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I want to know what i need to do in order to speak cleary, consisely and intelligently. I've learned that most of the time, i'm at a loss for words, coversationally speaking, and may come across as unintelligent because my wording just isn't there. It's embarrasing. And it's caused me from being a social person. I also find myself sabotaging relationships with people because of this speaking problem I have. What am I lacking? I mean, I would talk to anyone. Im not that shy. I read alot. I've studied grammar privately. I've taken classes on public speaking, grammar and critical thinking. I use vocabulary books and dictionaries everytime I need them. I've also read books on comprehension, critical thinking, reasoning and listening effectively and I still dont think I speak effectively. I can enunciate a word well and can even imitate public speaking figures or TV/Movie personalities quite well. I'm not delusional because i've recorded myself and i notice that i fumble alot or stop to think for a sec about the next word or the idea as a whole i'm trying to convey. It's as if I cannot make my words flow. I've noticed how people can just flow with words as if were born to speak. Like news anchors speak marvelously, I think. I would love to speak as a news anchor does. How do they do it, I wonder. It's all i think about, speaking clearly. What's wrong? Do i have a mental problem perhaps?
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Comments  (Page 3) 
I am a recent graduate of a university and somehow i still dont feel competent enough in verbal communication skills. I will start working soon at a reputable organization and would like to be able to have a good conversation with anyone regardless of their position. I need a daily regime that i can stick to inorder to improve. I'm going to try reading the entire newspaper ( though i usually get bored and distracted)and follow the useful tips that you have posted.
Hi Guys,

Im an 18 year old male and basically suffer from the same impediment, frustrating I know. Just to shed some light upon this issue, this dysfluency disorder as it were, is known as cluttering. Its not exactly like stammering but has its own distinctive feature. Let me explain:

Evidence for a fluency disorder (one that is not stuttering) and excessive disfluencies, would be present in a speaker who meets all of the following:
  • Does not sound "fluent," that is, does not seem to be clear about what he or she wants to say or how to say it.
  • Has excessive levels of "normal disfluencies," such as interjections and revisions.
  • Has little or no apparent physical struggle in speaking.
  • Has few if any accessory (secondary) behaviors.
A rapid and/or irregular speaking rate would be present in a speaker who has any or all of the following:
  • Talks "too fast" based on an overall impression or actual syllable per minute counts.
  • Sounds "jerky."
  • Has pauses that are too short, too long, or improperly placed.
These fluency and rate deviations are the essential symptoms of cluttering. In addition, however, there are a number of symptoms suggested in the latter part of the above definition that may or may not be present but add support to the impression that a person is cluttering. Accordingly, the clinical picture of a typical cluttering problem would be enhanced if the person in question had any of the following:
  • Confusing, disorganized language or conversational skills.
  • Limited awareness of his or her fluency and rate problems.
  • Temporary improvement when asked to "slow down" or "pay attention" to speech (or when being tape recorded).
  • Mispronunciation or slurrring of speech sounds or deleting non-stressed syllables in longer words (e.g., "ferchly" for "fortunately").
  • Speech that is difficult to understand.
  • Several blood relatives who stutter or clutter.
  • Social or vocational problems resulting from cluttering symptoms.
  • Learning disability not related to reduced intelligence.
  • Sloppy handwriting.
  • Distractibility, hyperactivity, or a limited attention span.
  • Auditory perceptual difficulties.
Finally, this is a good example to catogarise ones self:

Examples:

Cluttering: "I want to go to the st...uh...place where you buy...market st-st-store and I don't have muh-muh ti-ti-time money."
Stuttering: "I want to go to the sssssssssstore and I don't have muh-muh- muh-muh-money."

Hope this helps, oh by the way, I'm going into Medicine to train as a doc so I really need to sort out my clutter too. My addy is <email address removed by mod. Please register and add it to your profile.> in case anyone wishes to contact me. Hope this info cleared some things up.
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I have a problem. I dont think its "cluttering" as described by the poster above.

But, I can speak properly with people in a group or one on one, just casually. But when it comes to a really deep topic that affects me alot, I cant speak. I'd rather write everything down. I cant give my points, I definately cant debate. I hesitate and people get bored. U knwo what I mean?

