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Do both of them mean the same thing? If not, please explain why. I had a hard time understanding the first sentence due to its grammatical issues. Is the first one a "mixed conditional sentence"?

1) I think to myself now that if I didn't have that pen knife from my father I would be dead and my mom, grandma and grandfather would be as well.


2) I think to myself now that if I hadn't had that pen knife from my father I would have been dead/died and my mom, grandma and grandfather would have been as well.
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HasibrahmanDo both of them mean the same thing?

Yes.

HasibrahmanIs the first one a "mixed conditional sentence"?

No. It follows the formula for a second conditional precisely, namely,

IF [PAST], ... WOULD ....

If I didn't have (past) ..., I would be (WOULD ...).

In contrast, your second sentence is a third conditional.

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The problem here is that sometimes a second conditional grammatical pattern does not have exactly the same hypothetical features that are found in more typical second conditionals.

Here is my opinion on this: Your first sentence is actually a backshifted first conditional. In other words, it's a "real" (i.e., non-hypothetical) second conditional:

Cond. 1: If I don't have that pen knife ..., I will be dead, and ....
Cond. 2: If I didn't have that pen knife ..., I would be dead, and ....

Any prescriptive grammar of English will encourage you to use the third conditional shown in the second example you posted, especially in formal writing. Nevertheless, you will hear this second conditional version of it, especially in less formal settings, e.g., in everyday conversation.

CJ

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Thanks a million, CJ. Your explanations are just awesome as usual ❤