+0
I want to know what i need to do in order to speak cleary, consisely and intelligently. I've learned that most of the time, i'm at a loss for words, coversationally speaking, and may come across as unintelligent because my wording just isn't there. It's embarrasing. And it's caused me from being a social person. I also find myself sabotaging relationships with people because of this speaking problem I have. What am I lacking? I mean, I would talk to anyone. Im not that shy. I read alot. I've studied grammar privately. I've taken classes on public speaking, grammar and critical thinking. I use vocabulary books and dictionaries everytime I need them. I've also read books on comprehension, critical thinking, reasoning and listening effectively and I still dont think I speak effectively. I can enunciate a word well and can even imitate public speaking figures or TV/Movie personalities quite well. I'm not delusional because i've recorded myself and i notice that i fumble alot or stop to think for a sec about the next word or the idea as a whole i'm trying to convey. It's as if I cannot make my words flow. I've noticed how people can just flow with words as if were born to speak. Like news anchors speak marvelously, I think. I would love to speak as a news anchor does. How do they do it, I wonder. It's all i think about, speaking clearly. What's wrong? Do i have a mental problem perhaps?
1 2 3 4 5
Comments  (Page 5) 
Hi all. I've got a coaching session coming up with a client that has this same issue. There's a couple of reasons that I've come across, that can lead you to fumble and not speak fluently, but generally the common causes are: losing your focus or talking so fast that you can't keep up with your thought process.

1. Being nervous due to a lack of confidence or self-esteem. This may be a deep seeded issue that you need to work on, or you may just be in the presence of a girl or guy you like, or someone that intimidates you, or a figure of significance that you look up to. Whatever the reason, being nervous can cause you to speed up what you're talking about, so you can just spit out whatever it is that you're trying to say, as you've become self-conscious and just don't want the spot light on you anymore.

2. Lack or loss of concentration. While we're speaking, we need to stay focused on what we're taking about otherwise we lose what we're leading onto. Being nervous can cause this same issue, our focus is drawn to thoughts of things like "are they thinking that what I'm saying is stupid?". BAM! Even if it's a split second, it'll cause us to have to think about what we were talking about.

We take the process of talking for granted, as it's become second nature. If you think about the processes involved: annunciating our words properly, putting the words in the correct order, pausing between clauses and supporting clauses, stopping between the points you're talking about.

If we're already lacking in confidence and we lose our train of thought, it makes it even worse and then magnifies the problem.

A couple of things that I would suggest you do.

With nervousness, you're only doing yourself an injustice if you second guess what you're saying. Think about what you’re going to say, think about how it'll be perceived before you open your mouth, but only to the point of the simple things - am I going to offend or hurt someone, or does what I'm going to talk about have relevance in this topic that we're on. You don't need to over-think it. It's just that, an opinion, everyone has one. Don't just say something because you think it's your turn to talk and don't say something because that's what you think people want to hear. If the people around you don't understand you, or they laugh at you, there's a line that you have to draw between having better opinions that maybe make better sense, or looking at who you are hanging around with. We aren't designed to get along with everyone.

For lack or loss of concentration, practice keeping eye contact with whoever you're talking to, as you'll be less distracted by things around you and you'll stay in the moment of the conversation. You'll also gain respect with the recipient and you'll find that they pay more attention to you, which will help the conversation flow. I mention this because I've had confidence issues and I struggled to keep eye contact, but through placing myself continuously in that uncomfortable position, I now have an eye lock on whoever I'm speaking to, it's not uncomfortable at all and it's actually made me feel more confident (which is something that I didn't realise would happen). Now when I'm in a group of people, I tend to find that the person speaking tends to provide me with more attention than anyone else, as we all want to be paid attention to.

I hope this helps.