggle, sometimes very frustrating. I´m a law student and it really frustrates me because thoughts of incompetence creep in and try to take control of my mind. And once you´ve gotten accostumed to frustrations you tend to feel comfortable feeling inadequate; self-pity takes over. It´s a feeling a part of your mind rejects but the other part welcomes in like an old friend.
From a positive perspective, I´m glad I experiencied this failure in my life. God wants to shape me in his image and experiences like these really test my character. The question I have to ask myself is what am I going to do about it. Will I continue to feed my feeling of self-pity or am I going to take the necessary steps to correct this?
Driving back home after the discussion, after having scolded myself for such a horrible performance, the thought of looking for help was revolving in my mind but also was the thought of the time I was going to have to spend trying to improve my oral communication skills. "I want improvement and I want it now. I don´t want it a year from now.", I thought. But as the day has worn by I´ve begun to think more clearly about the situation, and after reading the helpful postings of this discussion, I can come to some conclusions as to how I can solve my speech problem.
First of all, if I would have stuck with the gameplan (the outline) the organization would have been better and, as a matter of fact, I could have expressed my ideas more clearly, coherently and with more fluidity. Secondly, I should practice frequently oral excersises were I have to organize info and express it in a coherent manner. Thirdly, I have to acquire books related to this topic. And lastly, maybe I should pay a visit to a professional who could equip me with the necessary tools to overcome my oral deficiency.
Any other advice is welcome. It´s really comforting when you find other people going through the exact same thing. I hope this discussion keeps delving more deeply on the subject.
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how do i stop mumbling cus what i hear and what others hear are two different things. i think isound a bit deep, but when i hear myself i sound really deep and very unclear
I find this topic so relevant and it is a relief to have happened into this thread. Most of my life I did blush, but it was only when people stated something that rang true on an emotional level (as if they were peering into my heart/soul). So blushing isn't that big of a problem... Here goes. Two years ago, I was on the receiving end of back to back tragedies. An auto accident and the unexpected sudden death of my 42 yr old spouse. I have what they are calling mild traumatic brain injury to my temporal lobes. (they say this area is all about emotion.) I have a masters degree and have been published. The written word has always flowed easier than the spoken word. Now, even more so. I find that when speaking to my sister I am pretty smooth. We talk on the phone daily for a few minutes. We don't talk about stressful things. But when I am there with her in person, and her children are in the room. There is so much stimulus that my voice slows and gets choppy. In more professional situations, I could be speaking to 1, 2, or a few people that I see everyday...as I am my first sentence... it is already falling apart. The recipient cocks their head, as if to try and understand. Then they give the answer to the question they think I was asking. (not actually the answer I needed). After I hear their answer, I can see how they interpreted my question. I admit my challenge with 'getting it right' and state my question in a different order (hopefully closer to the actual question that needs to be answered.)  Sometimes, it comical. I start laughing at some of the things that come out of my mouth. When I laugh, others know they can laugh, too. Then I am relieved and can, if needed, shoot at the questions for the 3rd time. 
Also, most jokes go right over my head. Humor wasn't really used when I was a child growing up. My father was my only parent. He wouldn't really talk to us about 'our day'. He talked when there was something we didn't do.... or we did wrong (I know this isn't unsual for that generation). As I think more clearly about all these things, it would appear that having been 'knocked off my feet' 2 years ago... that it launched me into a massive state of "self-doubt" (Someone mentioned this earlier.)  I am also very passive in that I won't 'stand up' for myself or even ask important questions of people I am paying to help me thru this. (Which is understandable, I guess) Strange because I was so not that way in my career as a project manager. I was a leader of 80 some odd, creative professionals producing multi-million dollar educational software programs 
In my present state of being, I do find it easier to spend time with people that didn't know me before all this happened. They accept me for who I am (delays and misunderstandings abound!) because they have nothing to compare it to. They cut me slack because they know only what I have been like 4 months ago, or 3 months ago. They see how far I come each month.
 I look forward to the day when I will speak with ease, again.  A day, when my thoughts and the ability to get them out occurs in a succinct and timely fashion. Yes, the day I ask the question as it exists in my mind... and receive the actual answer--will be cause for celebration! 
We are all a work in progress. I just have a better excuse, than most. I don't lean on the excuse. It doesn't stop me from facing this head on every day.  I also would like to add that I love who I am more now than before. I am a better human being in that I am present and grateful for each day. When it comes down to it... I wouldn't go back... forward is the only path for me. Best to all of you in your quest for understanding and growth.

I also have also had problems speaking clearly and coherently, making me seem less intelligent that i think i am. And as a result i have lost opportunties for relationships i had very much hoped for, so i had to be determined to work out my speaking problem. I think there are many reasons for me rambling non-sensically in person, some are:

1)feeling shy/inadquate/self conscious compared to those i am speaking with, and trying to impress too much (probably from having bad experiences with my fumbling language and social skills).

2) not having much experience/practice at expressing my thoughts verbally

3) not really sitting down and thinking my thoughts through logically and forming them well to myself before i go and sprout my opinions off.

4) not being formally taught the right way to structure my sentences. i dont know why i can speak so much more clearly on paper than in person.