Its like I cant find the right words or cant really remember what I want to say even though I have thought about it alot before the conversation.

Is there anything I can do, or practice?

Cheers.
i can try to suggest some exercises that you can implement in order to overcome your shortcoming. There are several solutions. I have had similar problems in the past therefore i have urge to contribute to this blog...

1. you can try to have a "imaginary counsel" exercise. the idea is to create a mental script in your mind between any number of people, you objective is to run a conversation between your imaginary characters which you have created. I think if you are able to respond for the characters you will develop your mental faculties. i suggest you take it to the next level and try to respond to the underlying messages of these characters. The more character you give your characters the more of an edge you will have....

2. another exercise you can do it read the bible and redescribe the meanings in the proverbs, try to expand or elaborate the meanings that are in the proverbs.

3. what will help you is to understand that people have different thinking functions, for example some people think with words, others think with feeling, other think with intuition and some think with sensation. you should aim for thinking in words, this is the jungian psychology functions. once you have learned this you will have significant easier time to dealing with people, but don't expect immediate change. remember you are not aiming for simple desire, you want one of the highest skills that exists, those who realize the value of clear thinking which is ultimately happiness pursue it just like you are, but few are able to achieve this aim, since it requires change in the mental level, thoughts just like actions become habits, therefore it is very difficult to change a mental habit which has existed since childhood.

4. there is a relationship. you need to understand that the higher your consciousness is the more progress you can make. sometimes our minds become so inactive ( we do not realize this) so automatic that we basically don't accomplish anything, at this level our productivity is low. You want to raise your consciousness. the key is to learn to encourage yourself. this is done through your self talk. now self talk has elements. you want your self talk to be positive, verbal, goal-oriented, challanging (challange yourself or else you will not grow; if you don't want to wake up in the morning tell yourself if i wake up i will be a bit stronger and you will get up, trust me when i tell yo u that), you want your self talk to build character, you want your self talk to be effective, brutally honest, and and accurate.

5. another thing that will help you more then anything else i have mentioned above is learning the concept of god. now i cannot teach you this, but i can tell you that once you understand what is god, you will want to pray, you will pray for hours....but you need to find a good pastor.

6. don't give up, write things down, make a document and add stuff to this document, make a document with your daily realizations, your principles, your rules, your problems, your statement when you get discouraged, your objectives and everything else, don't want tv or only limited amount, don't drink too much soft drinks, eat healthy, exercise, drink plenty of water milk, most importantly seek the answers to the questions you have if you don't know something write it down and seek the answer,

so yeah...
God Bless Your Heart!

Edgar Z.

4. also remember that you are not aiming for
I have the same problem. I'm only 17 years old but when I talk to someone I don't know I get nervous or something and start blushing and smiling really big for no reason. It seems like I never have anything to say. My family complains about me mumbling and I just hate repeating myself over and over again. I'm afraid of public speaking, I don't want to look like a fool. I took speach classes in elementary and middle school and in high school they put me into a intensive reading class because I can't read out loud very well.
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Hi,

The exact thing that you went through is happening to me right now. Speaking clearly is all I think about, and it is starting to worry me. I have lost friends because of it, and I always fumble on words. If you have overcome the problem that you experienced, can you please tell me how you overcame it?

Thanks.
judging by your writing, you aren't much of a grammar wiz, or public speaker. LOL
Wonderfull thread, everyons insight is astounding to me. As I also have problems speaking coherently. such as is in class yes it's quite easy for me to say my opinions for short coments. Put me in a group 3 or more, it's hard 4 me to to keep a conversation let alone formulating my own thoughts or even express clearly. When anywhere else its the same if I'm not "hyped" but when I am; people love my talk. the other 80% is me in a party situation, any kind of those social situation like a basketball game, watching movies... people will consider me as dead", " out of the game", cold game".
Intersting about the idea of coming from abuse. when I was a child my old foster mom would physically abuse me when I talked wrong. So early scarring. Self doubt, lot of bad self awareness. Now how to correct?
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OMG.... I read this and felt like I could have written this.. but you wrote it quite well... and better than I would have. I myself feel much more comfortable with written converstaions than I do with spoken ones. And I also feel that my thoughts seem to be so much more eloquant than the actual words the end up coming out of my mouth.
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