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Both maps depict the outskirts of the town of Fosbury in the years 1980 and 2015 and the urban developments that took place.
Overall, the area witnessed dramatic changes to the buildings and amenities. The town in 1980 was accommodated more green areas compare with the map in 2015, representing a modern industrialised city and equipped with packed facilities for a wide range of requirements. The most noticeable additions is the enormous square was built to the heart of the city. Apart from the location of the hotel, the Grocer's shop, block of flats and terraced houses in the nearby were replaced by a large car park and a modern supermarket. To the South-West of the Fosbury, two tennis courts have been reconstructed into sports center which include more variety of sports like rugby, football than the old ones. Moreover, the natural views in the town have been demolished considerably between 1980 and 2015. It is clear that the vast field to the South-East of Fosbury has been totally transformed into ware houses since 2015. Furthermore, terraced buildings were relocated to the western part of the town and the new park has been situated in an bare flat across the street.

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Both maps depict the outskirts of the town of Fosbury in the years 1980 and 2015 and the urban developments that took place. (That is not good. Both maps do not show both years. You need this: The two maps depict the outskirts of Fosbury in 1980 and 2015, respectively.)


Overall, the area witnessed (wrong word) dramatic changes to the buildings and amenities. The town in 1980 was accommodated (wrong word, wrong form) more green areas compare (wrong form) with the map (You cannot compare a town and a map. They are different things.) in 2015, representing a modern industrialised city and equipped (wrong word) with packed (wrong word) facilities for a wide range of requirements. (wrong word) The most noticeable additions is (wrong verb form, subject/verb mismatch) the enormous square was built to the heart of the city. (Incorrect. The maps show the suburbs, not the center of the town.) Apart from the location of the hotel, the Grocer's (wrong capitalization ) shop, block of flats and terraced houses in the nearby were replaced by a large car park and a modern supermarket. To the South-West (south and west are not proper nouns) of the Fosbury, two tennis courts have been reconstructed changed / converted into a sports center which include (wrong verb form, subject/verb mismatch) more variety of sports like rugby, football than the old ones. Moreover, the natural views in the town have been demolished considerably (wrong word) between 1980 and 2015. It is clear that the vast field to the South-East of Fosbury has been totally transformed into ware houses (wrong word) since (wrong word) 2015. Furthermore, terraced buildings (wrong word) were relocated to the western part of the town and the new park has been situated in an bare flat across the street.


You really need to work on your vocabulary.

This essay needs three paragraphs, and you wrote only two.

You need to study the maps carefully.

There are two possible plans for this essay:

Plan 1:

Paragraph 1: describe the two maps.

Paragraph 2: Point out the main features.

Paragraph 3: Point out some details.


Plan 2:

Paragraph 1: Describe the two maps.

Paragraph 2: Describe the first map.

Paragraph 3: Describe the second map and the differences from the first map.

Example essay for the first plan.


The two maps depict the outskirts of Fosbury in 1980 and 2015, respectively, illustrating the changes made during the intervening years.

The most significant differences are in the roadways with a new large roundabout instead of intersections, the new construction of warehouses, and the development of a sports facility. What remained unchanged was the the hotel and homes on the north side. But there were many changes in shopping, housing, industry and sports.

In terms of housing, the terraced homes in the northeast and the large block of flats near the center were torn down, but new houses were built on the west side. This suburb became more industrialized with a large warehouse complex in the southeast corner. Food shopping changed with the replacement of a grocer's shop with a supermarket, which also provided more parking. The facilities for exercise and sport had major changes also. The location of the old park on the west side, where the new homes were built, was moved to the east, bounded by residential streets and the roundabout. In addition the former tennis courts on the south side were replaced by a multi-use sports centre, offering American football and basketball. A car park was built to serve this facility.

Comments  
tile modern 45Both maps depict the outskirts of the town of Fosbury in the years 1980 and 2015 and the urban developments that took place. Overall, the area witnessed dramatic changes to the buildings and amenities. The town in 1980 was accommodated more green areas compared with the map in 2015, representing a modern industrialised city and was equipped with packed facilities for a wide range of requirements. [this sentence sounds odd.. equipped with 'packed' facilities?] The most noticeable additions is the enormous square was built to the heart of the city. Apart from the location of the hotel, the Grocer's shop, block of flats and terraced houses in the nearby [nearby what??] were replaced by a large car park and a modern supermarket. To the South-West of the Fosbury, two tennis courts have been reconstructed into sports center [only one center?] which include [add S if it's only one center] more variety of sports like rugby, football than [??.. I stopped revising here. Needs more work] the old ones. Moreover, the natural views in the town have been demolished considerably between 1980 and 2015. It is clear that the vast field to the South-East of Fosbury has been totally transformed into ware houses since 2015. Furthermore, terraced buildings were relocated to the western part of the town and the new park has been situated in an bare flat across the street.
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i'm so sorry .

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thanks very much .