But the way have attempted to fix this problem is by writing down on some paper some rules for me to follow when i am having my say in a conversation. (i collect these rules from books i read on communication at the library). and reading over those rules every night before bed, and asking myself: did i break any of those rules that day?, and what happend when i did?, and how could I have done it differently?. and trying to do better the next day.

Some of the rules on my list are these:

1) When a comment is made to you that was meant as a conversation starter, do not give one word answers, and NEVER EVER just start and continue talking until the other person interrupts you. Give brief responses, with clear pauses in it for interruption. You will either look like a mute or a babbling fool if you do anything else. Give brief but complete answers with a definite pause at the end to hand the conversation back over clearly. Don’t just talk until you are interrupted. Give pauses for people to interject, and also this sounds much more powerful and simple. Most people are taught to not interrupt. and it can make people feel distressed if you don’t, and then frustrated and bored. many people either talk too much or too little as their response. dont make your message too long or too short.

2) dont try to say too many things at once. make one point at a time, decide what is the most important thing you want to say is, and say that, and then hand the conversation back over.

3) when you tell a story or make a point, say the main idea first, and then add supporting detail afterwards (usually just one supporting detailafterwards, not 600). eg an example, a statistic, a story to support your point. keep it short and simple and you will have more weight to your words. and sound more powerful and authoriative and easy to listen to. dont make it hard work for them to listen to you. be economical with your words.

4) dont say anything without saying why you think that, so they understand why you feel that way. or else it sounds bossy, and opinionated, and not worth listening to.

5) pause before you speak, it sounds authorative. and also gives you time to think. think before you speak, dont just regurgitate information, its amazing how much structure you mind can give to your thoughts in 2 seconds.

6) The value of information depends on its relevance, how up to date it is, how complete it is, the timing that it is received, its impartiality, and its presentation.

7) becareful how you end your message. dont weaken your point by saying anything that could contradict your message, at the end of your message. just leave nothign at the end. to give your message structure, my english teacher used to say "tell them what you are going to tell them, tell them, and then tell them what you just told them". there should be a beginnign a middle and an end to your paragraph.

8) know what the purpose/goal of your message is before you give one. all communication is desgined to either inform, entertain, or persuade, or all.

9) make sure you use correct grammar, and use downwards inflections with your voice when you talk to sound more authorative and you can show if you are about to end your message or keep going talkign or not. keep it simple, with a main point first, and some kind of examples to help them understand, and then let them have their say.

* body language plays a large roll as well, but i am just saying some points about how i try to structure my messages now.

these are just some things on my list.

i hope it helps.








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hi buddy,this is atul here...i too suffered with a similar problem and in my case it was coupled with the problem of speaking very too fast..and i was loosing my confidence over it as i was never able to say what i actualy wanted too,or i had to device new very small sentences that conveyed my messages and which i could speak with reasonable accuracy and clearity..i think its some kind of genetic nervous disorder as my father also has a habit of speaking fast,though he is much crisper than me.. but from the last two months i have sort of learned to fight this demon nd overcome this problem completely by the help of a book called "the powers of your subconcious mind"...i am now speaking much more clear,crisper and i am also using my vocab. much better now..i would not like to go in detail about the book which has actually changed my life but i would just tell you how to overcome this particular problem.. just remember that your mind has two partitions the conscious and the subconcious..and the subconscious part is very very powerful..nd below i m tellin u how to programme ur subconcious to make u speak clear and crisp without a trace of hesitation.. step 1 put off the lights and sit on a comfortable armchair or lie straight on your bed without a pillow beneath ur neck,inhale-exhale 5-8 times slowly,each breath calming and relaxing you..now close your eyes and order each of ur organs to be realaxed viz."my feet are relaxed(feel it),my ankles are relaxed.........each and every cell of my body is now completely relaxed...." step 2 now reassure the relaxed state of ur mind by uttering 'i m calm,i m composed,i am happy' try to speak these words aloud 3-5 times and the most important part;FEEL every word as u say it.. step 3 now u r ready to unleash the supernormal potential of ur sub concious mind..u hav to now give controlled and specific direction to ur subconcious..i ur case u may say...'from today onwards,with your(remember that u r actually talkin to your subconcious) help iwill speak as cleary as any human could,everything that i want to speak without any hesitation whatsoever..and i would like to thank you for giving me the power to do so and if i ever hesitate,you would guide me to the right path' have full faith in the powers of ur subconcious and utter these words aloud atleast 3 times..u may edit and make ur own directive sentence depending upon your problem.. but the important part here is to stay calm and serene and composed. step 4 now that you have unlocked your subconsious stay in this calm relaxed posture and utter aloud any tongue twister like 'she sells sea shells on the sea shore' or something of the sort 3-4 times.dont try too hard.just cut yourself loose and try to hear each word as clearly as would please you.repeat this step 3-4 tmes...thats it!!now just thank lord almighty,and your subconcious mind and fall asleep.. remember to do this everyday in the night and whenever in the day u hesitate again just firmly order ur subconcious by tellin it'i am bound to speak as good as anyone,and i cant hesitate at all'.but remember never try to force it.. i promise that this problem would be vanished from day one...if u need any more help u can mail me any time @ <email address removed by mod.> .take care..keep smiling and be happy as your problem is cured...your friend..atul bafna,udaipur,rajasthan,india..
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